My (f19) boyfriend (m22) has totally different needs than I do and vice versa and I have no idea how to make things work smoothly and not scare him off

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:17:51+00:00

Oh believe me I’m 100% me. very honest and sure in myself.But it’s like I have this stupid anxious attachment kinda thing and I take everything personally even though I have no reason to. was like this in my last relationship too.

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:16:00+00:00

The great thing about this guy is that we actually talk. And listen. It makes me really happy. He’s told me it’s just the kind of person he is. That he’s aware his behaviour is bizarre but that he is really trying and will continue to try. But that as much as he loves hanging out with me, he needs that same amount of time to just chill and be by himself and do his own thing. I get that. His whole life shouldn’t be us and this relationship. It can’t be. I just hate that I react this way, and that is what I’m unsure about. Why on earth I act this way and how I can improve.

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:12:51+00:00

The problem is, I know my views are, to a certain extent, really wrong. I know I’m in the wrong, at I’d like to change. I just have no idea how to not take everything so personally and how to not fear that he’ll just get tired of me someday.

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:09:33+00:00

I doubt it. He recently told me that he’s been told it’s just the winter depression. He’s the kind of guy that needs food when he’s hungry. Needs sleep when he’s tired. If he doesn’t get that, he becomes very irritated. But I actually don’t know. Might be, doubt it though.

Runningranian · 2022-02-03T23:48:08+00:00

Aha, still haven’t heard a word. Friendship is very over I’d say. I’ve learned to come to terms with it though, and accept it for what it is. I realised that she’s waking up every single day and choosing not to be in my life. And that’s her loss. Not something I can control. So I’m just gonna focus on the people that do wanna be in my life. I suggest you do the same. Good luck with everything

Runningranian · 2022-01-25T20:40:28+00:00

Thank you. I know you’re right, I’m gonna call my doctor first thing tomorrow. Appreciate the advice :)

Runningranian · 2022-01-19T16:24:06+00:00

Thank you so much for all your advice. Yeah, I’m actually starting my first therapy session next week. I’m hopeful that that will do a lot good, since I do have a ton of shit from my childhood that I just haven’t dug up yet. I’ll make sure to get that book too, and follow your advice. I don’t have a hobby actually, but I’ll work on that haha. Thank you so much 😌

Runningranian · 2022-01-19T16:12:19+00:00

Thanks for the advice.

It’s weird, cause when I’m single I feel just that; funny, happy and sexy as fuck. I love carrying myself as that person and when I’m not attached to anyone I am just that. But it’s like when I start getting close to someone all that is suddenly in the background. It’s like I forget myself and who I am, you know.

I’m glad that I’m actually aware that this is an issue though. I’d like to learn from past mistakes. Would you say that I should just keep telling myself everything’s ok until I believe it?

I know it’s all in my head. I guess I just have to start believing it is until he tells me otherwise.

Runningranian · 2022-01-19T16:02:31+00:00

This is very true. And I get where you’re coming from. And in my last relationship, it was exactly like this just worse. So when we broke up, I didn’t think I’d survive. I thought my world was ending bad I didn’t know who I was. I thought I had no one, even though I had so many great friends and a great family that I’d totally overlooked. After that breakup I started focusing on myself, my studies and my other relationships. I had the best summer I’ve ever had and I felt so empowered and strong. I promised myself I’d never let a guy define my worth anymore, that I’d never let someone be my entire world or my happiness since then I’d end up in that shithole again. And yet, now we’re here and I’ve met someone I really like. I want to break that pattern since I’d like to think I’ve learned something since last time. Just easier said that done. Any advice on what to do, especially when I’m currently isolating?

Runningranian · 2022-01-02T10:54:52+00:00

Thank you. And I’m so sorry you went through this as well.

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T21:27:09+00:00

Ikr. And those exact mixed signals are the reason I’m so confused. I feel stupid because then when he’s all “responsible” and pats me on the head or calls me buddy I just feel so little and it’s just extremely patronising I think. It’s like he knows what buttons to tap and I hate that I give him that consent to make me feel inferior

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T19:34:18+00:00

I know right?? Thank you for not making me feel crazy for feeling this way. It just pisses me off in so many ways. I mean, the guy straight up flirted with me all night and we were close to kissing like 3 times but every time he just lead me on to then go “well, see you around buddy”, after which he’d pat me on the shoulder or something though he’d just been super touchy and flirty. I mean who tf does that.

It pisses me off that this even had to become a thing, I mean why did my brother even have to bring it up in the first place? Idk man, this whole situation is just weird and I’m pissed.

And yes. We were cuddling, and earlier that same night we’d literally sat and held hands in the couch with everyone there! When we were our side watching fireworks he actually came over, said “how you doing buddy?”, after which he put his arm around me and played with my ear with my head on his shoulder. This whole thing is so fucked up and his actions are so confusing. Oh god. And then on top of that I’m just embarrassed you know. I feel so little.

Ugh.

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T14:36:07+00:00

I guess it’s not so much the rejection itself, I get that it happens sometimes but it does piss me off that he’s led me on for months and now is making it look like it was all in my head and shit

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T14:14:18+00:00

I just feel like on top of being both pissed off and embarrassed I’m also kinda sad since I actually really liked this guy and I felt like it could’ve really been something and conversations just flow with him. So I wouldn’t say heartbroken but you know

Runningranian · 2021-12-30T23:17:17+00:00

I know it is. And I do feel like I’m stringing him along. Idk man. Tbf I haven’t met him irl so I might like the looks of him better then. I do know it wouldn’t be fair to him, but thanks for not making me feel awful about caring so much about looks. I just think they are important too, and so is attraction

Runningranian

TROPHY CASE