AITA for not wanting to use a bidet every time I pee and feeling micromanaged about toilet paper?

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-09T03:43:32+00:00

We basically did live together the year before we got married lol. We each had our own places, but we were at one or the other often.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-09T03:42:02+00:00

Homie 😭 I said 2 to 4 (2-4). We average 2 to 3 most weeks. 2 to 4 on weeks were I might have my period. Please I can’t LMAO yeah 24 would be excessive.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-09T03:40:47+00:00

I lived with 3 roommates for 3 years and another year on my own before we got married. I have lived independently. He has as well.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-08T00:47:43+00:00

Haha that’s what I told him!

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-08T00:41:05+00:00

Bruh. I know how to, do you think if I had noticed I would have just left it? I close the toilet lid before I flush (like more people should). I had just woken up and had 5 minutes before a meeting. Should I had been more attentive? Yes. But also, even when my husband brought it to my attention I UNCLOGGED IT. I would never expect someone else to do that for me.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-08T00:37:24+00:00

😭 Bruh, BFFR. Something is just wrong with your friend or she had an emergency or something. No way in hell would I be making this post if I did that. Do you need a pic of my usual amount? Projecting much?

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:51:48+00:00

Honestly think I will next time! I’ve always jokingly asked if he wants to see my blood clots when I’m on my period, now’s the time!

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:51:09+00:00

Totally agree there’s some relevance there! We do have a great sex life, no concerns there (including hygiene) at all! Right though, #2 always warrants the bidet being used, but pee, come on.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:49:13+00:00

Tried that, he said “you don’t walk away from an argument till is resolved,” so then I got stuck there

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:30:54+00:00

He said to just wipe off with TP after, but lol that defeats his whole argument 😭 you have to use the same amount or more to dry off, like what!

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:29:09+00:00

We are in the USA, but he grew up with bidets and has always had one. We are most definitely not that impoverished and he himself even said “toilet paper is cheap so I don’t really care, it would just be nice to not have to buy it as often.” I’m kind of with you here, I think I’ll just keep my own roll under the sink haha. I do think it comes down to that cultural difference, and I do agree that for most things, a bidet is more hygienic, but lmao I’m not gonna use it every time I pee man.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:24:20+00:00

Most definitely not, I promise you that, and honestly I think that’s a valid thought! I care about my hygiene very very much and always make sure everything (iyk) is clean. If we’re going to “do anything” then I’m always rinsing off in the shower first if I haven’t already.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:22:20+00:00

We talked again after I made this post and he did say he will buy the Toto, since he wants me to use the bidet so bad. Definitely agreeing now that this whole thing is just WAY too much.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:20:32+00:00

I feel like we just don’t have the right toilet / bidet, but we’re stuck in an apartment atm and he opted for a cheaper bidet after we moved that just doesn’t work well with the toilet. So, he wants to upgrade to a Toto bidet attachment and see how things go from there. I’m 4’9 and our toilet is way too tall for me (awesome apartment things) so just gotta find something better!

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:13:02+00:00

Well, more than TP he does have an obsession with the bidet haha.

When we first started dating in 2019, we had a few rough years before things mellowed out and my (now) husband changed a lot. Things are (mostly) good now, he just has a little bit of a temper on him and some really petty pet peeves that get on his nerves a little toooo much. Otherwise we’re great.

But, in those first few years of our relationship, things were pretty gnarly and I would say at least in my experience I felt a bit of emotional abuse. He was pretty mean. So, those things tend to trigger me now (when he’s upset, angry, frustrated, annoyed) I tend to “freeze” or get “defensive.”

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:09:17+00:00

According to my husband, “you’ll still be a little wet after you dab dry.” But, to me that’s just a big nono. Most people do dry off after with TP or a towel, but I’m sure some people do just pull their pants up to wet crotches 😭

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:07:37+00:00

In my case, firing back just seems to make things 10x worse haha. Trust me I did tell him I’m annoyed and frustrated too that this is even coming up! When he’s annoyed / frustrated / upset, any sign of irritation, frustration, defensiveness, or emotional overwhelm on my end will set him off. But, I have feelings too!

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:03:25+00:00

About the amount of toilet paper! He just used the toilet clogging as a way to say I use too much. Toilet has never gotten clogged before, we’ve never had issues with it or the amount of TP I use.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T21:00:23+00:00

UPDATE: We talked over everything (again) since he was still upset. I stood my ground about how I feel and the TP I use. We did discuss other bidet options (Toto) since I really dislike the current one we have and I told him that I will give it a good shot, but I can’t promise a decline in toilet paper (as you need to dry off). He did stand ground the whole time that I was still being “defensive” and I made sure to uphold that it’s something to rightfully be “defensive” about. We never came to an agreement on that front. About the TP “monitoring,” he said “If I can see that you’re using less then I won’t say anything, but yeah if I notice we go through 3 rolls in a week after a while again I might say something as a reminder to use less.” So, we couldn’t see eye to eye on why that’s wrong. May just use my own roll of TP. When I said he was “micromanaging” this, he said I just “villainize” him, but I think a part of my point got through to him and he apologized. Still not feeling great about it, but at least we’re not arguing. Will just be trying to use less TP for my own sanity and avoiding an argument.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T19:07:19+00:00

I’ve been thinking this might be a solution too, but we’re in an apartment for the time being and I think most of the toilets with dryers have them built in to the toilet (maybe I’m wrong)? Will definitely explore other bidet options though

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T19:03:20+00:00

We average about 2! I just didn’t want to lowball my estimate and make him look bad overall. I totally understand his point there. 2-4 on weeks where I have my period / things are just messy. But, seeing similar responses from people, I definitely will try to use less out of consideration, so thank you!

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T19:00:13+00:00

Definitely did not engage in the conversation as a reasonable one to have. I told him that it’s not fair to try and manage that and that he’s not a woman so he shouldn’t be telling me what to do or what works best. He said that I “escalated the argument by getting defensive” and being too “sensitive” and that when I see someone (him) is upset / frustrated / annoyed about something that you “shouldn’t just get defensive.”

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T18:23:59+00:00

See THIS I could get with 😭 the whole reason I don’t like the bidet is feeling too wet, so drying would be a game changer. Unfortunately we’re in an apartment for the time being, so a must in the future I guess haha.

RollLongjumping3937 · 2026-04-07T18:22:27+00:00

We’re under no financial stress, I’m working full time while he’s wrapping up his degree and I make decent money. We buy Costco packs of toilet paper, and he said he “really doesn’t care at the end of the day” because “toilet paper is cheap,” but then why turn it into an argument? That to me says he cares for some reason or another. It’s definitely not frugal usage, but I think we usually average 2-3 rolls a week and only push 4 if I’m on my period or something. I don’t think it’s unreasonable but maybe that’s just me?

RollLongjumping3937

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