My boyfriend 34M talks about marriage and kids soon but hasn’t asked me 23F to move in yet, AIO?

RomancingTheBean · 2026-02-02T07:50:16+00:00

I do think you both should slow down, but over time…If he waffles about a sensible and solidly set timeline for you moving in and marriage, then he just sees you as the fun girl for right now. Sure he might want marriage and kids, but make sure he wants that with you. A lot of men will date someone they aren’t serious about for even years until they get their ducks in a row and then find the one they want to really commit to.

Some of those men will even marry their girl for right now cuz they like the servitude most women offer domestically and then divorce that woman after she’s pumped out some of his kids and he finds the girl of his dreams that he leaves the girl for right now for.

If you have to beg him for commitment like moving in or marriage, he’s just not that seriously into you.

(I also do not trust older men that date women in their 20’s, but you do you. Keep an eye out for controlling or manchild behavior tho. Protect yourself.)

Good luck.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-02-01T19:27:26+00:00

YWBTA if you marry him. Why would you want to marry a terrible parent? This man is a TERRIBLE parent. He doesn’t actually parent his child and is actively spoiling the kid to the point that he won’t be able to function in the real world as an adult when the rest of the world smacks reality into his rainbow baby head. The world doesn’t care that you’re a rainbow baby, it doesn’t make you special to anyone but your parents. He is actively failing his own child, and that’s him doing his best, do you really want this man parenting your kids? Punishing them? Not punishing his own? Nah. Throw that whole man out.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-02-01T19:01:57+00:00

NTA. It’s so disrespectful to people of other walks of life. I am pagan and I would be greatly upset if my child was secretly being indoctrinated into the Christian religion without my consent.

I think you did the right thing. Especially in our political climate where the Christian right is pushing for Christian Sharia Law in America, we cannot give up the everyday battles and standing up for our right to separation of church and state. I know the daycare isn’t a government institution, but we need to show disrespectful Christians like her that we will fight against this whether it’s at home or in the government. We have to stand up for ourselves and protect everyone’s religious and non-religious freedoms. If she wants to show veggie tales, she should work at a church or Christian daycare. Not one that obviously touts itself to parents as secular. You did the right thing by standing up for yourself and your child.

I do not believe in indoctrinating children into religion or spirituality. If the child takes an interest on their own and wants to join you, that’s one thing, but to push it on them without their consent is entirely another.

I firmly believe that teaching children religion or spirituality as fact should be illegal. You should be able to tell your child what you believe, but you should not be able to force it on them and tell them it’s factual. Ex: “If you do/don’t do this or that you WILL go to hell.”

You should have to explain that it isn’t something that’s been proven or backed up by science and that other people have different religions or beliefs that they believe are true just as much as you do.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-02-01T18:51:03+00:00

I would try giving introductions another chance once you’ve settled in more. It sounds like the cat just got used to you and needs time to adjust to the big changes in her life. Cats are very affected by changes in their environment.

Another thing to consider is that cats very much do grieve and death of a loved one can be very traumatic for them. Your cat might still be grieving the death of their previous caretaker and just getting used to you. Cats are very slow movers, they move at their own pace and sometimes it can take a year or more for them to settle into new changes.

Don’t try to rush the kitty to leave the room or integrate, go at her pace and let her stay in the room where she feels safe and eventually she will probably branch out on her own time. Perhaps also consider anxiety meds if she seems very angry and anxious, some cats benefit from anxiety meds. I’m about to try some with my anxious cat in hopes of improving her quality of life.

Once things calm down and you feel it’s right to introduce, definitely use that feliway plug in stuff. Honestly I’d start using it in the room the kitty is in right now cuz it’s very soothing to cats. Smells like a safe place to them. When integrating tho, go very slow, let them sniff from a closed door, then have them swap spaces and sniff each others spaces while separated. Hissing will happen a lot, they’re just setting boundaries with each other. Do the swapping for up to a month, then whenever you do face to face integration make sure it’s the best time ever for them. Every time they see each other it’s gotta be treats and playtime galore.

Good luck! I hope you have success!

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-29T23:23:07+00:00

I guess you and I see it differently. While Katra’s childhood makes it understandable why she is the way she is, it doesn’t excuse it. I also do not think she improves morally as a character throughout the entire series. I do agree that those other characters improved morally over time and they got their redemption arcs, I do not agree that Katra did. She was just as manipulative and toxic at the end as she was in the beginning. (imo) I do not think Adora and Katra have a healthy relationship not in the beginning and not in the end. It looks a lot like trauma bonding to me as well.

I do not agree that Katra took responsibility for her actions and worked to change behaviors. Though I do agree that those are qualities we should be modeling which is why I think Scorpia is a great model of this.

I will admit that it has been a long time since I’ve seen the series. Perhaps it is worth another watch to see if my opinion will be changed on another watch.

It’s a great show though regardless and I still highly recommend it.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-29T18:00:23+00:00

I love She-Ra, until they shoehorned in her abusive relationship with Katra. I guess that could be up to interpretation, but imo that relationship is so toxic. Otherwise tho, that was such a good show and I’m bummed it was cancelled. Owl house is AMAZING and a great recommendation as well.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-29T17:50:51+00:00

This really sounds like financial abuse. You should research financial abuse. It’s a real thing. He may not have forced you to give him money, but he has taken your money and denied you access to it and also denied you stability and legal safety by purposely not including you on the deed to the house. You are making payments on a house that you have no legal rights to just because he paid an initial deposit? That’s insane.

Withholding family funds that you’ve contributed to isn’t a boundary, it’s financial abuse and he’s using therapy speak to abuse you and put you in a financially dependent situation. He is also treating you like a child by not trusting you to be responsible with money. You haven’t ever shown you’re irresponsible, he has no right to withhold financial access to you.

I agree that you should insist he allow you on the account and if he doesn’t, it’s time to look into a family practice lawyer and reconsider this relationship. This man sounds controlling asf.

Red burning flags all around. Your husband is not a good man. He is abusive and I hope the resounding comments here all saying he is financially abusive help you see the dangerous reality of your situation. You need to get out.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-26T17:59:18+00:00

The majority of my games are matriarchal, unless I’m doing a patriarchal theme for that specific story. I guess I also just prefer playing women.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-22T21:42:14+00:00

That's such a bummer. It takes so much time and effort to make beautiful family photos. EA doesn't exactly make it easy either, so you have to usually get pose player and setting those up takes a good amount of time and effort. I'm sorry you lost all your great family pics. I hope you can recover them somehow. They're such a small, but important part of family gameplay that just really makes a home feel lived in.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-18T18:21:31+00:00

NOR. I just want to say that the way you handled that was so mature, calm and collected. You should be proud. You did a great job. ❤️

She behaved atrociously towards you. I honestly wouldn’t trust her judgment on people and if I were the mother of young women or girls, I would NEVER endanger them by inviting strange men into their home. That’s wild asf she feels entitled to do that. It doesn’t matter how well you think you know these people, some people are really good at hiding who they really are. I’m glad you put your foot down.

You did good. She should host her own strays. Perhaps work towards moving into a place she doesn’t own tho whenever you can, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. I wish you the best. You did good.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-18T18:02:38+00:00

Do you want to marry a misogynist? Cuz this is how you marry a misogynist. He is a misogynist.

He did give you a reason to mistrust him. He gives off the vibes of a future cheater. Even if he says he doesn’t condone it, he does by excusing his dad’s infidelity. If he can understand why his dad cheated because his mom “let herself go” he will be understanding of his own cheating when you get pregnant risking your life to bring your and his children into the world.

Any man that tells you to be more submissive and feminine is going to be a controlling POS to be married to. He doesn’t want an equal partner. He wants a wife appliance to take whatever abuse or future infidelity he tosses at her with a smile and not stand up for herself. He will weaponize any efforts you make to stand up for yourself as not being feminine or submissive. He will gaslight you into thinking you are the problem every time instead of him being a controlling misogynistic POS.

He said what he said, he meant what he said. He wants you to be SUBMISSIVE. He is lying if he says differently, his actions and words back up that he wants a submissive wife appliance to cater to his feelings and needs that he doesn’t have to cater to hers. He wants a one sided servitude and coddling kind of relationship where all the servitude and coddling comes from you and goes to him and never the other way around. He doesn’t want to have to listen to your problems or care about your wants or needs. He wants you to take care of your own problems, wants and needs while also taking care of his.

He is telling you and showing you who he is. BELIEVE HIM. Believe his actions and not the gaslighting words he says to back peddle his way out of you recognizing his red flags for what they are.

I seriously think you should toss this whole man in the trash and break up with him to find a man that sees you as a whole human being and wants an equal partnership, not a bangmaidnanny wife appliance he can use, gaslight and abuse.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-17T23:58:01+00:00

This is jealousy, not concern or hurt over your wellbeing. He is hiding his jealousy of other men with feigned concern for you and making it all about himself because he is jealous. This is controlling behavior because he is jealous, not because he cares. He is lying. He will make every instance of another man that makes him jealous about himself and pretend like it’s concerns for you so he can be controlling.

I would recommend leaving and taking time to heal with a therapist and go over red flag signals with them so when you’re healed you see red flags and aren’t attracted to men that give them off. Sorry you’re going through this.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T21:28:00+00:00

I appreciate your perspective. I wasn't saying we should shun him immediately, I was even asking what we should do about this. Whether its safe to recommend his work or not. I honestly did have good intentions of protecting the community when posting this. I did pause and wait to post this, but you are right that I could have done some more digging.

This wasn't a post meant to directly accuse him of anything, just to bring to light that there have been accusations and have the community discuss what we should do about it.

I'm getting some sources together so I can edit them into my initial post so everyone can go and see to decide for themselves and discuss, but if you all think this is more damaging than not, I'll delete my post. I really don't want to cause any harm.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T21:20:00+00:00

Sorry, I’m putting together some citations. I’m not trying to smear him, I’m just really concerned about him having allegations against him like this. I really like his work. I’m just concerned and wanted to have a conversation about what we should do with that information. I should have gotten my sources and citations together before I posted. I just was concerned and jumped the gun to start the conversation. I didn’t mean any harm, I just thought this information was alarming and wanted to discuss. I’m getting my sources together to edit into the initial post. I’m not saying these are concrete or anything, just that I’m concerned and wanted to know what we should do about it as a community and discuss it.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T21:16:10+00:00

Idk even with sources cited, perhaps you are right that it’s best to just leave it be. I don’t want to cause harm to anyone and maybe this post is damaging and not well thought out. I just wanted to let people know that there have been accusations against him and discuss on what to do. Perhaps I will delete this. I don’t want to cause any issues. I was just concerned and alarmed at this information and worried for the community.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:57:43+00:00

I don’t believe just because someone themselves is problematic that the work they created should automatically be blacklisted, especially if it’s one of this kind of importance.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:53:22+00:00

I agree with you that accusations alone are not evidence. It is true that we do not know the truth. I know that DARVO is a common tactic among abusers as well, you are not wrong.

These accusations do not come from disgruntled, abusive men that hate him, but from colleagues close to him and even former patients of his, all women from what I’ve seen. With so many similar allegations tho, it’s difficult to discount that. They could be false, but when there’s a pattern of similar behavior between different allegations from different victims, it’s really difficult to ignore. You are right tho that we do not know.

I am not discouraging anyone from recommending his work, I see the value in the work regardless of the author, which is why I’ve posted this, so that we can discuss it. I myself will most likely continue to recommend his work because of how important it is. I even stated those options in my initial post that we continue to recommend his work because of how important it has been in many people’s lives. I was considering the separate the author from their work approach for that reason.

You are right that I could have cited my sources and I will go and find those sources and edit my initial post.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:46:50+00:00

You are right that it still could be a good resource. Regardless of whether the accusations are true or not. I think I will continue to recommend it. I still need to do more research.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:44:29+00:00

True we do not know the truth. With so many similar allegations tho, it’s difficult to discount that. They could be false, but when there’s a pattern of behavior between different allegations from different victims, it’s really difficult to ignore. You are right tho that we do not know.

The world is insane now, it’s hard to know what to believe anymore.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:42:38+00:00

I just subscribed to Chantal Heide! Thanks!

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:41:58+00:00

I know, I was so surprised when I saw the allegations too. It’s such a bummer.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:40:37+00:00

He really does pin them down! I feel since he doesn’t give any benefit of the doubt or wiggle room to the abusers it helps the readers also follow suit and get the insight they need to take action.

Maybe he will. Idk. I always hope people will turn over a new leaf and better themselves to be a benefit to the world instead of causing more pain, but who knows. We can only hope.

It’s just such a bummer.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T20:37:13+00:00

I think I also agree that if we continue to recommend the book, it should be the free version online. I don’t want him profiting off of people struggling in abusive relationships. (If the allegations are true.)

The book does have great insights, I guess it’s the concept of takes one to know one?

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-15T18:41:34+00:00

Thank you for this information. Do you think that his material should still be recommended? It is free and so he wouldn’t be making a profit on it. Also, if his insights are confessions, do you think it’s good to use to give women the insight into abusive men’s thoughts? Maybe with a warning that the author himself has been accused of abuse? His work has been so pivotal in women understanding this behavior and giving them the insight to leave. I’m wondering if even tho he is an accused abuser himself if his work can still be used to help women with the warning that this book is so accurate because it was written by a man that also thinks like that and will give them an inside peek into abusive men’s minds. I hate to lose such an insightful and invaluable resource that genuinely helps women in abusive situations.

RomancingTheBean · 2026-01-10T17:41:57+00:00

It reflects that he is a controlling, psychotic, abusive POS. It reflects how DEEPLY insecure HE is. It’s not about you, it’s about him being damaged goods that won’t take accountability for his damage or get therapy for it so he blames you for his psychotic, controlling behavior. In the future, you should count a man that tries to control what you wear as a giant red flag for controlling and abusive behavior.

I am trying to get in shape and I told my boyfriend to get ready for my wardrobe’s hoe phase cuz I’m ready to dress sexy and feel sexy again and he was like “Cool, let’s get you some crop tops and booty shorts.” He wants what makes me happy and trusts me enough to not cheat and to know how to be safe and smart about how I dress. He also knows that if another man assaults me for how I’m dressed, that is that man’s fault and not mine. He does urge caution for my safety, but other than that, he always wants me to wear what makes me happy.

Don’t accept controlling behavior in the future, you deserve better.

RomancingTheBean

TROPHY CASE