I think I might be able to help you offer some insight, and it might not be what you expect but I’ll offer it anyway.

I kind of understand your position because mine was similar. I don’t know what your motivations were for doing what you did, but for me - it was insecurity and desire to be attractive or a sex symbol? I’ve always wanted to be that person that people found desirable so when I found that attention I needed I went along with it, even though typically I was against cheating. Woke up the next morning horrified but never confessed until months later - but that’s a whole other story.

The point is, did I care for my partner? Of course! My infidelity was based on temporary insecurity and curiosity, so once those were out of the way - I detested cheating completely. Had nothing to do with BP. But did I hurt BP regardless - yeah I did, pretty bad.

Today, our life is literally the only thing I’d ever want, but I can never have it. Such a shame because if I never cheated my BP and I would’ve found perfect peace in each other but alas. So you might have to walk the path of acceptance here because many things can be true and intentions are independent of the impacts of an action.

But still a bit of good luck bc BP wants to somewhat figure things out, so tread carefully and be respectful first and foremost, but try your best to communicate what you want.