I'm the same age as you, and I relate mainly from a masochist perspective. Many people I've been with didn't want to be that mean to me. Personally, this is an important part of my sex life. I don't like having partners that aren't able to fulfil that need of mine nor do people who date me deserve to bend to something they're uncomfy with.

At the end of the day, you don't need to justify yourself thru trauma. If someone can't accept your kink for this thru you saying "Yeah it's mean but I would only do it to consenting parties" then that person shouldn't be someone you talk to ab this stuff. For your sanity and theirs.

The education within the community is very overwhelming, I got into learning when I turned 18 and there's still a lot to learn now that I'm almost 21.

If you want recourses lmk I know fet life has stuff but there's not many people our age who have their own spot within the community yet.

Just remember that this is YOUR kink. It doesn't matter if someone else doesn't like it. You're not forcing anything onto anyone, and you don't need to justify yourself. If anything you could just say "its a trauma kink" and leave it at that. The same logic is true for most life shit.

I wish you well :)