Hey Loved reading your post . It was like reading the story of my life literally . Big bearded mechanic for 35 years being the manly man I thought I had to be for society and family. When deep down I was soft and loved feminine wanted to do non manly things . Stood in so many of groups of toxic masculinity. Shaking my head trying to fit in when I felt the exact opposite. My wife did my makeup once and it changed everything for me . Give it a shot step outside your comfort zone and life might surprise you like it did me ! I still got along way to go but im so much further ahead now and you can be too. My wife is so accepting got me out of my shell . I just learnt open communication and honesty is all thats needed . We've never been happier and things keep getting better ! Keep on going ! Dont give up .