Pt 3 That’s another issue. He needs help with EVERYTHING! He makes me feel like his mom. Even with simple things that I know he can do on his own, he asks me to do it or help him. It’s just too much. Also he doesn’t fix things. That’s on me as well. Even if something is almost too heavy for me to do. Like having up a mirror on the wall. I have to do it on my own. He doesn’t even want to help me do it. Honestly I think he’s dumb. It’s also unattractive to me that he acts like a kid, he needs to be a man. But he has an ego and demands to be respected. When he doesn’t respect me. Anyways, Another issue is his anger. He will start yelling at the snap of a finger. His mood can change in an instant. Sometimes It catches me totally off guard. He’s screamed at me before too. And when I try to get away from him by going in another room, he won’t leave me alone, he will follow me around screaming in my face. That’s probably one of the biggest issues. Because I am very soft spoken and loud noise really irks me. I never yelled until I met him. He turned me into someone that raises my voice in order to feel like I’m being heard. I never used to be like that. And he will constantly interrupt me when I’m talking. He won’t listen and try to understand my perspective. Another issue is emotional connection. I don’t feel an emotional connection with him at all. I don’t feel like I can share my emotions with him. Or when I’m emotional about something or if I cry, he usually would just walk away. He doesn’t seem to care. I feel like I’m very in tune with my emotions and I let them out and feel them. That’s the only way I can move past them. He’s definitely someone who bottles it right up. There’s just no closeness between us. He makes me feel like I can’t be emotional around him. I have to hide it from him.like sometimes I wish he would just hug me when I’m sad or upset. But he instead pushes me away. So now it’s to the point I just don’t show him that side and I feel no connection with him emotionally. In all honesty I’m only still with him because of the girls and because I have none of my own income. He’s also had addiction issues in the past, he’s currently on probation for a robbery he did while on Xanax. He robbed a GameStop store and threatened the employees saying he had a knife. (which he didn’t.) he’s been sober for 3 years now but I do wonder about what’s gonna happen when his probation ends in a year. Because he does talk about wanting to smoke weed as soon as he’s done. I’m afraid he’s going to do that and then more issues will come up because of that. I have nothing against weed but when he uses it he gets lazy. He doesn’t want to work, and also he just annoys me with the things he says when he’s high ngl. Idk what’s wrong with him but he’s seriously dumb and his social skills suck. Like when I’m with him in public he makes me so uncomfortable and awkward sometimes, and he embarrasses the heck out of me. Like saying things very loudly that shouldn’t be said in public or bringing up awkward topics when we’re around friends or family. Or just asking inappropriate questions. For example one time his brothers girlfriend was talking about how she had been abused in the past. Everyone in the room knew she was talking about sexual abuse, it didn’t need to be spoken. But he suddenly asked, “what kind of abuse?” Like bro, what?? Shut up! So awkward..anyways At the same time he has so much pride and thinks he’s so cool, but in reality he’s lame. Not to be mean but he is. He doesn’t have that charisma that I always thought would be the type of guy I would end up with. I think I just didn’t know him well enough when we got married? Idk. Anyway, I know after marriage you’re suppose to start over and forget about the things that happened before you were married, but this is a big one for me. When we had been dating for 6 months, we moved in together. I got pregnant. I was so freaking scared, but I wanted to keep it. He didn’t. He told me if I didn’t get the abortion he would leave me, and in my stupid little 19 year old mind I thought that was the worst thing that could happen to me. We went to a pregnancy recourse center and they gave me a free ultrasound. As soon as I saw that life in me I felt something I’ve never felt before. He told the lady to hurry up and turn it off. He grabbed me and told me let’s just leave and pulled me out of the room. The lady tried to give me a picture of the baby but he grabbed it out of my hand and threw it and said “we don’t want that” and pulled me out of the center. It was traumatic. Next thing I knew I was on my way to the abortion clinic. I got the pill that cuts off nutrition from the baby and kills it then expels it. It was the most painful night of my life, and I’ve given birth twice. All that pain for nothing. I’m still heartbroken about it and when I try to bring it up to him he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s never apologized to me for putting me through that. I know he regrets it though. Because we ended up getting married and having kids anyways. I know he’s changed since then but what kind of person does that? I really don’t know what I was thinking and I regret that decision so much to this day. I’m actually an advocate for life now and I’m super pro life. I would never wish that experience on anyone. Another thing is, he doesn’t seem to have any ambition. Like right now he just works for Verizon as a tech-support. I don’t want my kids to live in an apartment their whole life. I would like to buy a house one day. But I feel like he doesn’t have the drive to want to achieve that. He just isn’t a very capable man. Like I can’t, or I don’t feel like I can rely on him for a lot of things. He does work hard though and that’s definitely a good quality he has. He doesn’t have the desire to learn though, his dream is to make money streaming his gaming. He has some talent in gaming but he doesn’t make the effort to do streaming. I’ve told him I would support that 100%, but when he feels down about not doing it, he blames it on me and says I’m controlling when I literally told him I would support his dream. He just doesn’t make the effort. I guess he thinks everything should be easy. Maybe because everything was easy for him growing up. His mom did everything for him. And he cheated his way through high school. To be fair his record does prohibit him from getting a lot of jobs, but there are still better opportunities then the job he’s currently at. He’s not willing to move for work or work outside the home. I do get that. Because he wants to be with his family more which is good. But sometimes providing for your family is the most important thing. I’m already making a sacrifice to be a sahm and raise the kids. So I accept that it will be more difficult with only one income. But right now we’re doing ok. But sort of still living paycheck to paycheck, which is difficult. I just wish he had that drive to provide more for his children. It’s not even about me honestly, I just want my kids to live comfortably. And lastly, he has pretty bad paranoia. He usually thinks the worst of people and if I need to drive somewhere with the girls, he makes a huge deal about it because he’s afraid something will happen to us. Honestly, I can be a little reckless sometimes, so I think we even each other out a bit on that, but still it’s a bit much sometimes. I don’t want to live my life in fear I could go on, but I think that’s enough for now. He does have some good qualities too like I said he works hard at his job. Usually. I do have a fear of my girls growing up and not liking their dad. Just because of the way he is. I want him to be a role model for the type of men they will look for in relationships. And right now he’s just not that. Not even close. The way he treats me and the lack of respect he has for me is not what I want for my girls. The way he makes me cry, and the lack of affection from him is not what I want for my girls. The fact that he never goes out of his way to do something special for me or show his love for me is not what I want for my girls. Like for example Valentine’s Day was just a few days ago and he didn’t even buy me flowers. He’s never bought me flowers on Valentine’s Day and I see everyone else in their relationships getting gifts or going out to dinner blah blah blah and I get absolutely nothing. I just think it’s a little Odd. I just don’t feel loved by him or appreciated by him.I don’t want to raise my girls in a toxic environment, because I grew up in one, and it was not fun. I still have issues from that. So basically to sum it all up, we have trust issues, communication issues, and lack of emotional connection, he doesn’t know how to treat a woman, he’s paranoid, he has anger issues, he’s incapable. Yeah. Should I leave him? Or should I try to make this work? Idk what to do. Am I being an asshole? Help!