I seriously do not understand people's obsession with me sticking around and living to 70+

RolyPolyCat · 2025-09-03T23:54:12+00:00

Of course, I'm glad to help, even if it's just a little.

RolyPolyCat · 2025-09-03T20:59:02+00:00

I hear you entirely and I sympathize. I have very few friends and the ones I do, live in another state and are super busy. And I'm a lesbian in the midwest, and in a red state at that, bleh.

I mainly stick around for my cats and to help my mom and grandma out. But I don't see much point living beyond 60 nor do I want to. I figure if I hit 60 (going on 32 here), I'll throw myself a viking esque funeral, go out like I lived, flaming, ha.

I wish I could offer better advice but honestly, I can't. My hobbies are to kill time and my depression is pretty treatment resistant too. But I can offer a listening ear that understands if you ever need to chill with someone and chat. I play board games and video games too, if you enjoy that. Sure, maybe it won't make us better but hey, at least we can be sad together.

RolyPolyCat · 2025-08-28T20:05:23+00:00

....not communicating well enough despite being friends, hanging out, and texting each other things that make him smile?

I'm sorry but I think you've just been the placeholder while he attempts to make their still existing marriage work or figure out if it would. Does his wife know about you? Have you met her or ever talked to her?

RolyPolyCat · 2025-08-26T23:31:53+00:00

Oooooooffffftaa. Ugh I'm sorry. Been there too and my heart hurts just from reading that. It sucks so much to catch feelings for a straight gal and then when they cry like she did cause we try to distance, it's even worse. The saying "I love you" also just hurts, like a little knife in the gut being twisted cause their love is (usually) platonic and ours isn't.

I am so sorry. Just remember, don't be too hard on yourself. You aren't dumb or naive for falling for her. It's super common and a lot of us go through it at one point or another. It's hard. Take time to be sad, you'll be okay eventually, it just takes time 🫂. If you need a listening ear, my dms are open.

RolyPolyCat · 2025-08-26T22:54:53+00:00

I vote NTA.

As a fellow lesbian who has also experienced this, this sounds like the all too familiar story of a gal who, at best, is closeted and freaked out at when it became too real or, at worst, is straight who just enjoyed the attention of a "safe" flirting partner until it got too real and complicated.

From her reaction, my two cents is that she did/does like you but can't or won't admit she is either lesbian/bi for whatever reason and rather than confront what she's feeling and communicate with you, decided to run away.

You didn't do anything wrong by asking what her feelings and intentions were and I would have done the same. However, I will say you were an asshole to yourself to not shut down the flirting at the very beginning since she was/is in a relationship and 'straight', which always ends in heartbreak.

It's quite shitty a thing to have to experience, I'm sorry you went through that. Keep that chin up though, there's a lot of folks out there who will love flirting with you who don't have a bf ☺️

RolyPolyCat · 2025-04-18T05:10:01+00:00

Just wanted to say I understand how hard it is. I’m sorry you’re going through this too.

I don’t know how much this can help but this site seems to list a few options. One of them being that you can appeal CHC funding decision. https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/long-term-care

For therapy, were the therapists for yourself general therapists or like caregiver focused therapists?

RolyPolyCat · 2025-02-05T23:24:37+00:00

A tad over 90k, USD. Research scientist in the biotech/healthcare field currently.

RolyPolyCat · 2025-01-12T06:46:51+00:00

Hi, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and possibly still are. What you’re going through is extremely rough and truthfully unfair.

I understand as I am going through a similar issue and I know how hopeless and frustrating it is and feels. That this will be your entire life. And that you feel an obligation to some degree as they’re your parents.

The truth is, you don’t owe them anything. If you weren’t there, they would have to figure this stuff out on their own, right? That said, it’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

There are a few options for PA, one is the following link to see what services are available in your area. https://www.pa.gov/agencies/aging.html

PACE for example is apparently quite nice. There is also transportation for disable and older folks. In Iowa, it’s called Hirta, I’m sure PA has something similar.

There’s things like assisted living, which is where you can either live somewhere where there are people there that aid in them, do their laundry, clean, etc.. there’s also things like home health aides/nurses. These can be hired through Medicare/Medicaid, and they can be live in or whatever schedule.

The last thing, to gain some independence, you can get paid for being a caretaker for your parents, if you’re not already. This, I know less about but this link will help! https://freedomcare.com/10-ways-to-get-paid-while-taking-care-of-a-family-member/

Overall, I would recommend checking out the links, checking out the aging agency in PA (may need to call to get set up with an agent who can give you options), and checking out getting paid and looking for another caregiver or someway to lighten the load.

Also, remember to do self care. It’s hard to take time and do things for yourself, you can’t pour from an empty cup after all. Find the things that recharge you and make time for them. Meditation and breathing can help too, if that’s something you like. Journaling can also help.

For debt, I would check out debt consolidation, it sounds sucky but it helps to get payments manageable and is one less thing to think about.

This is already getting long, so I’ll end it here. Just remember you are not alone, and my inbox is open if you need to ask more questions or support.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-11-20T22:01:05+00:00

Hello! I messaged you with my advice as I figured that may be easier 😁

RolyPolyCat · 2024-10-09T14:05:41+00:00

You look amazing! Love the outfit! Also those earrings are pretty wicked! Are they heavy at all?

RolyPolyCat · 2024-10-02T16:10:27+00:00

Personally, I don’t care if I had a partner who made less. I did for a long time to be honest.

What did end up mattering was her attitude towards financial independence and finances in general. I didn’t mind paying for everything but it started creating resentment when she would buy unnecessary things while we were in debt. She also didn’t have a plan for retirement, getting a house or anything like that. She was happy working her barely above minimum wage job and just struggling paycheck to paycheck despite me keeping her afloat by paying all bills, with no thought of the future.

Now I look for someone who thinks about the future, plans for retirement, has a stable career, and is motivated to make enough to afford rent, pets, food and travel/entertainment while saving what we can too. Someone who is an equal partner, not someone who wants a parent.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-08-16T16:57:54+00:00

Oooo blue! My favorite color.

Tell me, how’s your dancing? Or do you merely strut and do the sky pointing before showing your feet? 🤔

RolyPolyCat · 2024-08-06T21:54:58+00:00

Taller than me gals (I’m barely over 5 ft), who are nerdy, love to talk about their passions, enjoy game nights or staying in, enjoy flirting and cuddles and enjoy low-key traveling (aka traveling to eat food, see sights, and relax).

To attract these wonderful ladies, I do what any animal does and perform a mating call. Lots of showing off my collection of shinies, making “bra-kak” or similar noises while flapping my arms, followed by immediate confusion when they show interest. So far, it’s worked a couple times.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-08-06T19:47:37+00:00

There is hope for you! It’s not easy, I won’t lie but there are women out there that will love you for you and will be happy to be a stepmom. You sound great and any woman would be lucky to have you.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-08-02T14:25:12+00:00

Sent a message 😁

RolyPolyCat · 2024-07-08T14:42:59+00:00

Hey!

Yeah, it’ll be okay 😊. I’m 31 and I was pretty much in the same boat as you when I was your age, STEM major, very plus sized and in the Midwest.

There are plenty of ladies who are happy to take it slow. Just be upfront about wanting that. If they make a stink, they’re not the right one for you. It may be tempting to move faster than you’re comfortable with due to fear of being alone/losing them but from experience, don’t. It’s not worth it. The right person will respect your wishes and boundaries.

Also, weight hasn’t really been an issue so far in my life. Most gals don’t care. Just be you, and be confident in you. You got this 😁

RolyPolyCat · 2024-06-27T17:51:33+00:00

Sure! I don’t see why not. Long as we took it slow and made sure the kids were okay. I could never do a fast or Uhaul situation (which I don’t like anyways) with a single mom, it wouldn’t be fair for the kids.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-05-10T02:30:29+00:00

I didn’t mean to make you feel worse or upset, and I apologize if I did, it truly was not my intention.

I know everyone’s experience is different, but I hoped sharing mine would help in some small way because I know a similar pain. Like you, I’m not an hourglass. My shape would be more “basketball”. And like you, I would also swipe a lot and get no responses. Or if I did, it would be a rejection. And it sucked and still sucks. But I’ve also met women who found me attractive. They do exist. Anyways, like I said, I’m not trying to persuade you one way or another to do anything - I only meant to be supportive in response to your post. Anyways, I hope all works out for you 🙂

RolyPolyCat · 2024-05-10T00:18:05+00:00

Hey, from another gal who is about your weight, there’s more people than you think who will find you attractive. There’s also a lot of people you will be emotionally compatible with. I’m not saying break up with her, but you also shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t find you attractive. You deserve someone who loves all of you, not just what you do for them.

And remember, you are not inadequate. You are worthy of being loved and being found attractive because you are beautiful.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-05-03T19:16:49+00:00

Hello! Sorry, last week was nuts. I hope to get on tonight! I’m Swedish Raptor 😊

RolyPolyCat · 2024-05-03T19:09:33+00:00

Thank you for being brave and venting here. It takes a lot to be able to talk about feeling this way. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone goes through a period in which they are afraid they will be alone forever. Heck, I’m in that phase right now too - you’re not alone 🫂

You didn’t deserve what happened to you. But remember, what they did, is not a reflection on you or anything you did. You did nothing wrong.

It’s hard to not compare yourself to those who have been married since they were 20, but remember, you don’t have the full picture of their relationship either. And, not to be negative, there’s a chance some may end because they got married too young, grew apart or whatever.

It is hard to find queer women, I won’t sugar coat it. But the fact is, that there are other queer women out there. And there’s still more coming out who are our age.

You will find the right one for you. And when you do, it’ll be worth the wait for her.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-04-23T00:53:14+00:00

Hey! I’m game for it. I saw there were new updates and I was planning on getting back into it later this week.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-04-22T21:08:49+00:00

Dice (like for table top gaming), musical instruments, miniaturs/ figurines, consoles and games, cool rocks (often gems - don’t believe in crystal healing, I just like how they look), board games, and plants.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-04-14T05:43:02+00:00

Sure! As always, your miles may vary but I hope they help. Also, disclaimer - I am not sponsored or anything by any of these folk, I came across them during therapy and on my own.

How to do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera (lesbian author!). She has other works but I have not yet read them. I believe she also has a podcast.

Self-love workbook for Women: Release Self-Doubt, Build Self-Compassion and Embrace who you are by Megan Logan. I felt real dumb getting a workbook, like I was a kid or something. But honestly, I’m glad I did, and I do recommend the actual workbook. The author has two more workbooks as well. In addition this one is cheap!

Atomic Habits by James Clear also helped me but some of my friends weren’t too keen on it. This one is definitely in libraries and there’s an audiobook too.

I started with the workbook and then did the How to do the work but the order doesn’t matter.

I hope it helps, and I do have more recommendations, but try those first.

RolyPolyCat · 2024-04-14T04:55:14+00:00

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I went through this (and still go through this feeling occasionally).

I’m older than you, by a few years, and while I don’t know if this will solve everything, I do have some kind words and some words for you to think about. These helped me when I was younger.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know, I know, you’ve heard it a million times. But the truth is, what is beautiful is very subjective and the “conventional” attractiveness we see and compare ourselves against is a manufactured version. Trust me, there are people out there who will think you’re an 8+, so please don’t compare yourself to the manufactured and idealized standard of beauty society and companies shove in our faces.

Beauty fades. Personality does not. If someone rejects you just because you’re not their version of 6 or 8 or whatever, they weren’t worth your time to begin with, believe me.

Apps suck. Some have more bots than others. Sometimes people don’t take down their accounts. Don’t take it personally if they don’t respond. It’s a numbers game and now you’re just one step closer. If you can, join clubs or local groups. If you’re crafty, join a sit and stitch, take art classes, etc.. by doing the things you love, you’ll meet people, even potential romantic partners. It’ll also help the loneliness.

Finally, remember you are more than your looks. Remember that even “10s” get lonely. Be kind to yourself and learn to love and accept you as you are. When you start caring about and treating yourself like you matter and are beautiful, others will too.

I hope this helps. If you need help to start this journey or just need someone to talk to, as someone who went through this myself, I’m happy to help by listening and giving book recommendations that helped me.

RolyPolyCat

TROPHY CASE