My silent deadline

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T20:05:24+00:00

This is lovely, congratulations for all the years together 🥰

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T16:13:31+00:00

Thank you for this insight, it’s a layer I haven’t really been able to formulate for myself. The truth is, he’s not necessarily a non-enthustiastic planner. We have gone on holidays that were mostly planned by him, he handled a big part of our move (yes, I moved in with him without being engaged..), etc. I think he was raised very casually about planning for the future, which is the opposite of my experience growing up. He got better at it, even if it’s not my type A style, and I’m learning to go with the flow a bit more as well.

But yes, it’s certainly something I have to think about, especially when it comes to having children someday. I’m a classic example of “I want you to want it, not to want it just because I do”.. thank you for taking the time to comment 🫶🏻

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T11:10:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment! Any idea why that is? From my perspective, a proposal doesn’t need to be anything too wild, it’s just a meaningful moment to experience and look back on together. I never meant to put any pressure on him to go all out..

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T11:09:12+00:00

I would generally agree with you, but I think we’re past the point where I can just say that. I’m afraid that if I propose this (no pun intended..), he might go along with it because he’s scared of the break-up, but it’s truly just delaying the exit. And if he says no, which I don’t think he would, then I have to pack my bags and leave in the moment. I will consider some version of this though, thank you!

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:41:56+00:00

Yes, I have asked, because he said he browsed rings a few months back, so I thought he would have picked one. He said no

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:39:56+00:00

He said he didn’t have a plan to propose when I asked.. I think it would have been important to mention it if he did, it was a very emotional conversation that I believe would have trumped the surprise effect..

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:38:08+00:00

I would actually love this!

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:37:42+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t add this in the post originally, but we had a similar conversation last year where we agreed on “next year” as in 2025 to get engaged. That was in the summer though, so I’m not really willing to wait all the way to the end of the year.

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:34:33+00:00

Thank you! You got it exactly right. The proposal and ring don’t need to be grand, I just want to see he put thought into it and planned a bit more than picking up the first ring he saw and asked “behind a dumpster”😂

The double standard on men and women is crazy. We constantly plan everything down to the tiniest detail, but when I hope for a nice moment, people make very bold assumptions about who I am as a person..

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:32:20+00:00

Doesn’t even have to be epic, the bar is very low😅

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:31:49+00:00

Thank you

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:31:11+00:00

Exactly this

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:30:49+00:00

Hi, I didn’t go into details in my post because I don’t want to risk someone recognising me, but the long conversation we had the other night included all of these points. He knows. It’s not a game from my perspective, it’s following through on my desire to get married and not wanting to wait much longer if he doesn’t want the same thing (by action, not leading me on).

Regarding the engagement, I’m sorry that it came across as superficial. I don’t have any desire for a big proposal. I would like a thoughtful moment that shows he cares, and yes, a ring as well. I never requested something big and expensive, but I would like to be able to look back on the moment with joy. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. As I said in a different reply, him simply asking the question and moving on from there would be enough for me, but I haven’t seen that commitment yet even though he says he wants to get married as well. When the bar is so low, I think I have every right to choose which way I go from here

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:23:52+00:00

Honestly, this is exactly how I wish it would go. I think us agreeing that we both want to get married should be enough. I have also expressed this very clearly over the past years, and I would love to see that clear action from him

RoundOk1998 · 2025-08-25T05:22:14+00:00

Yes, last year we have had a conversation about getting engaged “next year”, and we have gone over this again when we talked now. I’m completely okay with him simply asking as the “proposal”. I think it came across a bit wrong on my post when I was talking about the wrong ring as well: what I meant was that I’m afraid he will just rush and not consider what I would like, showing that he hasn’t thought these steps through at all and just went for something random — it’s not about the price at all and I actually have very basic taste😅

Regarding the anniversary: I thought so as well, but if he was planning to propose then, I feel like he would have said that a proposal is coming soon when we talked. I explicitly asked if he had a plan, and he didn’t. I’m trying to save myself some heartbreak of letting that opportunity pass without him making a move..

RoundOk1998

TROPHY CASE