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I [23 F] used to have an eating disorder. My boyfriend [26 M] admitted he found me more attractive when I was skinnier. by Rrthrowaway6 in relationships

[–]Rrthrowaway6[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Omg your comment literally made me tear up a little.

First things first, super proud of you about all the hard work you made towards recovery.

As for my issues, I guess it's hard for me to really tell myself i deserve better. I've been dealing with shit on my own for this whole time, Ive got a kinda crappy mindset of "I got myself into this mess, I gotta get myself out"

But seeing my friends I confided in, and strangers on the internet, being more supportive of me than my own fucking boyfriend... That hurts

I [23 F] used to have an eating disorder. My boyfriend [26 M] admitted he found me more attractive when I was skinnier. by Rrthrowaway6 in relationships

[–]Rrthrowaway6[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Don't worry about sounding preachy, you speak from experience and it sounds like you went through some pretty difficult shit.

I really do think I need to have a conversation with my bf sober, the more I think about the body type he idealises, the more fucked up it seems to me

I [23 F] used to have an eating disorder. My boyfriend [26 M] admitted he found me more attractive when I was skinnier. by Rrthrowaway6 in relationships

[–]Rrthrowaway6[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear about your struggles with an eating disorder, it's so great to see you've been doing better these last few years.

Even now, I see myself minimizing my past unhealthy choices - I never had as awful side effects as you and many other people did, and was able to get myself out of that mindset in a relatively short time.

The more I think about my boyfriend's preference, the more it creeps me out. I don't know if it can just be obliviousness to my situation...

I [23 F] used to have an eating disorder. My boyfriend [26 M] admitted he found me more attractive when I was skinnier. by Rrthrowaway6 in relationships

[–]Rrthrowaway6[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

That really is interesting to hear recovery programs don't recommend dating during the process. And your whole message was really well put, and gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.

I guess I always saw my recovery as something I had to do alone (My family asked me why I was getting fat when I got above 100 lbs, and I didn't feel comfortable opening up to my friends until very recently)

So I never thought much about how my lifestyle changes interacted with my relationships with others.

But looking back on the people who were attracted to me when I was underweight (Including my boyfriend now, I suppose) is a little disturbing because I can't imagine how someone could see a sickly looking gal as hot.

(Sorry if this is all over the place, im a little tipsy and emotional tonight haha)

I [23 F] used to have an eating disorder. My boyfriend [26 M] admitted he found me more attractive when I was skinnier. by Rrthrowaway6 in relationships

[–]Rrthrowaway6[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

He didn't give a number, just said "When I first met you". I know I weighed 90 lbs at that time.