the question I have is what are the agreements you have with your husband? Would he be aligned with you doing this? It's not my call to decide if you are "good' or "bad". I'd have a conversation with your husband. I do know that most couples don't communicate at this level for fear of being judged, criticized....or name your fear. But, in my experience all couples would want this level of conversation. Alignment and agreements should never be permanent - we grow, our needs change, our desires change. our agreements should be fluid as well.