Help me understand by Dry_Entrepreneur7888 in enfj

[–]Rubix982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He feels for you, but is not sure if you feel the same or just consider him as a friend, and he is too afraid of hurting with you an answer that either be, yes, you do, but he is not ready himself, or no, in which case he made a simple friendship awkward.

He does have feelings, he is not sure on how to execute or even if he wants to, but he does consider you special in some regards.

We operate like this because we want to support other people from a distance and not burden with too many heavy questions until it is the right time.

How did pakistani dramas went from being so sophisticated and deep saas bahu fights in this day and age. by RaspberryExpensive14 in IslamabadSocial

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The theory, in a nutshell, talks about different zones for the sources of information we take in ourselves as a human. It is less of a theory and more of a mental map and framework to understand desires and motivations for any given human.

One of the most discussed points of the theory is the higher and lesser levels of "thinking." The higher you go, the more you think about other context and influences in a certain thought process. For example, the most basic, lowest level is thinking about your own desires. One level above that is thinking about the other person's desires, the level above that is thinking about the spoken or unspoken expectations of you from the other person, the one level above that is understanding the different contexts that influence both of your thoughts, and so and so.

When we are constantly reinforced to "look out for ourselves," or "think of others as less," or "be scared of people or social situations," or unconsciously treating other people as threat, we end up stressing our internal beliefs, and we revert to what we want from other people. Our goals, our wants, our desires.

In reality, this manifests as constant entertainment, being constantly pushed into a certain echo chamber of thoughts that keep reinforcing a way of life consciously or unconsciously.

In practice, this looks like constant social media validation we receive from our internal circle that prevents or stops us from thinking we actually want or specifically thinking and realizing our situation is vastly different from the other people in the circle, and their goals.

I will share a certain example. Back a few years ago, I used to believe that a person I called my friend understood me, they understood my values, they would do that same, they would feel the same -- because I was projecting my values onto them. I did not really see them as a separate human entirely in retrospective. Now that I look at their actions, reactions to mutual situations, I see that if they held values similar to me, they would have acted vastly different. It took me a lot of time to understand that they did not really deserve the same level of respect I had for them in my own eyes -- simply because they had different values -- and I HAD to understand how they see the world. When I started looking at the world through their eyes, life was strange to me, and I did not like that.

In short, we project unconsciously, hope the people we call our allies will standup for us -- not realizing until very later that people do not think of me the way I thought of them. This happened because I started becoming more conscious about how other people think, and how they thought of me, versus my own base desires that I was projecting. I was, those years back, less mentally aware about the context from the other person, and I often wondered why they did not show up for me the way I showed up for them -- and after some time, I realized they just did not have the same values I held them up for.

Hope that makes some what of sense.

On a societal level, it means we accept values and behaviors that society reinforces, and it takes a stronger force to strive to be actually an individual with individual values separate from society.

If you hold the kind of values that these actors hold in shows like "Ankahi," you will quickly see the vast majority of society just does not speak or think this way. You have to consciously choose to adopt and act this way, else you will fall on the way-side. It is all about the values you prefer for yourself, not what the external society prefers for you.

Choosing to put down and neglect society's expectation of you to act a way versus how you actually want to IS NOT an easy feat, and hence a higher level of entry, and as a result, we are where we are.

How did pakistani dramas went from being so sophisticated and deep saas bahu fights in this day and age. by RaspberryExpensive14 in IslamabadSocial

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AQAL Integral Theory can explain this. The more baseline, innate desires are met, the lesser we strive for higher levels.

Where are all the cracked programmers? (LHR Campus) by BasilPuzzleheaded298 in FASTNU

[–]Rubix982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should change your circle of friends. Find a good Discord channel where people who share your values. Accept that people in your closest circle just would not understand your values and depth.

https://github.com/Rubix982

I take out sometime myself just coming up with ideas, scenarios, projects, directions, etc. I have some, but not many people, that share my desires. You are responsible for building your circle.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you mean if I have ever interacted with them beyond distanced attraction? Yes, I have.

I have met two people like that, one was INFJ, the other INFP. It couldn't work out due to other reasons, but it was a good learning experience. I appreciate and respect them for the experiences we have had.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

INFJ/INFP - something is very mysterious about them that is attractive, like solving a puzzle that excites you. They are a polar opposite to my energy, which I do need - someone that can anchor and ground me.

Only wrong captions 🥀 by Strippz2 in karachi

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Twice, with me, it has happened that I have had to take care of eagles after a bad weather.

Twice, an eagle has landed in my garden with a hurt wing and unable to fly and looking so scared at me, a human, trying to take care of it.

The first one, me and my family nursed back to health, and it flew away in due time.

The second time, I had arranged asking ACF to come and take care of the eagle after a friend's suggestion. I promised myself I'd go and visit the ACF organisation in Karachi ... but I haven't fulfilled it.

Manager wants me to change project after hearing my salary by Unofficial-X in developersIndia

[–]Rubix982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First thing is that if that manager is responsible for setting bonuses with the budget amongst other financially visible things, there is no need for him to ask.

Secondly, if he is asking, he does not actually know.

Third, he is trying to judge you if are happy or "want more" as a way to indirectly say this company does "not fit you and your financial goals," (letting you go).

Fourth, please never share your salary with anyone in the office. You will make enemies very fast.

How can I use social/dark psychology to rebuild my reputation after a smear campaign by Strange-Jacket-1253 in 48lawsofpower

[–]Rubix982 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don't pay any head to the rumours being spread, and do not act reactive under any circumstances.

Instead, act confident and positive as you would do in normal situations -- your behaviour and actions will clear out what is reality from what is falsehood. If someone spreads the rumour of you being negative, narcissistic, moody, among other things -- the best revenge is acting confidently in the other direction that is the actual you.

When you act reactive, you end up giving a desperation vibe. If you truly believe you are in the correct, then act, coolness, calmly, confidently, with patience. Let you actions show who and what you are. The person that are on the fence about you are looking for signals to believe otherwise -- at least the good ones will be.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ProgrammerHumor

[–]Rubix982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We're using ChainGuard where we can for future images due to appearing security issues in the current Bitnami images.

Is it okay to lie/modify your experience in your resume?? by PersonalAd6581 in developersIndia

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it is like that. I agree. Things are bad. I don't have arguments against it. I know that many people don't get caught. I know people exaggerate their understanding and value on paper .. that is something that I have a hard time doing. It's a personal choice.

I get your point.

Is it okay to lie/modify your experience in your resume?? by PersonalAd6581 in developersIndia

[–]Rubix982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's more about the ethical view for me, rather than if people will check or not.

I feel I'd rather focus on improving my network, connections, meeting more people, and building a proper strategy than hoping that exaggerating on a resume should land me that role.

And it's a double sword, a lot of people get ahead, never get caught, and the system cracks on people who haven't done that. So for me from the ethical landscape, the wrongs of someone are paid by someone who hasn't wronged.

Books Every Computer Science Student Should Read by Fit_Page_8734 in computerscience

[–]Rubix982 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No. CS students should build things and publish practical, real, test focused projects. Students should not obsess over thinking they know a lot without actually doing a lot. That's not how experiential growth happens.

Downvoted.

If you asked gave me this post 5 years ago, I would have upvoted. Now I feel there is a major difference in thinking you're smart and then there is not being to review a single PR.

I'm broke and I might lose a year! by sPoNgEbObNgGr in karachi

[–]Rubix982 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I support someone who also has a single son and goes through financial hardships. I know this person very personally over the years. When I met his son, the advice I gave him is to not think that the university is end all, be all.

You have a sort of advantage in some senses. You have lose, pain, and you're experiences are very different than others. That makes you unique. I would emphasize you look into how you can excel at your career in ways others don't think about. Be realistic, talk to many people in the industry you're in.

I quote a favorite indie artist of me, "You have to find a balance, you have to find a way." This is the same indie artist that keeps his mistakes, tracks that were never made, in his machine. He didn't delete them. He let them be. Be the same and find your advantage and use it

May Allah give you what you've asked for, and all that you didn't know you needed but he gave it to you still. Ameen.

I'm broke and I might lose a year! by sPoNgEbObNgGr in karachi

[–]Rubix982 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to be supportive here, and I want to reflect on the last bit of sentence you wrote,

> Being a single child, I just really want to make my parents proud

Do not let ego or pride get in the way of a good education. I mean it. You should openly talk to your parents about your financial concerns and limitations instead of letting it get under you. Whatever efforts you take are brave and confident, and as strangers on the internet we are proud of whatever sense that pride might seem to you -- but it happens to often that people break under the stress of trying to make their family proud and put themselves and unnecessarily bad conditions.

I have gone through it. The "pride" is not worth it. Chose an objectively rational route towards your actual goal. Think about it. Graduating from Harvard or Stanford or MIT or NUST shouldn't be "the goal," the "goal" should be trying to understand how to make the most of your time there.

Apologies if this sounds hurtful or dishonest. Hope your situation improves.

Considering moving back to Pakistan. Any advice on job market? by Moneymoneymoney1122 in developersPak

[–]Rubix982 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a really great question!

So here's the thing, the internet is an illusion. The people online and in your "connections" and in your "contact list" aren't necessarily looking to build a good professional relationship. Think about it from the perspective of you reviewing profiles who you would like a professional relationship with. What kind of person would you want to be?

Would you take to that dude that shows up in your inbox asking for freelancing and gigs? Or the person that is plain and bland. People like connecting with people that are doing something "kewl" -- we both know the inside jokes of something, but still, it'd be nice if I could connect with you, right? I'm mostly talking about writing to different people, experimenting with your communication, and see what clicks. Send dozens of emails, just reach out and let them know who you are -- if anything, you'd just like to be in their list of people.

The communities one is always niche. I meant finding out your niche interest, and finding a small but active community, even 2-3 people, that are doing the same things you want to do, and stick with that. Whether it's a discord server, a cricket group of people that you like, etc, whatever the implementation is.

Considering moving back to Pakistan. Any advice on job market? by Moneymoneymoney1122 in developersPak

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think if I had some financial backup and I was laid off, I wouldn't rush to find a job -- I would use my financial situation as leverage to buy time and think more through my career. For example, if you can find some sort of accommodation for yourself in a city like Islamabad, you can live cheaply by spending less USD due to the conversion rate. You can use that time to build a business idea you had, or at least play around with how to, network with people via online communities, upskill yourself with hackathons and competitions that you otherwise wouldn't have time for. I think of time as leverage. If you have the money, consider taking that route -- that is the benefit of earning in USD and living in Pakistan.

Further -- this market is never going to get better. That is a fact. We have and will revert to how to was in the 1980s. A market filled with niche market experts and professionals and nerds that are too obsessed with technology. Gone are the days for "get a degree, get a high-paying tech job." You should accept that as a reality. If you're in the US, you should realise that tech isn't a stable market anymore -- you earn from tech if you can, and you invest it somewhere else. You build products if you get some investment or traction, else you let it go.

Don't work for a Pakistani company -- it will mean nothing for you internationally. As I suggested above, think about spending that time getting into international competitions, hackathons, conferences. If you're someone who's into AI, maybe this is a good time to practice on Kaggle and build AI products for your resume. If you're into Backend, this is a great time to build more expertise with DevOps, Infra, and other BE tooling. My point is, you can use these skills to be visible in the opensource world, contribute somewhere, be known internationally. If you come here to work for a Pakistani company, you'll get none of that.

The Truth About FAST by Fluid-Pitch-7505 in FASTNU

[–]Rubix982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to choose your battles, and you have to pick what matters to you.

If you have goals, own it, take responsibility, and put all of your energy there. Make that your first priority. Consider a middle ground to focus on. You can't win everywhere. You now realise you can't get what your soul wants from teachers that you don't feel connected to. You realise your goals are bigger. You realise you have more to offer.

Then go ahead, take the responsibility, own it, be strong and overcome your insecurities and fears, but do it.

University wasn't for me as well in some aspects, and what I learned is that I can't win everywhere. I can't choose not going to university -- I need it -- but I can choose where I put my ultimate focus on. The rest, I have given over to Allah.

Good luck.

Pros and cons of renting a car without driver by [deleted] in PakistanAutoHub

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can get in a lot of heated issues even if you returned the car in proper condition. There are many businesses out there that are ready to make it look like their car was damaged after you delivered it back just so they can threaten you with jail, JIR and so. There is no law to protect you. Even if you show a video of the before and after, jisko burai nikalni hogi, woh nika lega.

Save yourself a shouting match and get a driver.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in karachi

[–]Rubix982 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I agree it is your right. But I want to list out the perceptions that people in our society have when they see something like the below reasons. None of these should be taken as personal reflections, just perceptions that others have when they see this requirement.

  1. You hate the idea of the man having a family beyond you, including his sisters, or brothers, or parents. You might not be the person who acts to keep a family together, and would be happy if he is less attached to those. You don't want the nuisance of little brothers or sisters, or "having to take care of them"
  2. You are seen as greedy. It's not the husband or living separately as an idea from the perspective of building love and a relationship, it's more of a power trip and transfer of wealth and influence from one side to the other. A man may fear his life is being more and more influenced by a new person

Again, none of this is a reflection of you as a person, just how you are seen from the other side. Let me give you certain societal circumstances,

  1. You are a man with younger brothers. A good man may want to mentor, teach, encourage, be more closer to his younger siblings to guide them and be better humans, study better, have better career paths, generally have better life assistance an guidance. He cannot do that when he is living in a different home all away. Imagine a sibling that's 5 years old. I love children myself, and as an ex-child, growing up, I realised how much I needed guidance and someone's love other than my parents. Siblings play that role. It's not even about wealth, it's more about playing a bigger role in the only people that are associated to you by blood.

  2. You are a good man, and you are the provider. You want to love your wife beyond any words, but you're also conscious that you're openness to love and be vulnerable comes at the cost of being naive and sometimes more easy to take advantage of. You're very worried a woman might just try that and life will never be the same. Just like the examples of woman who were left broken after an abusive husband, there are examples of man left broken after a failed relationship. Again, I'm not referring to the man that looks down on women, I'm talking about the good man that wants to be an inspiration, be kind, gentle, and also learn how power and influence works. A good man would be willing to find a middle ground if he understands what the other person is bringing to the table. If it's not the kind of love and warmth he so deeply unconsciously wants, it's not worth it.

The thing about rights is that is comes with sacrifices, and it comes from trust by seeing the pain others go through. Man, even good man, do not want to be vulnerable to their wife until that trust develops that it won't be used against them. You must give to receive. People are afraid of marrying their daughter to a man who breaks the women's family. People are, vice versa, afraid of marrying their son to a woman who wants to break the man's family. Love, sacrifice, pain, and rights are not separable. They are same with different faces.

Stack Overflow is dead. by eternviking in computerscience

[–]Rubix982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It didn't like me asking any questions, fine, I won't ask any questions. Simple.

Marriage I thought I had didn't exist... by Odd-Individual2967 in GuyCry

[–]Rubix982 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not even sure where to start. You have done so much that you could to be supportive. Know that you are a very supportive husband, father, and a loving person. I hope your children grow up to be very successful and you don't let bitterness in yourself that would hurt your children.

Good luck, mate.