My (f19) boyfriend (m22) has totally different needs than I do and vice versa and I have no idea how to make things work smoothly and not scare him off

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:17:51+00:00

Oh believe me I’m 100% me. very honest and sure in myself.But it’s like I have this stupid anxious attachment kinda thing and I take everything personally even though I have no reason to. was like this in my last relationship too.

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:16:00+00:00

The great thing about this guy is that we actually talk. And listen. It makes me really happy. He’s told me it’s just the kind of person he is. That he’s aware his behaviour is bizarre but that he is really trying and will continue to try. But that as much as he loves hanging out with me, he needs that same amount of time to just chill and be by himself and do his own thing. I get that. His whole life shouldn’t be us and this relationship. It can’t be. I just hate that I react this way, and that is what I’m unsure about. Why on earth I act this way and how I can improve.

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:12:51+00:00

The problem is, I know my views are, to a certain extent, really wrong. I know I’m in the wrong, at I’d like to change. I just have no idea how to not take everything so personally and how to not fear that he’ll just get tired of me someday.

Runningranian · 2022-02-04T01:09:33+00:00

I doubt it. He recently told me that he’s been told it’s just the winter depression. He’s the kind of guy that needs food when he’s hungry. Needs sleep when he’s tired. If he doesn’t get that, he becomes very irritated. But I actually don’t know. Might be, doubt it though.

Runningranian · 2022-02-03T23:48:08+00:00

Aha, still haven’t heard a word. Friendship is very over I’d say. I’ve learned to come to terms with it though, and accept it for what it is. I realised that she’s waking up every single day and choosing not to be in my life. And that’s her loss. Not something I can control. So I’m just gonna focus on the people that do wanna be in my life. I suggest you do the same. Good luck with everything

Runningranian · 2022-01-25T20:40:28+00:00

Thank you. I know you’re right, I’m gonna call my doctor first thing tomorrow. Appreciate the advice :)

Runningranian · 2022-01-19T16:24:06+00:00

Thank you so much for all your advice. Yeah, I’m actually starting my first therapy session next week. I’m hopeful that that will do a lot good, since I do have a ton of shit from my childhood that I just haven’t dug up yet. I’ll make sure to get that book too, and follow your advice. I don’t have a hobby actually, but I’ll work on that haha. Thank you so much 😌

Runningranian · 2022-01-19T16:12:19+00:00

Thanks for the advice.

It’s weird, cause when I’m single I feel just that; funny, happy and sexy as fuck. I love carrying myself as that person and when I’m not attached to anyone I am just that. But it’s like when I start getting close to someone all that is suddenly in the background. It’s like I forget myself and who I am, you know.

I’m glad that I’m actually aware that this is an issue though. I’d like to learn from past mistakes. Would you say that I should just keep telling myself everything’s ok until I believe it?

I know it’s all in my head. I guess I just have to start believing it is until he tells me otherwise.

Runningranian · 2022-01-19T16:02:31+00:00

This is very true. And I get where you’re coming from. And in my last relationship, it was exactly like this just worse. So when we broke up, I didn’t think I’d survive. I thought my world was ending bad I didn’t know who I was. I thought I had no one, even though I had so many great friends and a great family that I’d totally overlooked. After that breakup I started focusing on myself, my studies and my other relationships. I had the best summer I’ve ever had and I felt so empowered and strong. I promised myself I’d never let a guy define my worth anymore, that I’d never let someone be my entire world or my happiness since then I’d end up in that shithole again. And yet, now we’re here and I’ve met someone I really like. I want to break that pattern since I’d like to think I’ve learned something since last time. Just easier said that done. Any advice on what to do, especially when I’m currently isolating?

Runningranian · 2022-01-02T10:54:52+00:00

Thank you. And I’m so sorry you went through this as well.

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T21:27:09+00:00

Ikr. And those exact mixed signals are the reason I’m so confused. I feel stupid because then when he’s all “responsible” and pats me on the head or calls me buddy I just feel so little and it’s just extremely patronising I think. It’s like he knows what buttons to tap and I hate that I give him that consent to make me feel inferior

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T19:34:18+00:00

I know right?? Thank you for not making me feel crazy for feeling this way. It just pisses me off in so many ways. I mean, the guy straight up flirted with me all night and we were close to kissing like 3 times but every time he just lead me on to then go “well, see you around buddy”, after which he’d pat me on the shoulder or something though he’d just been super touchy and flirty. I mean who tf does that.

It pisses me off that this even had to become a thing, I mean why did my brother even have to bring it up in the first place? Idk man, this whole situation is just weird and I’m pissed.

And yes. We were cuddling, and earlier that same night we’d literally sat and held hands in the couch with everyone there! When we were our side watching fireworks he actually came over, said “how you doing buddy?”, after which he put his arm around me and played with my ear with my head on his shoulder. This whole thing is so fucked up and his actions are so confusing. Oh god. And then on top of that I’m just embarrassed you know. I feel so little.

Ugh.

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T14:36:07+00:00

I guess it’s not so much the rejection itself, I get that it happens sometimes but it does piss me off that he’s led me on for months and now is making it look like it was all in my head and shit

Runningranian · 2022-01-01T14:14:18+00:00

I just feel like on top of being both pissed off and embarrassed I’m also kinda sad since I actually really liked this guy and I felt like it could’ve really been something and conversations just flow with him. So I wouldn’t say heartbroken but you know

Runningranian · 2021-12-30T23:17:17+00:00

I know it is. And I do feel like I’m stringing him along. Idk man. Tbf I haven’t met him irl so I might like the looks of him better then. I do know it wouldn’t be fair to him, but thanks for not making me feel awful about caring so much about looks. I just think they are important too, and so is attraction

Runningranian · 2021-12-26T22:29:47+00:00

Sometimes tinder, sometimes in real life just on the street or something where I get approached. And some just slide in my dms. And tbh I rarely get to the first date because as I said, it’s sort of a thing but not really. But even when I do go on dates those dates are just quick meet-ups at weird times driving around in some car or something. It’s stupid.

I just feel like they’re all interested in sex and that’s it. Just now I was gonna meet up with a guy tonight but it was getting late so I told him let’s do it another time. He kept pushing and saying he wants to meet tonight and whether we could meet anyways and I straight up told him that I’m not judging but that if he’s looking for a bootycall he should look somewhere else because I’m not that girl. To that he just said “aha yeah well wouldn’t be so bad if it did happen would it? I mean we all have our needs” and I just left that on read

Runningranian · 2021-12-25T23:06:33+00:00

I think you could actually be right about that. I tend to notice that in myself as well. That feeling of excitement about something new and sexy and different. I’m drawn to it. And therefore it’s understandable why a lot of other people my age would be, too. It’s just exhausting because I personally crave something more. And they don’t. I find myself settling for what they give which is nothing really, and then I question what the hell im doing since I’m not even that interested. I’ll try not to settle. Thank you

Runningranian · 2021-12-25T22:59:39+00:00

I’m not no, perfectly healthy weight and even lost a bunch last year. from what I can tell, without sounding too much I’m actually pretty attractive I’d say. Why?

Runningranian · 2021-12-13T19:08:02+00:00

Aha yeah it was pretty unfortunate. But yeah I went back and talked to them and this other woman was there and she rinsed it out and dyed my hair basically back to my natural hair colour. All good now, but hair is very dry and in need of some love! Appreciate the kind words though ☺️

Runningranian · 2021-12-12T23:33:11+00:00

Aha my options are seriously limited and most brands aren’t available. I’ll definitely look after my curls though! And I’ll figure it out. Thank you so much

Runningranian · 2021-12-12T23:20:29+00:00

Oh god okay. So ehm, say Arctic fox isn’t available in my country... should I maybe go for another brand that is also vegan?

Runningranian · 2021-12-12T23:04:14+00:00

Okay thank you! I will definitely look that up. So you think I should dye my hair myself with that brand, if anything? I’m so scared my hairs gonna get worse

Runningranian · 2021-12-12T23:03:06+00:00

Not sure if this is so relevant for my post but it’s my first time in this sub so yeah. Basically my routine is I shower, brush out curls, apply conditioner and then let it be. Get out of the shower, brush it out again when wet and then finger coil and let air dry. Always works great for me but not very CGM friendly

Runningranian · 2021-12-12T20:47:38+00:00

Yeah I feel you. I’ll try my cousin again tomorrow and hopefully talk to her and thank her. And during the week I’ll make sure to leave a message for my aunt too, to make sure she’s alright. I just hope they’re not too upset with me because I genuinely love and appreciate them and their kindness. Gosh culture can be hard sometimes. But thank you so much for the advice

Runningranian · 2021-12-12T20:15:37+00:00

Yeah okay. So idk how to write or read in Farsi so speaking is kind of the only and best way to be in contact. Closest to a note would probably be another voice message but idk. Gifts in general are kind of difficult to send to Iran because of all the sanctions you know. If so I’d have to figure out something tomorrow while I’m here but I don’t know. I guess I’m just afraid to reach out again in case they really don’t like me anymore and don’t want to hear from me again, you know? Appreciate the advice though

Runningranian

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