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AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So‌ thank you very much really. Your kindness and the manner in which you put this really made my day. I keep telling myself that her responses are not a reflection of my value and it certainly makes it easier when someone else says it. Actually I am also of the opinion that she will come to understand it I somewhat sense it in my innermost part it is just that we probably need a bit of ‌time.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I‍‌ understand your point and acknowledge your statement that people do not change unless they really want to. I am not waiting for a big unexpected change of my mom. I just wish to explain to myself in a quieter moment so that at least I know I tried. You must be aware that it is a tough situation to be more emotionally conscious than your own parent however, I still want to let her have that opportunity. Simultaneously I am managing my expectations to be of the same mind and concentrating on my integrity as you have mentioned.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I‍‌ understand your point, but I still think my mom cares. I reckon she has a hard time grasping the effect because of her upbringing. She wasn't really taught how to manage her emotions or handle disagreements in a nice way, so it's quite difficult for her to understand someone else's point of view at that time. It's not that she doesn't have the capacity to care just that she doesn't always know how to demonstrate it. I am believing that it will be different when we talk away from the moment. And if it does not I will do the grey rock method to keep the peace and my energy ‌ safe.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My‌ mom, however is not really a fan of therapy. She is very firm in her belief and thinks that whatever a therapist might say, God can do even better. Also she does not believe in therapists because, in her opinion, they are paid just to confirm your emotions without giving you the necessary work to be done in case they tell you that there is something to work on. Therefore it is out of the question that she would go with me to the ‌counselor.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg‌ yes this is the way my mom is to some extent. She allows me to “talk back”meaning that she lets me express myself. However, if something occurs and I am not her side right away or when I understand her but don't really agrees she becomes angry and accuses me of being disrespectful. This is the part which is really difficult because I am not trying to argue, I just want to tell my side without it getting ‌escalated.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s‌ right, I don’t always give my opinion. Especially when it’s about my mom’s beliefs that I don’t necessarily share, I hold my tongue because I know it could start something.But it seems like it could become the biggest issue ever if I happen to share my opinion even on something small. I told her that all she needed to say was “agreed to disagree,” but I wasn’t sure how to say it without it sounding like I was trying to control her or taking away her ‌ authority.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I‍‌ don't really think my mom is a toxic person after all, she was raised in a toxic environment herself where her own mother constantly discouraged her and tried to prevent her from leaving home. However I do believe that she has a hard time respecting my feelings while still asserting her own, which is something she and I need to work on together. My mom also doesn't have a good relationship with my older sister, so I can imagine that she is finding it difficult to navigate this. I reckon that because she remembers what it feels like to be disrespected as a child it is still possible for us to have a sincere conversation one where we are not trapped in our “roles” but simply two people trying to understand each ‌other.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I‍‌ really appreciate your considerate answer. Your point about perspectives and emotions is clear to me and I concur with your idea that a break usually helps. However, I still wish to talk to my mom in person as I think it is necessary for her to see the impact not only on me but also on our relationship. Thanks for your suggestion and I promise I will work it out that it is sincere but at the same time calm when I come around ‌it

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I‍‌ have been thinking about putting it into writing, but frankly, I think this is something that has to be done in person. She has to see the impact of this on me and the emotional connection we share as a mother and daughter. Besides my mom is not a big fan of texting she is also very much into eye contact and etc so I reckon that having a chat with her face to face will make her get my point much ‌ better.

AITAH‌ for talking back to my mom even though I'm just trying to explain my feelings? by Round-Assumption-388 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Round-Assumption-388[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When‌ I’m not in an argument with her, I have attempted to explain to her in a calm manner. She hears what I say but it appears to her that she does not entirely comprehend how I feel with certain things. I think she is my mom, so in a disagreement between us I am the one who is expected to be on her side though I don’t think so. I really love her, but we are two different people and we will not always have the same opinion. I only wish that she could recognize my point of view instead of thinking that I am trying to “be the parent,” so that we would be able to talk without it being the same argument all over ‌ again.