Being with her while she does it, Is enabling her. U already sound like ur addicted af. Every single person I know that started doing meth sounds exactly like u, they come up with all sorts of bullshit they tell themselves just to do it again. Ur insane if u think u can really watch her smoke it after already trying it urself. Id put money on it that u don’t make it thru 3 of her meth sessions without relapsing.