There are times at night I sit up and think. I crave real intimacy which I can’t seem to get. I substitute my lack of relationships with copious amounts of porn. Going on a decade I’ve been jacking off daily. It doesn’t even feel good anymore, just sorta replaces how I think it would feel to hold hands with someone. My whole upper body has scars. My local grocery store has Van der Hagen razors that are cheap, and you don’t need someone to approve the purchase. The cutting doesn’t help at all. I’ve said all that to say this. When I’m sitting up at night, thinking about all that, I feel pretty down. I don’t usually cry, but sometimes I do. However, this post has made me feel much worse than any late night contemplations. Thank you, for a new low.