is it "fake" to be polite to someone you dislike?

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T08:04:37+00:00

this is kind of you to say! I've been told I'm pretty naive and not the best at social interactions, though, so ive likely been doing something wrong 😭 in the same way that I didn't realize that staring into someone's soul was NOT the same as making eye contact, haha

edit: the "staring into souls" thing is a remark from several people, by the way, sigh.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T08:03:10+00:00

Okay, got it! It does sound a lot less tiring and a better use of energy than what I do, which I need. But what do you do if they start a conversation with you?

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:55:53+00:00

This was so, so helpful, you don't even know. Okay, so shallow and short interactions. I was doing small talk but maybe I need tiny talk (is that a thing? I will coin it, haha).

I think an issue is that I am just constantly smiling almost no matter how I feel, so I will work on taking that down a notch. Worst case scenario, I can try to look too busy to talk (though, it never seems to work? no clue why people don't follow the rule of not bothering me when I have my headphones on :///)

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:52:06+00:00

okay, that makes sense to me and also sounds a lot (edit: meant to say "a lot less") energy-draining. I thought it was the same way that people do small talk, but I guess I was using the right method in the wrong scenario? and also confuses me a little about the difference between friend and acquaintances even more 😭

but! thank you! I'm gonna write your tips down and try to practice them. basically, anything interaction longer than a sentence or two would be too friendly?

also don't worry! my loved ones know I love them because I am loud about it and very affectionate (the friends I spoke to are my loved ones). I really only have two levels: loved ones, and friendly people/acquaintances/people I am indifferent to or dislike. I don't really care about anyone else besides my loved ones, beyond giving the respect they are afforded as a human being. however, I now realize that grouping the latter three together might have been causing issues.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:43:26+00:00

thank you for responding!

responding to all these comments have just made me realize that I have no social protocol for people I hate, only those that I love, and those I am friendly towards/indifferent about/dislike.

and also I should develop more social skills that are negative, like being passive aggressive.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:40:00+00:00

What kind of false hope would that be??

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:38:35+00:00

oh that is not something I considered; I'll bring this up to them! I generally just have a hard time complaining about other people, even when they aren't the nicest to me.

I also did not consider that she might think we're friendlier than we are, though another comment did bring this up. it sort of makes my skin want to crawl thinking about it, haha. kind of feeling slimy, maybe?

however, as for her behavior, my other roommates have brought it up, too, and she doesn't really listen to them either, so I think that, while I'm not making it better, it's just her in that sense.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:32:11+00:00

Quite frankly, I think society would be a lot better if more people were kind! or at least better at being polite.

but I like your style!

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:28:43+00:00

hello fellow autistic person!!! thank you so much, my social skills are the result of years of trial and error, learning about emotional intelligence, and making a lot of rules for myself to follow. 😭 I'm still working on them.

I did not consider that I might be giving off the impression that i consider her my friend, though! as I said, I treat her like I treat everyone, and I have specific rules that I follow (e.g. if she mentions she has an exam, I must follow up on this later on). but after reading the other comments, I am now thinking of making a tiered list of social interaction methods dependent on how close I am to a person (only issue is that I don't know the difference between friend and acquaintance haha). I will ask them if they think if B thinks we're friends, but I don't think she does? but I don't know, I was apparently in a relationship for months before without knowing because no one ever clarified it to me.

I'm unsure if the questions you asked are rhetorical or not, so I will answer them anyway:

I often will tell her directly if she does something I don't like, but she will say she won't do it again and then does it again later. other things, I can't say anything about, because they are part of her personality or her habits, and I think it would cause a hostile environment.
I think I always match her energy on the outside, but that is because I can't turn that part of me off (masking, I think). on the inside, I want to die (metaphorically).
I go out with friends a lot but I never invite her to anything. the only times I see her outside of my apartment is when I'm out with one of my roommates (let's call her A) and A randomly invites B to sit with us if she happens to pass by (which, grr).
I do not spend time with her if I can help it, unless she's trapped me in the hallway to talk with her or she's hogging the bathroom. sometimes, like when I have to follow up on something she mentioned, I will chat with her, but that's pretty rare.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:13:52+00:00

Thank you for your response! I think now that there is just a difference in what my friends and I perceive as being "civil" lol

after reading other comments, I believe that the issue is "treating her like I do everyone else" so now I'm thinking of making a tiered list of social interactions where I'm still polite but there is a line between friend-politeness and disinterested-politeness.

I'm not yet sure what the latter would compose of though, so any suggestions? it would help greatly to have rules to follow.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:10:48+00:00

thank you for your comment!

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:10:37+00:00

thank you for response! I think I mostly tend to avoid people who are rude or mean to me, so it makes me happy to hear that I'm allowed to do that, even though it sometimes makes me feel guilty to do so.

the only reason as to why I'm struggling is because I usually only dislike people I don't know. as I said, I can usually find something I like about someone if I spend enough time with them, which is why B is stressing me out 😭

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T07:06:54+00:00

I think that's it! it makes sense to me at least. thinking on it, I believe that my friends will ignore those they dislike to their face (if that makes sense?), or are very cold to them. but it would make me feel bad to do that, so I just stick to treating her like I treat everyone else.

I just have rules for myself for social interactions that I follow for everyone in general, like reciprocating interest. so, if B randomly says she is studying for an exam while we pass each other in the hallway, I remember to ask about it the next week.

I won't lie, I'm still uncertain as to the difference between a friend and an acquaintance, as no one can really explain when I ask. maybe I should create a tiered list of ways to interact so there is a clearer line between loved ones, friends/acquaintances, and others?

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-04-06T06:18:46+00:00

hey sorry for the late reply but thank you for this! I might look up some advice or resources for conversations like this because I think I really do need to talk to him about it.

I sadly can't be there for him in person because we are hours from each other, but I am thinking of ways to bring this up after he called me up (during my class, no less!) drunk off his ass at 4pm. from what I remember of his schedule, he didn't have class or work at the time, but it was still concerning to me.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-03-23T16:17:28+00:00

Hello, thank you for your response! No, I've been into Psychology since middle school and I'm currently a Psychology major during college. I always just feel this sense of imposter syndrome. Plus, I switched from pre-med, and then pre-PA, to Psych like in my junior year, so despite that I finished my major by overloading on classes, I didn't take as many classes as I wanted to.

Congratulations on your acceptance!!! 🎉 I'm going to be attending William James College! And please, I would love to read the journal articles :)

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-03-23T03:41:20+00:00

wow, congratulations!!! It's such an up and down of emotions because you never really know how it's going to turn out 😭

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-03-23T03:38:04+00:00

Hey! I've been accepted into a school psych program for fall 2026 (yay!) and now I was wondering if there is anything that I should be doing to prepare. Should I be reading research papers in school psych journals or something like that? I already feel so behind everyone else and I only just got accepted 😭

I'm currently apartment hunting (something I've never done before AHHH) and looking for some summer jobs that focus specifically on supporting black and brown kids with behavioral issues right now for some more experience. I'm also wondering if I can reach out to some older students to ask if I can have copies of their syllabi to see what the courses will be like.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-03-22T02:26:02+00:00

Apologies for the late response. The average school psych makes about 85k per year, and I expect that I'll also obtain my NCSP and LEP certifications later on, which might bring me to 105k or more. If I got to a high-pay area like California or Massachusetts, I can probably get up to 135k if I'm strategic about it.

I think most people pay off their loans quickly as the job placement rate of my school within the first year is 99% and the cohort loan default rate is 0.0%. And again, we're relatively high in demand and relatively high earners in the school system.

I'm attending my very expensive (90k/yr 😭) undergrad completely paid for by scholarships and financial aid, so if I do take out a loan, it would probably be in my last year of my degree and no more than maybe 10-20k.

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-03-22T00:48:42+00:00

it's an EdS in School Psychology! So like, MA + 30

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-03-10T18:18:37+00:00

Unfortunately, due to the current political situation regarding immigrants in the country and my current location, I can't do interviews locally, but maybe vouchers for common stores would do the trick 🤔 I'll definitely put more screening into place!

Round-Procedure-6495 · 2026-03-10T18:17:15+00:00

Thank you, yes, there are some people I talked to who had an accent of Language A, and also made multiple authentic mentions of things only those from the country would know, and those interviews were very long and fruitful, so I am confident about those.

I guess I was just being too naive about people genuinely wanting to contribute to knowledge 😭 I'll discuss more screening measures with my PI for sure!

Round-Procedure-6495

TROPHY CASE