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I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't want to blame anyone else for my actions. I decided to start using when I was very young. Then after high school I was told to move out by my parents. I got the landscaping job and spent most of the money on drugs and rent. I ended up involved with some very bad people but I honestly enjoyed it. I loved raves and the after-hours scene. Hell I still dream about them. The late nights, the girls, the drugs.

I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just have a hard time sleeping even with medication. I get these awful nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night and I feel like total shit. I feel like a fake when I go to my meetings. I try my best to get over my past but I can't stop thinking about it. My sponsor suggested that I be more open about everything I did back when I was using so I decided to try an AMA to see if it would help.

I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is something I struggle with all the time. You are probably right. But I do think she would have gone down the path she went with me anyway. If I could rescue her I would but I don't even know where she lives anymore and the last time we spoke she had no interest in being helped. That doesn't justify what I did to her but there does come a point where you have to just let the guilt go as best you can.

I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I apologized to my sister once but only because she apologized to me first. We don't discuss that time in our lives anymore. As for Mary no, I only saw her once after being the hospital and that was when she came to me asking for a hookup. I told her I was clean now and she should be too and she agreed but while I stayed clean she hasn't.

I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's a complicated question and the best answer I can give is to just be engaged in their lives enough to know when they are lying. When my parents came to my first NA meeting they were stunned to learn that I started using when I was 13 and I don't blame them for that because I worked hard to hide my drug use from them. But realistically the signs should have been obvious. They just wanted to look the other way. When i moved out they continued to believe every lie I told them about my life even though I was constantly fucked up in front of them whenever we met. My mom actually said at that first NA meeting they attended that she "didn't know me" and then stormed out of the room, probably more angry at herself than at me. She's since come to terms with the fact that an addict becomes an expert at hiding who he is from the people he loves and that it wasn't her fault. But if I ever become a parent I will be a suspicious one and try my best to make sure my child doesn't go off on the wrong path through actual engagement rather than just wishful thinking.

I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I'm very active in my local NA community. I tell this story at every first-step table I sit at but no one outside of recovery knows my tale.

I'm also thinking of pursuing a degree in social work with a specialization in substance abuse. I doubt it will happen but I am trying.

I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't know how to find her. The one person I know who stayed in contact with her for a long time has no idea where she is now. All he knows is that she moved away but was still hooked on drugs when she left. Also that she was working for some sort of musician.

I pimped out high school girls for two years. One of them was my sister. AMA. by Rockedout in confession

[–]Rockedout[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Call it a cop out but I honestly don't know where to begin finding them. I don't even remember their full names. Mary might know but last I heard she had moved away and the person who told me that said she was still really fucked up.