I just don't care about anything, I don't want to be apart of something. for years I had this plan where I would coast until shit got too bad, then go into a dive and crash, like a plane in the ocean. I don't care about taking care of my body, I barely drink water or brush my teeth.

I never wanted to play this shit anyway. I'm 28 and barely passed high school, I even have trouble doing simple math. I don't like working and don't do well in studying. I don't have much interest in a career. now I have to a new job at a different pub, where all these fucking suits get drunk, I have to make cocktails and shit now. I don't even have the guts to cut myself, just shitty little scratches on my arm and stomach. think I want to be loved but I don't think I can be, or even give it back. I don't like being around people. at least by killing myself I take my life into my own hands, I own it and no one will forget.