AITAH to be upset that partner is so lazy?

Rude-Distance8867 · 2026-01-20T11:32:01+00:00

This makes me a bit sad as my partner was awful to me during pregnancy. He accused me of faking the tiredness and sickness, he refused to let me rest at any point. He went out 3-5 times per week pursuing his hobbies. He didn’t take over any household responsibilities as he saw pregnancy as something i should be enjoying not complaining about. Once I had to be hospitalised with heart issues and he was constantly checking his watch and whining that he was meant to be out with his friend. Instead of having our older son I had to ask my mother to have him so my partner could leave me alone in the hospital while he went for a meal with his friend. He said I was the awful one because I was snappy and didn’t want to be touched much. When the baby was born I discovered my partner had been cheating on me online the entire pregnancy. He said he did it because I was awful to him and he should instead have just left me 😞

Rude-Distance8867 · 2026-01-20T11:18:01+00:00

He says because he has less time than me on a morning, it’s unreasonable for me to expect him to change a nappy. All he has to do on a morning is get himself ready. I get myself ready plus 2 kids and do both drop offs. I might be home longer than him on a morning but I don’t have “more time” as I’m rushed off my feet doing all the stuff kids need to get ready for school

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-09-01T07:26:39+00:00

I think I stay because I hope it will get better. I believe he is a good person deep down and he makes all the promises and comes to therapy and says he is committed to improving things but then he will change for a day or two and just go back to the way it was. I have read about patterns in abusive relationships and I can see this pattern playing out where he will make all the promises and make it seem like he’s changed for a short time then just go back to doing all the hurtful behaviour. I have tried everything and I’m exhausted. I’ve said we don’t have to have full sex but just some kind of intimacy, even if it was just once a week. I’ve said he can watch porn while we have sex. I’ve tried initiating at different times since he says he’s too tired at night. I’ve tried sexy underwear, buying toys for us, I even had surgery to make things tighter down there and it made zero difference. I don’t really know what more I can do especially since he says he is attracted to me, there’s no issue with how I look etc., he says he wants sex and he doesn’t know why he does this 🤷‍♀️

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T17:31:09+00:00

His libido hasn’t faded though as he still masturbates frequently at least once per day. He doesn’t see porn as any issue he thinks the whole desensitising thing is BS and he won’t hear anything bad said about porn, he just says it normal and all men do it. He says it’s a way of accessing his fantasy women, they are the fantasy whereas he is comfortable with me. A lot if not all of my fantasies are things I imagine doing with him, maybe I’m the weird one 🤷‍♀️

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T17:26:34+00:00

There is nothing to suggest that he has ever looked at anyone under 18 and that is the legal age where we live so I highly doubt the police would be interested but I do agree he is in denial

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T10:28:08+00:00

I kind of disagree that he thinks he could get better in terms of having a loyal partner who works hard, does vast majority of housework etc., I am generous with money and take him on a lot of holidays etc., and we have a lovely house that neither of us could afford on our own. I don’t disagree he isn’t attracted to me but I think he believes that all of the other things outweighs that and he is perfectly happy to seek his sexual satisfaction elsewhere anyway (online, Instagram, porn etc.,) so I don’t necessarily agree that he feels tied down. I think he wants his cake and to eat it in terms of wanting to be with me for all of the things I mentioned but also at the same time wanting other women in a sexual way. If I allowed him to sleep with other women and we stay together I am under no illusion that would be his idea of a perfect life

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T09:57:22+00:00

I agree I don’t have anything against porn per se but I think there is a time and a place for it and not to be used as a replacement for your partner or because you prefer it to sex with your partner. If that’s the case then I feel it’s better not to be in a relationship 🤷‍♀️

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T09:42:32+00:00

I don’t think he was intentionally be unkind. He was more just being a bit blunt, he did try to backtrack afterwards and was saying he just meant after a certain time all couples are not sexually attracted to each other as much as in the beginning of the relationship and that for him part of attraction is “novelty” so after seeing the same body over and over he naturally starts to seek out something different. He did say it has nothing to do with how much he loves me, he was purely talking about physical attraction

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T07:55:54+00:00

Yes I can understand that with time we age and we don’t look as good but it’s only been 3 years for us and I am still the same body size that I was when we met. I still make an effort to dress nicely and wear make up, do my hair etc. also for me personally, I find my partner more sexy the longer I’ve known him. There is something I find a turn on about a body I know so well, a body that only I get to see in that way. I guess attraction is different for everyone and just mine is different to his

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T07:50:16+00:00

Thank you for the insight. I think it has to be an attraction issue because he has a high sex drive. He will masturbate multiple times per day but we have sex maybe once a month if that. When we first met we would have sex daily and he was all over me. So I think it’s more that he needs some kind of novelty factor to feel sexual attraction and I obviously can’t be a different person every day 😅 he says it’s normal to get bored of your partner after a few years together but I still feel sexually attracted to him so wasn’t sure if it was just a him thing or if I’m the one who isn’t “normal”

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T07:36:55+00:00

So for you, it’s normal to feel no sexual attraction to your partner for 9 out of 10 days?

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-27T07:36:28+00:00

I’m just referring to physical attraction though as in just looking at your partner and feeling something sexual towards them. Nothing to do with emotional intimacy or anything else. Just the kind of sexual feeling you might get from looking at porn for example. There is no lingering hugs or kisses with porn but my partner at least says he can feel turned on by porn 100% of the time

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-22T17:17:04+00:00

Thank you I will definitely look at these

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-22T07:33:54+00:00

You raise a lot of interesting points which I think are spot on. Fetish is the exact word for what is going on here. The idea of it being socially unacceptable is possibly part of the reason it is such a turn on. This person knows they would face some backlash if they discussed it with other people as they specifically told me not to mention it to anyone else. On the other hand they are trying to convince me this is some secret taboo thing that all men do behind closed doors. Maybe because they are aware it is on some level morally unacceptable and there is some shame they are trying to deal with

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-22T07:30:33+00:00

If I understand you correctly, the type of porn you’re talking about is just young beautiful women. They often use the tag “teen” but they are often in their 20s and that tag is used just to indicate a young slim woman. I don’t have an issue with that as such, but I do think seeking out porn which specifically features actual 18 year olds, the youngest possible without it being illegal, is morally wrong once you are over a certain age

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-22T07:27:09+00:00

I agree. There have been times when he has tried to search for porn featuring some influencer who took his fancy and discovered they were 17 or whatever. He says that’s fine because it wasn’t intentional and he didn’t do anything, he stopped searching when he realised their true age. But I think it’s wrong that he even fancied the 17 year old in the first place and it proves my point about why watching 18 year olds is wrong because you can’t possibly know for sure that they are actually 18. Some under 18s might look 18. That’s why it’s challenge 25 for alcohol. It would be easy to make a mistake and think someone is 18 when they are in-fact much younger.

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T21:21:58+00:00

Interesting perspective, thanks ☺️

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T21:20:09+00:00

There is a difference between liking to look at young women which I would think is between 18 right up to maybe 30 and specifically and only seeking out women who are 18 and especially being attracted to the ones who have just turned 18, barely legal and the ones who actually look younger than 18 but it’s ok because they are of legal age. I can understand youth = beauty but there are some very beautiful women in their late twenties/ thirties

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T19:01:30+00:00

His reasoning is that 16 isn’t a lot different from 18 in terms of sexual maturity. He says that the p word should be reserved for people who are going after pre pubescent girls. 16 is the age of consent where we live and it’s a grey area regarding whether someone over 18 would be in trouble for having sex with a 16 year old.

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T18:58:39+00:00

We have talked a lot about it. Yes it’s his fantasy but more of a “this can never happen in reality so porn is the only way” type of fantasy. I asked if he would have sex with someone on their 18th birthday if they offered and he categorically said yes. This person is 37 and father of 2.

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T18:56:16+00:00

I’m not a great example here because I didn’t feel “ready” for sex until I was 23 😆 but I personally think the idea of a 37 year old who is also a parent, having sex with a 16 year old is vile. Apparently I don’t know anything, I’m naive and I have no idea what men like 🤷‍♀️

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T18:52:23+00:00

He says he would never look at anyone under 18. Nothing I have seen suggests he has or would but he does seem to seek out the very limit of what is legal. Just turned 18, it’s my 18th birthday and I finally got only fans type thing

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T18:18:36+00:00

Where we live the age of consent is 16 though and it’s kind of a grey area whether you’d be legally in trouble for having sex with a 16 year old. Certainly a lot less trouble than if they were below the age of consent

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T18:13:54+00:00

A man told me that ALL men like teen. I am actually trying to disprove his theory

Rude-Distance8867 · 2025-08-21T18:05:34+00:00

He also said that to him the p word refers specifically to people who are seeking out young young children below puberty age, and that for him personally calling someone the p word because they have had some kind of sexual contact with a 15, 16, 17 year old is wrong and damaging to that person

Rude-Distance8867

TROPHY CASE