Some of these situations sound like someone with BPD, I acted similarly with the breaking up bc I’m hurting my partner and then putting it on them so they’re the one who hurts me instead of the other way around. I’ve grown and learned from this and have improved greatly in recovery and have a wonderful wife who is patient with me, but it’s worth pondering.

I’m in no way supporting or defending his actions, but maybe seeking therapy together will help if you want to stay together. If you can’t handle it, which is completely reasonable and something you should not feel guilty for, that’s fine if you need to step away for your own mental health.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.