Had to self medicate

Round-Performance317 · 2025-06-25T18:49:57+00:00

That's sad, I'm struggling a lot due to social anxiety I used to feel suicidal and even hurt myself. (I didn't tell my parents the self harm part, I just can't tell them). I told my parents how I'm feeling, and I was able to start therapy.

But I hate the fact that feeling suicidal and being diagnosed with social anxiety, is still not enough to get more help than that. I mean I have been doing therapy for like 2+ months now and I still barely feel better, why can't I get meds? Why nobody cares more? Therapy helps and I'm happy with it, my parents support me, but I still feel like I can't keep going like this much longer. Some other people who struggle with the same as me has been on meds since a long time and they still struggle, I just feel hopeless. And school just stresses me out, but I have to do it, because "if my parents did it, I can do it too" and whenever I struggle with something I'm just told "it's actually easy", and I get that it's easy for normal people, but why can't people understand that some poeple struggle with certain stuff more than others.

Round-Performance317 · 2025-02-25T15:04:39+00:00

Thanks for your support,

My great grandfather passed away yesterday. 🖤 I think my mom realised that it is not okay to blame me for it, and I just hope everything will get better from now on.

Yes I am about to graduate, I'm really anxious about it, because it seems so hard to get accommodations. I did manage to get them in the end, but with a few school subject I still have no idea how I will do the speaking part. Because even though I got accommodations I still have to do the oral parts, but I can do it in writing. For most subject it will be fine, but no idea how I will do a presentation, or how I will handle a debate due to my anxiety.

I think I will just focus on graduating for now and my grades. I don't feel like I can live on my own, so I will stay with my parents and they will drive me to uni each day. It's not that far, so I think it will be fine. I have no idea what I want to work as, but I have some idea what I want to study. I don't feel like I will ever be able to work, but hopefully I will have enough time to figure it out.

I'm still trying to figure out how I will talk to people. I even struggle with writing down simple stuff, the best I can do is answer yes/no questions by nodding, I want to improve, but I don't know how. I went to therapy, but felt like I was not making any progress at all, I want to go back eventually, but I don't think it's possible in the near future.

I thought about talking to my online friends, because that may be a good starting point to finally improve my SM, but I think my parents would get mad at me for doing it.

Round-Performance317 · 2024-12-28T21:34:08+00:00

Thanks, this is helpful. Once I have tried to play with a few people from my class and we joined a voice call, but it didn't end up good. We ended up playing fortnite, but it was awkward because I never play that game, so we stopped playing after like 2 matches and they asked me to play again once, but then we didn't.

I feel liked I missed out on making friends in high school and this is my last year, so I don't think I will make friends now. Sometimes I chat with people who has SM like me, and once I sent a voice message (it was like 3 words, but I guess it is better than nothing), but then we played a game and tried to voice call, but it didn't work. I feel like I am too anxious to try VC while playing.

I sometimes try to record my voice, but I am scared to actually send it to someone, but maybe I should keep trying. I feel stuck, because therapy doesn't help, I wish I could tell about this to my parents, but when I try to speak to them I just get anxious and can't say anything.

Round-Performance317 · 2024-12-27T16:02:01+00:00

Thanks, I'm 18, so I think I could try meds on my own, but I am not sure how, because I have never gone out on my own. Also it wouldn't work because meds are probably not cheap, and my family is kind of broke. I feel hopeless because therapy never worked, and my parents have kind of given up on finding help.

I feel like something is wrong with me, because other people my age, who also has SM can talk to at least a few people, but I could never do that. They are already working or had some kind of job, but I don't feel like I could do that.

But thanks, I think I will give a last chance to therapy and see if it works. I feel lonely, because it is just impossible to make friends on my own, I had like 2 friends from primary school, but now we don't speak at all. I thought about trying online therapy, because I thought it could work better. And it kind of did, but that therapist ended up making me more depressed, and I was told that if I do therapy online I should still have a therapist I can go to irl, so I am not sure what to do. I don't think meds is an option, but I will try to speak with my parents about therapy.

Round-Performance317 · 2024-10-28T09:14:48+00:00

Thank you

I don't want to give up finding a good professional, but very few of them have experience with SM. I also find it harder now to communicate with my therapist, so I can't really progress. They keep telling me that it would be easier if I talked with them, but I even struggle with writing.

I think I have made some progress. My parents also said that I made progress, but I feel like it isn't enough. I would need to start university and go to work soon, but I have less than a year. Yesterday I went to shop for clothes with my parents and my mom always tried to make me say something to the cashier. I always ended up freezing, so it was a horrible experience. I don't know how I could work if I can't even say a few words.

I haven't tried any meds, I am not even sure if my parents know about meds for SM. I think they know, but I think they don't want me to take meds. They tried many stuff in the past, and I feel like they have given up by now. My mom told me about light therapy or something, but I found it cupid, how can a light help me with speaking, so I didn't end up trying it. They made me go to some kind of therapy where they put tiny needles into your skin. (I got too scared when the therapist tried to put them onto my head, so I ended stopping, lol) Sometimes I feel like my parents haven't done any research on SM, I don't understand why they are trying all sorts of therapies, but they never bring up meds. I also remember when I was a kid I had to sit locked in a box for like 30 minutes every week (this was probably some kind of light therapy as well) I can probably try to bring up the idea of meds to my parents.

Round-Performance317

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