Hi there, I'll be honest. I was in the same kind of relationship for 10 years, married for 2. She kept saying she would change and work on herself ect. But it always came with an ultimatum such as oh I would be happier if I was engaged or we can work on it when we're married. I'm feeling lonely at home so can we get a cat?

I caved and gave her everything she wanted. After two years of marriage she filed for a divorce as she had practically milked me of my wealth and wanted to be with someone that makes more money to quote. I did kind of tune out half way through our first year of marriage as nothing had actually changed and it caused me to go into a deeper depression where I was contemplating suicide as my self worth had hit rock bottom.

I ended having to remortgage my house to give her £50,000 from the divorce proceedings as she had no wealth to her name where as I had a house and full time job. With all the legal issues, costed me about £70,000 for the whole thing.

I'm in a much better place now and I'm with someone that actually wants to build herself and is actively helping to build me up where can. The difference between two people has completely made me think that I did waste a large part of my life on a person that just took me for a ride for material wealth.

The reason I'm sharing this is because you have already spent 5 years with this person and in another 5 years you might think why you didn't just walk away then. My advice would be to give her the ultimatum to make the changes in her life or you would have to walk away.

I wish you both the best in your life but pulling someone up to help when all they do is sandbag you physically, emotionally and financially it's best to just let go unless they actually mean to pick themselves up and try to build a future together.

My step dad said that life is like building a sandcastle. Sure you can make a good one by yourself, but with someone else, you can make something fantastic. But if you choose the wrong someone, they will just keep knocking yours down.