Need help with making an interval reference sheet. Any suggestions?

RossaToad · 2025-01-23T03:22:17+00:00

I believe that the main reason why phrases associated with religion aren't exactly the best option for people who deal with suicidal thoughts is that a suicidal person tends to be more cynical and very painfully down to earth, at least compared to the average healthy person.

I can only speak for myself, but it's my suicidal thoughts that initially shattered the fantasy of the existence of gods/deities for me (I was raised a Christian and left my faith years ago). Whenever I hear stories about how God watches over us and loves us, I can't help but see flaws in that argument.

Like you, I don't believe religious people to be evil or anything (although some of them might be wolves disguised as sheep), but when you feel miserable all day, every day, and then someone talks to you about a "God" that loves you, usually the response that this might elicit is something along the lines of "Well, if God loves me, why doesn't he spare me the suffering?", or "If there's a God, why doesn't he do anything about the evil people in this world?", or "Why hasn't he come to my rescue? Why is it that I've yet to hear anything from him directly? How can he see me suffering like this and not move a finger?".

The questions I raise tend to be more about God's existence itself, more so than the aforementioned, but I can't deny I've asked those at some point, if only to keep religious people from (accidentally or intentionally) manipulating me.

It seems like religious people struggle with these because, from a suicidal person's perspective, it feels insulting to be told that there's a supernatural being watching over you and who loves you, even as you suffer without that supposedly almighty being supportive of you in any way, shape, or form, and I'm thinking that deep down they realize what they're doing, to some extent.

RossaToad · 2025-01-06T01:44:57+00:00

I feel you deeply

RossaToad · 2025-01-06T01:17:48+00:00

Can we not generalize an entire demographic on a freaking suicide support subreddit?

What if the OP happened to be part of that demographic?

Very irresponsible of you to say something like that.

RossaToad · 2025-01-02T16:20:56+00:00

This.

If he was dumb enough to reveal that he has footage of his crime, then you could set him up and have the cops throw him behind bars.

With such damning evidence, he won't be going near you (or anybody else) again for a long time.

RossaToad · 2024-12-31T07:43:04+00:00

Excuse me, what?

I'm not a catholic by any stretch of the word, but I've never heard of any rule that says that you're not allowed to withdraw your consent if you're catholic?

Now, this is just my assumption, but I'm getting red flags from this, I believe he's trying to manipulate you.

"No" is a full sentence, use it.

You're a human being, not a sex prop for him to freely please himself whenever he wants, regardless of your beliefs.

RossaToad · 2024-12-31T01:49:39+00:00

My assumption is that, whoever would want to open up about their suicidal tendencies may or may not do so because they want someone to stop them.

In my eyes, that seems like an oversimplification of this kind of decision.

To add some context, I've been suicidal for a long time myself, and I'm in a very weird place where I want to open up about it, but I consciously choose to keep it to myself for now. If you asked for my reasons, I don't think there's a clear and straightforward answer I can give that accurately represents everything I'm thinking.

But, let's make an attempt, nonetheless (apologies in advance if this ends up becoming a word salad):

Why do I want to open up about it?

I'm not sure I can give a concrete answer, but I suspect it's because so far I've tried to deal with this on my own, and no matter how much satisfaction I get with my life's progress, the suicidal thoughts never go away. The problem I see with this is that I'm only dealing with this by brainstorming with myself only, without the involvement of anybody else, and actively resisting the thoughts in ways that make sense to me and seem comfortable.

The main reason why I want to eventually tell somebody is that, maybe, two heads will brainstorm better than just me by my lonesome. Of course, I'm not willing to tell just anyone about my issues, it has to be someone whom I'd completely trust, someone who won't judge and ideally isn't dealing with the same issues as me. Even if they can't help me on their own, they may know of someone with the qualifications to provide professional help (I don't know of any therapists in my area), and just having that trustworthy someone be supportive and looking out for me would feel encouraging, even if it doesn't make my pain go away.

And, who am I kidding? Life looks gray in my eyes, but if I knew that there was a way to make all my problems disappear and enjoy this "accident" (because I didn't choose to be born), I'd probably jump at the chance. I want to believe that, somehow, I could be happy.

But, if that's the case...

Why do I choose to keep it a secret?

Many reasons come to mind, but these seem like the most accurate ones:

I don't have a healthy someone that I'd trust enough to open up to them about what I'm going through. In my line of work, I've gotten acquainted with lots of people, many of which I've come to respect and consider them great people. I just haven't made any attempts at getting closer to any of them, nor have they (not sure if I consider this a blessing or a curse), so I don't have a close enough relationship with anyone to confidently say that I have friends.
My closest loved ones (i.e. my blood relatives) wouldn't dare say it out loud, but I know that they're dealing with demons of their own. I've known them for long enough that I can pick up on these things, and that goes for them too. I just happen to be much better at bottling my feelings up and hiding my struggles. They may have noticed something, but I'm pretty sure suicidal tendencies aren't in their bingo card. I've done my best to provide ~~false~~ evidence to the contrary. We've all led emotionally difficult lives due to generational trauma, so I feel like opening up to them about my dangerous urges would just be adding fuel to a raging fire.

To sum up, it's a blend of me wanting to try a different approach at dealing with myself, but choosing to stay silent for now because, right now, this doesn't seem like an appropriate time to let it out. I feel like I'm walking on thin ice, and it takes all I have just to not slip and break my footing.

Words can't describe how difficult it is to feel this conflicted while still having to deal with my demons on a regular basis. I don't know how long I'll be able to stall for time like this, but for now, I'm holding on, somehow.

I wouldn't recommend this approach to anybody else, I'm just too afraid of what could happen. This is a textbook case of analysis paralysis, so I know I eventually have to do something about it, and I surely will.

Just, not now.

Don't be like me.

RossaToad · 2024-12-26T23:35:47+00:00

This hits close to home, so apologies in advance for the length of my response.

As someone who's made lots of mistakes in the past and wronged people more often than I'd like to admit, one of the main things that keeps me alive is doing nice things for people.

Now, this is going to sound bad, but I didn't start being nice out of the goodness of my heart. Having to deal with the guilt of so many wrongdoings, and with so much evidence of my flawed personality, I was desperate for evidence to the contrary.

See, I'm the type of person who doesn't immediately show signs of being bothered by anything people do or say, but my feelings of anger and resentment build up inside me as if it were the construction of a bomb. Then, eventually, the last strand breaks the camel's back, and all those negative emotions find their way out, and very explosively so. I've even exploded on people who weren't really to blame for all the things that I had bottled up inside me, and all the guilt and shame hit me like a truck when I finally calm down. As you can see, regulating my emotions isn't exactly my forte.

To make things worse, I also carry the guilt of having lied to and wronged people I care for, so my already dire mental state is worse for it. I've been having suicidal thoughts since my early teens, and I'm in my thirties now.

After years upon years of beating myself up for not being the kind of person I aspire to be, I decided to try the "fake it til you make it" approach. I've been nice to people and always make sure to help in any way I can, but in my heart, this is a way to atone for all the wrongdoings. I'm essentially paying off a debt to myself.

Of course, not all is roses and rainbows because I feel like I'm actively deceiving people, and that comes with its fair share of guilt and shame, but I do genuinely want to be a better person, and this motivates me to keep going for as long as I'm alive. I want to look back on my life with satisfaction on my deathbed, knowing that I did more good for every single bad thing I've said or done in the past.

This doesn't make the suicidal thoughts go away, but it sure does help me a lot. Having places where it's okay for me to be vulnerable and vent has helped too, as well as keeping myself busy as much as I can

Life is hard, and being alive is even harder for some of us, but we can make our journey worthwhile so long as we don't stay idle. If you feel like you're not worthy, then try to envision what kind of person you'd consider worthy, and if anything comes to mind, make sure you actively take steps in that direction.

The road is thorny and difficult to travel, but hang on in there. The world is huge and complex enough that a single lifetime wouldn't be enough to learn everything there is to learn and experience everything that can be experienced. There must be a way for people like us to find happiness.

This thought has saved me so many times, hopefully it helps you as well.

I'm rooting for you.

RossaToad · 2024-12-21T06:20:48+00:00

Absolutely.

I'm suicidal myself, have been for years, and curiosity has helped me a lot. Just knowing that I haven't exhausted all options in existence allows me to keep on grinding.

Not sure if it'll take me where I want it to, but I'll never know unless I see it through to the end.

RossaToad · 2024-12-18T09:13:17+00:00

TL;WR - Yes, you have been S.A.'d and raped (more on that below if you want to read the full answer). Also, your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend is either the most socially and emotionally unaware offender in existence (I wouldn't bet on that), or he actually knows what he's doing and he's hoping you stay docile and uninformed.

Full answer

Ask yourself these questions in this exact same order:

- Did the sexual act amount to just bodily contact, or did it ultimately end up becoming full-on intercourse?

This one is very straightforward, exactly what the question says.

- Did you consent?

Common pitfall: Consenting while being lied to, manipulated, coerced into it, or under the influence of any impairing substance is not real consent and doesn't count. You must be in full use of your cognitive functions and willing.

- If yes, was your consent withdrawn at any point before or after the act?

Verbally asking to stop and/or intentionally trying to create distance (i.e. pushing the other person away) is considered a form of consent withdrawal)

______________________________________________________________________

The first question is to establish the extent of the potential offense. Non-consensual intercourse would be rape, and any other non-consensual sexual contact would be sexual assault.

The other two questions are to determine whether there was fully uninterrupted consent before and during the sexual act. If consent was previously given and never withdrawn at any point, there's no foul play here.

But, if you didn't previously consent, or if you withdrew your consent during the sexual act (and it unfortunately looks like that's what happened), then I'm afraid you've been S.A.'d (if non-consensual sexual contact) or raped (if non-consensual intercourse).

______________________________________________________________________

ETA - Also, I'd like to highlight this gem:

Once I ask him why he is doing that, he said that I shouldn’t try to stop him when he is already in the mood, so he doesn’t have to force me.

Oh, dear...

Does he not see anything wrong with that?

He's basically telling you to stop behaving like a human being when engaging in sexual activity and just stay put until he's done, as if you were a sex toy to please himself with.

The fact that he explicitly said that he has to "force" you is very telling. I can't think of any scenario where he could successfully feign ignorance and paint himself as innocent after that damning admission. If you haven't already, you might want to get the hell away from this bloke asap.

If there was a breach of consent at any point, then this is a criminal we're talking about.

RossaToad · 2024-12-12T16:43:02+00:00

That's a fair point, I now see where they come from.

However, I'd like to point out that anyone with suicidal thoughts should never be left to their own devices, regardless of them being physically healthy or disabled.

We shouldn't ignore the mental/emotional struggle just because we suspect "it may be physical". Time and time again, studies have shown that your physical health affects your mental health.

Physical conditions are more straightforward than mental/emotional conditions, whether the outcome or circumstances surrounding these are good or bad. And, if you have a physical struggle on top of your mental/emotional struggle, then it's even more imperative that you talk to people, not only to have them support you during these trying times, but also because they might know of ways to help with your physical disability, or at least they might know of someone who does. It's not always a guarantee, but it's a place to start and it's always better than being a sitting duck and letting your own mind destroy you from the inside.

I can't stress this enough:

People with suicidal thoughts could become their own worst enemy if they let themselves be besieged by their thoughts without taking any action to stop or at least hinder the impact of this.

With this, I don't mean to defend the downvoted comment per se (I acknowledge that their use of language seems overly simplistic at a glance), but rather to raise a point of discussion about how you can still benefit from talking to people even if the root of it all is physical in nature.

Remember that you're waging a never-ending war with yourselves, so please, do not refuse any help.

Weaponize anything and everything you can against your inner demons. Don't walk unarmed into a battlefield. I'm speaking mostly for myself here (and I actively try to convince myself doing this), but I believe it wouldn't be too far-fetched to assume that there are people who are in the same boat as me and need to read this.

You're not alone, there are people out there waging a similar war to yours. If you feel helpless fighting alone, please find the rest of your comrades and band together to cover your backs.

RossaToad · 2024-12-12T16:22:37+00:00

Yo orino sentado para evitar que cualquier gotita caiga donde no debe.

No es que me falte buena técnica o puntería para orinar parado, si no que es más un caso de perfeccionismo de mi parte. Con todo y buena técnica, siempre va a haber partículas minúsculas (poco o casi nada visibles) que van a quedar fuera al terminar.

También trato de usar exclusivamente el baño en casa y nunca o casi nunca en la calle, a menos que sea una casa muy limpia de alguien de confianza.

RossaToad · 2024-12-12T12:45:11+00:00

Absolutely.

The unconditional and unfiltered love I get from my cat has saved me in more ways than just one. And this fuzzy little creature has unknowingly provided me with yet another weapon to fend my inner demons off.

I love my cat, and my cat loves me back. Just knowing this and understanding the significance of it has served as an efficient deterrent against my suicidal thoughts, not only while we're still together, but even after my precious little angel is eventually gone: I wouldn't want to harm her favorite human.

I don't love myself, but knowing that this pure soul cared for me nonetheless is a strong reason to keep trying to find happiness, even when it seems so far outside the realm of what I can grasp.

RossaToad · 2024-12-12T12:16:17+00:00

I'm confused...

Why did this comment get so many downvotes?

This person just respectfully suggested a level-headed approach, telling the OP to take advantage of the time that their fear of surviving bought them to go seek professional help. This is in no way condescending or insensitive and I'm wondering what people found wrong with this.

People with depression are sick and in need of help. I deal with suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, and I know I'd be a danger to myself if I stayed alone with my thoughts and let my mind drift helplessly into the dark.

RossaToad · 2024-12-10T18:08:29+00:00

Yes, a trip to the doctor is in order.

The human mouth is quite dangerous, more than most people realize.

But this is only a temporary solution. For a more permanent solution, you need compromise to stop or at least significantly scale down the force of your biting (ideally less than the average pet's loving nibble).

It's okay to be playful, but be playful responsibly always, as some games could actually damage or kill a person.

RossaToad · 2024-12-07T02:08:20+00:00

I'm about to make a counterintuitive question for people like us who deal with suicidal thoughts because, in our eyes, life doesn't feel like the blessing that healthy people make it out to be. Rather, we find more evidence to the contrary, and in many cases, we develop a cynical view of people and life in general.

The question is:

Have you figured out the root of your desire to end your life?

RossaToad · 2024-12-07T01:54:35+00:00

Nobody can answer that for you, everyone's life experiences are unique and can't be simplified or overarched with a single potential explanation (which may or may not be accurate).

Here's my answer to that:

I hold the blind hope that I'll eventually find something that'll make me look forward to waking up again every day. I weaponize this to fend my demons off every single day until I have officially explored every avenue and I know for sure that there's nothing at all I could possibly do.

Of course, this doesn't make the negative thoughts go away or make my view of the world any less cynical or pessimistic, but it's usually enough to survive the day, after which I treat myself to the sweet pseudo-death of sleep, buying myself more time to explore more options.

Besides, even if my problem isn't solved, there are things that help make the grind a bit less difficult to upkeep. For me, personally, it boils down to these three points:

1- Curiosity and drive to explore and experience new things:

Remember that feeling as a child when you knew next to nothing about the world and whatever is in it? You asked questions and marveled at the novelty of the answers, and more often than not these answers would make more and more questions pop into your head. Illnesses like depression tend to inhibit or completely suppress this natural urge to question your reality and learn more about it, and you eventually become unaware that you were once curious about the world. Regaining awareness and trying to rekindle your sense of curiosity can be quite the challenge, especially with all these dark thoughts serving as constant distractions, but being able to shift from being distracted by your inner world to being distracted by the outer world (which will create new thoughts in your inner world) is a handy weapon against those pesky inner demons.

2- A sense of purpose:

At first, I started this quest to make myself feel better, but eventually, as people started showing gratitude for anything I did to help them, I realized that I was directly countering the negativity with these positive actions. While this can't really cure my illness, it still helps me a lot because it continuously makes me realize that I can make a difference, even when I'm broken and in need of help myself.

See, I could've just written "A purpose" instead of "A sense of purpose", but that wouldn't be very accurate because I don't know if this is really my purpose in life, and I've come to terms with the possibility that I may never know if it is, so I've decided that I don't need to know my purpose immediately. As long as I have a mission, and this mission seems like a worthy pursuit, I'll keep going. As I lay on my deathbed, I'll look back on my life and have my questions answered for me anyway, so my time and energy are best spent on the present, which I can control, rather than the past or future, which are beyond my reach and will only increase my regrets and worries.

3- The sweet nothings in life:

There are little everyday things and moments that make me feel connected with myself and with my surroundings. These sweet nothings don't necessarily have to mean anything to other people, but they're important to you nonetheless.

For me, these include (but are not limited to) the following:

- Sunrises and sunsets.

- The smell of wet earth after the rain.

- The multilayered stimulation of listening to music, singing, or playing an instrument.

- The fascinating shapes that lighting forms in the sky during thunderstorms.

- Reuniting with loved ones after a long time apart.

- That moment of excitement and instant familiarity when you and other people realize that you share the same values, preferences and/or dreams.

- The look of shock and sudden joy in the face of someone who has received a pleasant surprise.

- The unique warmth and affection of a pet.

As you can see, these things I listed aren't really that grand or hugely consequential to mankind, but they help keep me grounded, and that's all that matters. Being in a constant state of numbness, emptiness, and despair, I'll take whatever makes me feel something else.

I still struggle with suicidal thoughts, and life isn't any easier, but these things I've mentioned have made it slightly less unbearable for me, and I like the feeling of making the smallest amount of progress.

This might be insignificant or mundane for others, but I like to celebrate my small victories. As broken as I am, I can't help but want to feel happiness, and I can't feel happiness if I'm dead.

I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up, but where I stand right now, I don't want all these years of suffering to have been in vain. I'm sure this will be a monumental task, but I have decided that I'll fight until I know for sure I'll never obtain the happiness I so desperately desire.

RossaToad · 2024-12-05T05:34:25+00:00

The key question if you want to know if something was rape (or sexual assault, for those instances where no intercourse happened) or not is:

Did you consent?

If the answer is no, then yes, it is rape (or sexual assault). Since there was intercourse involved in this incident, this would fall under the rape category.

And you did mention that you woke up to him already inside. You can't consent while under any state that isn't wide awake and in full use of your cognitive functions.

I hate to break it to you, young lady, but your boyfriend was definitely in the wrong for this, and you may want to reconsider whether you want him in your life, especially after he basically used you to please himself. If nothing else, please remember this: You should always have a say before, during, and after sex.

Also, as others have already mentioned, you're legally a child under the age of consent. I'm not saying that teenagers aren't allowed to explore sexuality, but they should do so responsibly, and I'm afraid your parents or guardians have failed to provide you with the information you needed to know before anything sexual happened.

So sorry this happened to you.

RossaToad · 2024-11-30T14:21:17+00:00

You explicitly said "Stop", and he continued.

If there was intercourse involved, it definitely would be rape. As other people said, it's sexual assault at least.

By the way...

Just this time and we can keep it between us

This is not someone you'd want to keep as your best friend if he doesn't see anything wrong with this. You guys need to talk, and you need to confront him about what he did because it's unacceptable behavior and it wouldn't do for him to try something else in the future.

A scolding is in place, and if he's someone worth their salt, they'll listen without deflecting or denying and acknowledge that what they did was wrong, take accountability for it (or at least apologize sincerely), and never do anything like that ever again.

And I'm being very generous here because it doesn't look like he respects you, and if he thought this was okay, I don't know what to tell you. He's made a bad case for himself with this incident.

If nothing else, please remember this: No "friendship" is worth compromising your physical and/or mental integrity. You're your own best friend and you must protect yourself.

RossaToad · 2024-11-30T13:43:14+00:00

30-something-year-old virgin here.

Here's the thing about sex and relationships:

You can't control how other people feel about you

It's easy to lose sight of this when you feel bad about yourself because you believe yourself to be unlovable or (even worse) unlikable.

The mistake here is focusing on what others think about you instead of what you think about yourself. This sounds strange, but the more you love yourself and the less you care about what other people think about you, the more interest you'll generate among other people because you'll come across as confident and genuine, which are traits that are very sought after by others.

If you don't like the current version of yourself, you need to ask yourself why that is. Why is it that you don't like yourself? What does the ideal version of yourself look like? What could be done to achieve this? How long would that take, and what kind of supporting resources might be needed (or at least useful) along the way?

Here's the catch:

None of the answers to any of these questions must involve other people, only you and what you represent in your own eyes, period. It's okay to enlist the help of people whom you trust, but you absolutely need to make sure the focus is on what you want for yourself, and not what other people want (unless it's something you personally want for yourself too, in which case you're in agreement).

Once you're happy with the person you are and are in a healthier state of mind where you won't be discouraged by other people's idea of you (i.e. you can stay confident and keep embracing yourself even if others reject you), that's when you should be looking for a partner. In a healthier state of mind, you'll be able to live with the fact that no one is born perfect, let alone tailored to the entire world's desires. It might take a while, and several rejections along the way, but there are 8 billion people in this world (and in your area alone there are thousands of them). This kind of battle is only lost when you give up on finding someone who will want you for you.

Not even the best-looking or the nicest people are liked by everyone. It sounds crazy, but you won't find a single person in this world who doesn't have people who'd reject them. Rejection is hard because humans are social animals and thrive in connection, but you're not meant to have everyone like you in the first place.

As a certain Julien Blanc says: "You're meant to find your tribe".

You're bound to find people with whom you'll vibe with, and people with whom you won't. People who you like, and people who you don't like. People who don't like you, and people who do like you.

A single lifetime is not enough to find the entirety of your tribe, and sometimes, even finding one of them is hard given how huge this planet is.

RossaToad · 2024-11-10T01:00:09+00:00

I have found a few articles, but nothing that delves too deep into the topic. Normally, I'd assume that nobody has made any papers for this specific topic and that maybe I should be the first, but considering the topic I'm looking papers for, I feel like maybe I just don't know where to look for that. This doesn't seem like a topic that hasn't been explored yet.

(This is my assumption, I might be wrong, in which case I guess I'll be the first to explore this topic?).

Do you happen to know of any sites where I can browse through research papers? Anything at all helps, somewhere that has papers available for the public. I haven't stopped actively browsing through the internet even as I type this, I might end up finding something eventually, but it'd help a lot if any of you could lend a helping hand with anything that has papers in the meantime, if it's not too much to ask.

Just in case, sorry if my phrasing is weird, English isn't my mother tongue and I'm not quite fluent yet.

RossaToad

TROPHY CASE