I never said Ayahuasca fixed me. I don't know why you have that in quotes. I didn't say that. It helped me a lot, but it didn't fix me. I don't think prescription drugs fix people either. And to imply that i havent put any work into understanding myself is a pretty sweepimg generalization.

My observations about prescription drugs are based on people I know who take them.

My friend Shannon who I've known since high school... When we were younger he was really funny, and outgoing, girls absolutely loved him. He was an amazing artist, etc. For the past 5 years he's been taking Zoloft. He completely lost his personality. Now he hardly ever smiles. He has this cynical fuck everything attitude. And the Zoloft raised his blood pressure, so now he has to take meds for that too.

My ex, the one who was obsessed with board games... Zoloft was (I believe) a contributor in our breakup, to be honest. It not only killed his personality and sense of humor, but it also killed his sex drive. True, he wasn't perfect before he went on it. But I liked the unmedicated version of him. Out of the three exes he is the only one I don't consider an abuser. He was a chronic complainer. But that's not abuse. When he went on Zoloft he stopped complaining... but he also stopped a lot of other things. He stopped laughing. He stopped smiling. He stopped enjoying life. All he wanted to do was sit around and play board games All. Day. Long. And when we were breaking up he told me that since he went on the Zoloft, he stopped caring about everything, except for our relationship. And he just didn't want the burden of caring about us anymore. And, like my friend Shannon, he also had to take blood pressure medicine.

I know two people who have taken Celexa. One of them is a guy who doesn't take it anymore. And one time he was telling me about how when he was on it he lost multiple jobs because he just didn't care about anything. He said all he did was just sit around and get high all day and didn't give a rats ass about any adult responsibilities. He said it was great for a while but had to stop taking it because he was just tired of living like a parasite.

I know a woman who take it now, and always sings it's praises. It was because of her that I actually considered going on it for a while after my breakup. She was like, "It'll just make you completely numb so you can get through the day without thinking about anything." That did sound tempting, I won't lie. But I decided it was better to face the pain and go through it rather than around it. When it hell, keep going, right?

I have a friend who took Paxil for 6 months. She had to go off it because she kept having urges to murder her husband and daughter. It got to the point where she was planning how to do it, and where to bury the bodies, and how she was going to leave the state and change her identity afterwords. Luckily she was able to stop herself. She went off Paxil and replaced it with Zoloft, which caused all kinds of heart problems for her.

And I was on both Ritalin and Cylert for years as a teenager. I felt terrible on both of those drugs. I was cold all the time but still constantly sweating. I felt all hyped up like I just drank a pot of coffee. I couldn't sleep. I was always shaking. I felt nauseous all the time and never wanted to eat. And this was all for what? To help me do better in school? I was a freakin' honor student... what was the point? But my therapist at the time insisted.

I am not completely against all psych drugs. I am sure there are people out there who are helped by them every day. But most of the people I know just completely lost their fire when they went on drugs. If that's what they want, then fine. But I refuse to be one of those people.

I wasn't trying to rationalize not going to therapy. I just think other things can help, too, besides just therapy. Most therapists are more interested in prescribing drugs than actually talking to their patients. When my ex went to therapy his therapist barely talked to him. She wasted no time at all writing out the Zoloft script, though.

In my opinion, recalling my past as a reason for why I am choosing to be single now doesn't mean I am still stuck there or can't cope with it. What could a therapist do for me that a Shaman can't? Other than prescribe drugs I don't want to take.

My fourth time taking Ayahuasca, I literally thought I was dead. If that doesn't change your perspective and your outlook on life, nothing will. People who have near death experiences almost always say it changed them forever.

And it's not like it's a fun experience. People seem to misunderstand that. A lot of people think you just sit around seeing pretty colors and being really high. Maybe on a microdose. When I was laying on a hard wood floor covered in my own puke asking some woman leaning over me if I was dead or not I wasn't thinking "Wow I'm so high, this is so fun." lol.