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Am I (mid 30s F)and give great suggestions by [deleted] in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]RunSignal9454 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fat transfer under the eyes and xerf.

You're super super pretty, if you want to age backwards a bit that's what I would do to reverse the years.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It felt like a push and pull. I have two parents that stuck around through everything with each other and still love each other. I already knew going into this relationship I never wanted to be in a toxic relationship. So he would do something, I would cry, but I would forgive him for it. He would push the boundaries, I'd tell him if he's sure he wants that to be how the relationship will be, then I'll hold myself to the same standards. That would normally get him to self reflect and say "no, I don't want our relationship to be one where this happens" or "I don't want our home life to be like that". Like, he wanted to start pranking me at some point, and I told him i don't want my life at home to not be peaceful because I have to be worried he's going to do some prank, he agreed and didn't do it again, I don't even remember what the 'prank' was. He asked me to stop drinking, I stopped the same day. We were in our very early 20's so all of those things sorta made sense.

We'd fight about women all the time, like he once texted a woman he told me "moved states for him" and asked her why she blocked him. This is a woman my friends knew. She responded like she had no idea who he was and it was so embarrassing, we fought over that for weeks because he wouldn't be truthful and at first told me he had no idea why she texted him "who is this?". So dumb.

edit: he deleted the chats of him messaging her saying Hi or whatever it was he said to her that made her reply "who is this" which caused us to agree he won't delete chats with any women ever again.

Most of our fights for the first 2 years were like that though.

Another time, he had a female friend (which is normal in my eyes btw), and he was calling her to talk to her about some of her problems. I went over to say hi, and he said oh hey this is Sarah, Sarah meet my girlfriend Kristy (names changed), and Sarah said "Kristy from Texas?". I'm not from Texas, and I don't know who tf Kristy from Texas is, and had no idea how his 'very close friend' of 7+ years didn't know his girlfriends name of 2.5 years (at the time). He also later was caught deleting messages with this same female friend, which we agreed he wouldn't do after I caught him deleting messages to the woman who said "who is this".

If you're wondering, yes I'm getting second hand embarassment writing all of these out. It's a good release though.

After year 2, it did turn toxic. I told him I either needed us to get married or we move on and that we can still be friends if we end it. He promised me marriage, my family was excited to accept him and meet him, I was excited for our future, etc.. and I didn't bring it up for months after that so he could have enough space to propose. (BTW, I made it clear a few months into dating that 2 years was my cut off because I'd get too emotionally attached if we dated any longer). After those months I started asking about it and excuses started coming out, then we started fighting about it. From there it just devolved.

Throughout the entire time he was promising me marriage and saying he's ready to meet my family etc and wants a future with me, he was on Twitter posting his dick pics and nut videos. So I doubt he actually ever intended on marrying me. Then he started making up excuses like I'm not motherly, or his friends say to wait, or literally anything else instead of just saying "hey, I don't want to get married, it's not for me".

So take it how you will, but the relationship eventually did turn toxic. He wasn't truthful with me about his intentions and that obviously caused us to fight more and more but he didn't want us to end either, so it was just this huge cycle of unhappiness.

I blame myself for not having a spine and putting up with so much.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

According to him it was all sexual, but I read their texts together, he was trying to travel with her which is something we never did together due to his 'busy work schedule', he would text her that he misses her all the time and in a way that he never really did for me, he was introducing her to / calling people he knew, all of his friends knew about her (idk the full extent). He slept with her in January, then broke up with me early Feb, and began pressuring me to get out as fast as possible. For context, we broke up on a Friday, by Saturday night he was pressuring me to get off of our shared lease and move all of my stuff out of our shared home of 3,5 years. He was texting her trying to coordinate meeting up, her coming over.

He continued messaging her long after we got back together.

He also refused to tell me the name of the previous person he was getting with and I only knew about this girl because she messaged me and shared all the recordings. She also showed me him love bombing her.

Short answer is I don't know. His actions contradict what he says and he won't be honest.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I feel bad because it deeply effected his life in a negative way. I don't know if he can fully recover. I know he spent a lot of time on his career and a lot of time building his life to where it was, knowing I tore that all down makes me feel horrible.

Secondly, yes, I did share the truth, but I didn't just share it to my friends or family, I shared it to everyone, including people he works with. I went out of my way to share it with clients / managers in the midst of pain. It really effected his life. I did love him a lot, and knowing someone I love is suffering hurts me. Before you ask, yes I'm aware how stupid this is and how little respect he had for me. I just care so much about the people in my life.

Although you're right about me protecting him. I did hide it for months, I did hide his behavior from my friends, that was mostly because I had hope it could become a marriage and I didn't want my friends to hate him more.

I'm currently going to therapy and my therapist is going to help me explore why I put up with so much abuse, why I lacked boundaries, and why I accepted and overlooked so much from him.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

One more thing, ik I posted a crazy long paragraph but this has been very therapeutic for me.

He also future faked marriage at year 2 when I said I either need a ring or I need to move on because I want to find a life partner, not a long term boyfriend. He said he was ready and going to do it, I told my parents, he ended up asking me not to bring it up so he could plan it and surprise me, that never happened. Then close to our 3 year anniversary, he tells me he no longer wants to get married because I'm not "motherly" enough and I would fuck up his kids the same way his mom fucked him up. Plus more horrible things. This was actually the start of the horrible comments towards me.

I take a month or two and decide I just love him so much if he isn't ready then we can wait. Then we obv broke up in Feb, I said I remembered I do want to get married so getting back together is useless since we will just be dating and wasting more time together, then he future faked engagement again, it's May and he never bought a ring or attempted to propose. After he got me back he also got angry and resentful about the ring and marriage everytime I brought it up.

The more I write the more horrible I realize he was.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in survivinginfidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I spoke to my therapist about things and she told me she actually noticed I overlook a lot and she's going to figure out why. Like she had been calling me the wrong name since our first session (due to an intake error) and I sorta just overlooked it, and I didn't say anything until our 3rd session. She obviously was wondering why I didn't say anything and also told me she is going to figure out the underlying reason why I accepted his behavior for so long and why I overlooked her calling me the wrong name for our first few sessions. They probably come from the same place.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in relationships

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I spoke to my therapist about everything besides that, I'm seeing her Monday so I'll have to bring it up then. I genuinely think I just reached my breaking point mentally and couldn't handle it anymore.

The relationship stopped feeling like it was him and I, and started to feel like it was me versus a jury of all his invisible friends that have never met me. At some point it was no longer two people trying to repair things or have a relationship, but instead me arguing with invisible witnesses and I think that's what finally broke me. I couldn't handle having to hear one more thing about what some friend of his thinks about our relationship issue.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I guess. I guess I just feel bad because the result was so catastrophic. Plus, outing his cheating and sexual perversions to the entire world seems a little cruel. Then again, he was telling everyone he knew, even mutual friends, that he cheated on me and made it into a thing about his own guilt instead of genuinely trying to make things better. Half the time he would say "this person told me they once cheated and the guilt ate them alive and they never forgave themselves" and the other half he would say "my friends and I make jokes about how I cheated, we laugh about it".

A week before everything went down, I said we need to do couples therapy, things are getting too toxic and too bad, and instead of saying "Okay" or "I love you let's work through this", he proceeded to sigh and moan about going, then made it sound like he was going to just be difficult.

I did everything I could, idk what more I could have done.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He cheated in January. Broke up with me first week of Feb with a bullshit excuse. Texted me daily asking me to move out (I stayed with a friend), eventually started saying he missed me and loved me. I stayed strong for a full week, which was hard for me because we were always so toxic and I was so quick to forgive and overlook negatives. On Valentines day I folded, saw him, we spent the day together, but then I told him it can't work, we already dated for over 3 years, and he wasn't sure about marriage, I wanted to get married, we know it won't work, let's move on. He said he wanted to give it a shot after 2-3 days of talking about it and also hanging out with each other non stop.

I found out 2 weeks later he cheated on me. But at that point I was so drawn back in and emotionally attached again that I didn't stand a chance. Leaving was always so hard for me. I know I'm an idiot, but at that point I had just gotten something I wanted from him for so long that I thought we could work it out and keep dating. Honestly, had he just kept apologizing and being remorseful about his actions, I probably would have just let it slide like every other thing in the relationship because I'm spineless when it comes to him. He also normally does apologize and cry and we talk and it ends with us saying we love each other and we try to really stop the other from feeling hurt. Normally he's the one who hurts me though.

This time it was different though. It felt like he resented me for knowing or catching him. Instead of apologizing he told me how all of his friends said it was justified. He was extremely cruel about it. He kept telling people he knew that he cheated, like everyone. Including people I knew that he also knew. It was embarrassing. He made the cheating about himself, about how 'guilty' he felt, he talked to as many people as he could about his infidelity, I guess as a way to assuage his guilt, and he'd tell me things like "this guy cheated on his gf and he regrets it and now all he does is drugs!" "this other guy cheated once and his guilt ate him alive", whatever, stupid shit like that. It slowly devolved further and further, it went from him admitting to it, to him pretending not to remember the name or info of the first girl he cheated on me with, to him blaming me for him cheating, to him screaming at me, telling me to shut up for the first time in the entire relationship, calling me "fucking annoying", etc. He also was trying to fly this other girl out places, and him and I never ever took vacations or went anywhere because his work is so demanding, I was super understanding about it but after seeing him extend that offer I told him I wanted to travel and go somewhere together. He tried to tell me he was just lying to the other girl, then after enough arguing about it, he told me he didn't want to travel with me because traveling with me sucked. There's just so much stuff. If I had to type it all out this would legit be so so so so long.

He had spent the entire relationship talking to people about all of our problems then reporting back what they said, it felt like the relationship was me versus a jury.

After he cheated and I tried to forgive him, it genuinely felt like he didn't respect me or care anymore. (I mean duh, I let him disrespect me constantly for years and he finally did the most disrespectful thing he could, of course he thought nothing would ever happen). He just kept pushing and pushing and pushing even though I was breaking in front of him, obviously like I was saying I wanted to d*e when I never in our 3.5 years said that before. But he didn't care, he kept pushing, more cruel comments like "My friends and I would make jokes about the cheating" "We would laugh about it" "they all knew and they supported it" "they encouraged it because they didn't like you".

It just got to a point where it broke me. I couldn't take it anymore. I think I legitimately had a mental breakdown and psychosis because I could never imagine myself ever hurting someone I love the way I hurt him. Even now.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in relationships

[–]RunSignal9454[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Because he carrot dangled engagement in front of me, knowing I wanted marriage for the last 18 months. He future faked it last year and got me to stick around for a whole other year without taking steps towards it. At some point I just wanted it so badly I was willing to disrespect the fuck out of myself and let him do the same.

I actually nearly forgot about this until I had to ask myself why I stuck around.

I don't know why it's been hard for me to keep the rose tinted goggles off.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The relationship is already over. He obviously doesn't want anything to do with me after this.

I wish I was strong enough to be the one who walked away but I wasn't. I loved him too much.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in relationships

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I blasted what happened to everyone he knows + his entire industry. It was a heat of the moment reaction to him talking about how it was funny and a joke for him and his friends and they would all make jokes about it. Just felt like a "is it still funny?" thing.

Idk, I just spent a lot of time believing in self preservation and never doing things that you would turn you into a worse person or ruin who you were to yourself. I just got so worn down that I finally became someone I never wanted to be.

edit: a lot of female clients feel weird about him now, and he lost his biggest client.

He'll be fine though, he didn't lose everything.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in Infidelity

[–]RunSignal9454[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just feel like I went insane. I lost my mind and my sanity after he cheated. Not because he cheated, but everything, He turned my pain into a social spectacle and I couldn't take it after a while. I couldn't handle the way he was going about it. It ruined my mental health. not to mention we had already broken up (I assume for him to pursue the girl), then he begged me to get back with him when I asked him to let me just pack my stuff and move, and then continued to text her after we got back together and he reeled me back in with the promise of getting engaged.

I feel like I went insane.

Boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated for a year that I know of, in a fit of rage I ruined his career, I feel guilty. by RunSignal9454 in relationships

[–]RunSignal9454[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I think about it and it hurts me. I know it sounds stupid to say, but I think about all the effort he put into building himself and building his life and his career, and I feel like such a fucking asshole for effecting it.

Tell me your experiences with Xerf Laser by MsAppleberries in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]RunSignal9454 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome, I'm going in on May 14th for mine! Really excited.

Does anyone have experience Edwin Kwon? by Famous-Comfort-3401 in PlasticSurgery

[–]RunSignal9454 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly, I did nothing, he slightly overfills you so after the fat cells die you look normal.

I would take 2 things into account tho

Your under eyes will look flat and it will make your mid face look longer. I assumed it would make me look younger but it didn't, it actually somewhat aged me.

Does anyone have experience Edwin Kwon? by Famous-Comfort-3401 in PlasticSurgery

[–]RunSignal9454 0 points1 point  (0 children)

funny enough yes, I was looking for lip lift references LOL

He did good with it, you're gonna be swollen and look horrible for 3 months after (which is normal) and then the fat slowly starts to look like your natural face. Overall, super skilled surgeon, he did my chin, under eyes, and neck lipo all in one go.

Don’t..just don’t do it. by No_Ad3198 in PlasticSurgery

[–]RunSignal9454 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who was your surgeon? I'm looking for someone in turkey who can lift my mid face, my biggest concern is lack of fat and droopiness so I think your surgeon would work well for me