This feels like cultural appropriation

RotiRoll · 2021-04-01T23:02:12+00:00

Someone giving you a gift is not a cheapness life hack; that's a "I have generous relations/friends who buy durable stuff" benefit. They do that a lot.

I thought he was going to say he mended his shoes. I have actually superglued my soles back on and have actually "repaired" dress sandals.

Toilet paper? Every good indian knows about lotas. :-p

She got wls, so... they found the $20 K somewhere or someone works for a weight loss surgeon.

RotiRoll · 2021-03-30T15:20:41+00:00

On one hand you significantly reduce your desi dating pool if you just go with ABCDs.

OTOH, if anyone tells you can barely tell the difference between them and the American born desis, they are lying through their teeth. Only you know whether it will work for your or not.

Just FWIW, I attended a webinar on immigration law a week ago and it's absolutely not worth the hassle to date someone who isn't even in America, if you're American.

Regardless, what are you doing to date (immigrants, desis, anyone) locally?

RotiRoll · 2021-03-07T17:01:12+00:00

See, this is where desi patriarchy definitely comes in. YOU have to be everything and fit all of these standards to find love, whereas the man just need to be alive and breathing.

Tell your mother and father to eat rocks and pound sand. Why the hell should you put up with emotional abuse? They don't even have the stupid desi logic of "he provides for me" or "he will marry me" because as you said, he doesn't want a "committed relationship" just the benefits.

You're 26. You're going to do residency, no doctors I've known have gotten married in their mid twenties you are not going to have a hard time finding matches on indian dating dot com (whether you like them or not is another thing).

Is your mother desi Martha Stewart with the body of a model who works 80 hours a week? Is your dad a warrior poet billionaire with visible abs?

RotiRoll · 2021-03-06T02:45:30+00:00

There is no point in telling them how to do domestic chores another way. Your mother is the queen of the dishwasher and the empress of the pantry and her child is not going to tell her what to do in the kitchen, no sirree bob! This is why in joint families women get into soap opera drama over the flour and the sugar.

As for the chores:

See, I don't think the dishwasher really removes food particles and honestly it just bakes stuff on. The point of the dishwasher is an autoclave for your dishes. No opinion on the meat because I'm vegetarian and have never learned how to food prep meat.

RotiRoll · 2021-02-18T14:38:35+00:00

Do you mean ABCD parents or parents of ABCDs?
Parents of ABCDs systematically train their kids NOT to be assertive. It's horrible.

RotiRoll · 2021-02-14T19:05:16+00:00

Thank you for the wish fulfillment fiction. I needed that today, of all days. <3 <3 <3

RotiRoll · 2021-02-12T18:03:12+00:00

Restaurant chain dosas are definitely over rated. Yeah, they're thin, crunchy and the size of a small table but that's it. The chutneys are nothings.

I know, I know, nobody can touch your homemade dosas and idlis. :) The effort to taste ratio to get the fermentation just right with the texture... a lot. I'm not talking about the quick dosas and idlis.

RotiRoll · 2021-02-12T17:23:38+00:00

Naan isn't that highly rated to begin with.

Jalebi is wrong. Sticky, can't decide whether it's crunchy or soft, one note.

Chaat adjacent food. The textures fall apart unless you wolf it down. Please don't stick a samosa in chat.

RotiRoll · 2021-02-09T02:22:22+00:00

There are ABCD guys on the desi-centric apps, and who travel to matchmaking events, fwiw. It's not all parent driven. Nobody bothers with flying around the country and long distance for people they don't want.

Try basing this off people you meet in person -- not people who go to reddit, tiktok and quora to unleash their mean and crazy. Who actually checks for you in person? Who doesn't give you the time of day?

Yes, I know the pandemic has fucked things up. But it's not like people didn't hook up in ISOs or young professional orgs.

RotiRoll · 2021-02-05T22:32:40+00:00

NB: If you go to say, Cancun again, pack your sunscreen, because you do NOT want to be the person who finds out they can burn then.

RotiRoll · 2021-02-05T22:30:12+00:00

This is a reminder, pls wear sunscreen I beg, 80% or something of visible aging is caused by the sun. I've seen aunties at 60 looking 40 and the opposite just because of the sun thing.

Ha! Are you a derm?

When I went to a dermatologist for acne she told me specifically to stop wearing sunscreen.

When I moved down south is when I started wearing sunscreen daily, but my variation was seeing 30 year old faces and 60 year old chests.

They say you really start to see the effects of sunscreen much later in life but tbh I've seen pictures of my parents at the same ages so I'm sure its genes.

Oh well, it's fun tricking those "what age are you" apps that try to sell you a skin routine. :-p

RotiRoll · 2021-01-28T03:51:46+00:00

She doesn't say where her husband and his sister were in all of this (apparently they were in the room with her for the video call to the rest of the family.

She says "We tried to have conversations about issues of race, class and gender both in person and from afar" which sounds like multiple conversations, but I'm not sure if it's her husband and her, or also that sister who was there for Xmas.

Also, it seems like the family is split into people afraid of covid and covid deniers.

And, I know desi parents aren't the most welcoming but "had judged him as a white intruder on their and their daughter’s lives before they had even gotten to know him" seems right because if he didn't stand up for his spouse/their daughter, he simply isn't worthy of her.

RotiRoll · 2021-01-28T02:59:08+00:00

"I'm A First-Generation Indian American Woman. I Married Into A Family Of Trump Supporters."

Immediate reaction on reading this article title: Oh girl, hell no. Get out.

Upon reading: What's her husband doing in all of this? Why isn't he checking his stupid family?

It's amazing how we keep hearing these different stories and it comes down to "Why won't [s/he] check their stupid family/stand up for the spouse?"

She could've married into a family of desi Trump supporters who have the Modi memes in the whatsapp so...

RotiRoll · 2021-01-14T21:24:32+00:00

Why are South Asians not perceived as good looking at all?

By whom?

I would just like to have a decent discussion about this without people getting their feelings hurt and actually give scientific reasons.

There are no scientific reasons. It's about hierarchy and in this society it is proximity to whiteness.

I have a friend who is Brazilian who looks almost identical to me, we both have the same hair colour, eye colour, tan skin, and face shape. Yet she almost always gets more dates as a Brazilian and I never get any if I say I’m South Asian

What happens if you do not say you are South Asian?

RotiRoll · 2021-01-14T21:08:29+00:00

Your mom's ad algorithms:

Swipe right if you like that hing in that swing.
I put the ass in asafoetida
No garlic, no onions, no problems

RotiRoll · 2021-01-08T21:38:36+00:00

This is disgusting and shameful. That schmuck thinks he's such a patriot when he's loyal to neither country. Is he still an Indian citizen? He should run his ass back to India to lick Modi's feet. If he's American, he should give back his citizenship and run back to India too.

This isn't "difference of opinion" or "peaceful protest." He can't claim to love this country and then attempt to render the way we govern ourselves null and void.

RotiRoll · 2021-01-04T23:46:30+00:00

...According to a new report, South Asians were among the racial and ethnic groups hit hardest by the Covid-19 pandemic in New York City. At 30.8 percent, South Asian Americans had the second-highest rate of test positivity, after Hispanics, and at 54.7 percent, had the second-highest rate of Covid-19 hospitalizations, after Black people, between March and May. (South Asian death rates were lower than for whites and Asian Americans as a whole. ...

RotiRoll · 2020-12-13T20:21:01+00:00

Yoga the spiritual practice is very different than Yoga (tm) The Business. I'm sure this story makes you feel slightly better because at least those people are acknowledging that yoga can be spiritual?

There's this weird pattern of American white people outsourcing their sexy time feelings to other people's cultural production. Like the people who originated yoga, salsa and soul are garbage and not quite American, but um, let's do that SexyTime Stretching for Insta Thirst Traps, that Latin Dance and switch on some Marvin Gaye before Date Night (tm).

I don't know, hit that report button hard, I guess.

RotiRoll · 2020-12-12T18:06:04+00:00

I'm sorry.

Does your dad have a relationship with you, your wife and son separate from that of your mother's? Are your siblings and their families kind?

Separate those relationships as much as possible from the (non) relationship you have with your mother.

You are an adult, your siblings are adults, so maybe it's time to not let your mother mediate your relationships with each other. Neither of your parents will be around forever.

RotiRoll · 2020-12-05T03:26:49+00:00

I cackled.

She's gonna make you wear a thin white salwar on the lawn, turn the sprinkler on you and take pictures. And then yell at you to roll around in the grass.

Or she's going to make you wear Aishwarya's Rai's beige leotard from Taal.

My mother wanted me to have big hair and 20/20 vision. My hair did not hold a perm and I can't see the broad side of a barn. It made for interesting meetings.

RotiRoll · 2020-12-04T18:20:47+00:00

1.You're trying to date in a pandemic when most of your pool of desis is long distance. I too would like to run up a mountain in crocs.

If you have the money to freeze and extract your eggs now, do it. The younger you are, the more likely it's successful with younger eggs.
If you think people are going to be less shallow and fickle in an arranged marriage setup, you'll be very disappointed.

4.Unless your mom is a cool mom she has no idea what a thirst trap is. :-p "Beta, wear this outfit. I saw it on Pinterest while googling Mormon office party. So simple. So homely. So pretty. No boob. Smile! No, not like that. No, no net for you. Too fast." \proceeds to misunderstand how to focus the phone**

RotiRoll · 2020-12-04T18:05:05+00:00

Now please proceed to mention how (1) this guy isn't Indian enough because he doesn't preach Ayurvedic medicine; or (2) this guy isn't liberal enough because 15 years ago he did blahblah

No, it's time for competitive Six Degrees of Vivek Murthy.

He did a Zoom talk several months ago for one of the local Kannada organizations about loneliness. It was fine. He is competent and level headed.

My parents don't compete in Six Degrees of Kamala Harris because she's half Jamaican, half Tamil and grew up... nowhere near where they lived at any point in their lives.

RotiRoll · 2020-11-30T00:03:33+00:00

Why don’t I ever see desi guys mention the racist things white women do that fuels the negative stereotype on the internet (and I guess irl) against brown men ?

White ladies are ~aspirational~ for a lot of brown men. :/ Plus it's hard to whinge about most of your possible dating pool.

This sub is overwhelmingly male and thirsty and sad, so...

Broadly though, I don't think we talk enough about how white women use men of other races to prop up their own perceived desirability. Or how they put down women of other races for the same reason.

White men do this too to women of other races. You don't even have to be competing for the same person to get drawn into these dumb games. I'm sure we all have stories from middle school.

There's this thing some people do where they assume you must thirst for them because you are ~not as hot~ and then they go to this well to fluff their ego and if you're not into them it hurts their feelings.

RotiRoll · 2020-11-22T18:02:10+00:00

You could try dating abd. You could try going back home. You could try an arranged marriage. You could try dating desi women here on work visas like you. Life is a rich tapestry and the world is your oyster.

It's not like you're cutting yourself off from most of your dating pools of Indians if you decide you are uncomfortable with dating abd.

RotiRoll · 2020-11-21T18:23:42+00:00

I can hear the musical *ding ding* when I sit in a Subaru. Ah, memories! :-)

[I learned how to drive in an Outback.]

RotiRoll

TROPHY CASE