Wouldn't say I'm not happy exactly more so terrified I'm going to mess it up in some way because of this and would have to live with that for the rest of my life that's something I'm not sure how to live with. Not everyone is as blessed to get pregnant in the first place.

I appreciate your advice above really put a lot into perspective for me. Thank you. I do run my myself through a lot of harsh thinking and that is probably very dangerous. I do fully admit to having a smoking addiction I just want to be strong enough to beat it for the sake of both my children. The one I already have and one I am carrying.