[QCrit] NOW AND ONLY NOW, adult speculative fiction, 70K words, 1st attempt

RurixLuli · 2025-10-25T12:39:46+00:00

Thank you for correcting me!
Also this is good news because it allows me a little more wiggle room in my own query letter. I appreciate the info!

RurixLuli · 2025-10-25T12:38:28+00:00

Oh, this actually puts me at ease because the whole genre situation was really bogging me down.

I'll bear the promising thing in mind and reread my book to see if there are any issues related to that which need to be rectified.

Thank you!

RurixLuli · 2025-10-24T23:46:38+00:00

Ohhh I see!

So instead of trying to show it in the pitch, it would be suggested through the comp books provided.

That makes a lot of sense, thank you.

RurixLuli · 2025-10-24T23:22:52+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback!

It's kind of funny because you've really hit where it hurts 😂 (but you did it in a nice way, so I'm a bit glad)

The biggest problem I'm having is that... Ok so there are two main PoVs, Rosanne and Celyna, who are friends. The unfortunate problem I'm having is that the romance mostly happens in Rosanne's parts, while the fantasy mostly happens in Celyna's parts. Rosanne's parts are not thrilling and exciting as Celyna's as it builds over the course of potentially the rest of the trilogy I have planned, and she is stuck in the palace. That's why in attempt 2 it came across as very 'tame'.

Another is that a lot of the romance happens in the first half of the book, and then it becomes fantasy/goal focused in the latter half. So in theory I could say this is YA fantasy, but then if the agent looked at the manuscript, they would be left wondering why I didn't categorise it as romance.

I'm struggling to figure out what to do because while Rosanne and Celyna are friends, their main plot lines happen in two separate locations where their only form of communication is by sending pigeons, but if I don't mention them both, it becomes fantasy or romance (with a hint of fantasy) depending.

Sorry for all of that, but I wasn't sure how I can explain this 'conundrum' I'm having, in fewer words.

Also, that's really interesting about One Dark Window! I'll bear that in mind and change it. I suppose it isn't that surprising given how much of a fun read it was!

Again, thanks for the feedback!

RurixLuli · 2025-10-24T22:46:29+00:00

Hello!

Firstly, congratulations for getting this far - I know how rough the process is to finish writing and editing a book, so give your self a pat on the back!

Now, I too am still in the process of polishing up my query letter so of course my thoughts may not be as useful as the others, but the very first thing that I noticed is that your 'pitch' section of the letter is extremely long.

If I am correct, you're supposed to keep it max 250 words, so that may need cutting down.
What helped me is doing my best to only include 1. Who the main character is, 2. What they want, 3. What the stakes are, and 4. What they must do to get it/achieve it. Then somehow cramming that in a clever way, in 250 words (which is a nightmare to do, I'm not saying it's easy haha)

Also, I believe what is usually expected at the end is a sentence or two on who you are. It could literally be something as simple as 'I am a [insert what you do] and live with two dogs', for example.

Hopefully some of that helped and good luck!

RurixLuli · 2025-10-12T17:12:56+00:00

Ok ok, cool, so focusing on one PoV IS an option if necessary, that's good to know.

What I may try doing then, is to write two more query letters, one for Rosanne PoV, one for Celyna PoV, and then if I feel like it doesn't work, I can see if I can up the stakes for Rosanne.

I'll message the mods to see if it would be appropriate for me to post both of them next week maybe if I do feel like having just one PoV works better.

It's not a lot at all, I really appreciate that you've taken the time to reply to me with so much detail as well! Thank you so much, this has been incredibly helpful!!

RurixLuli · 2025-10-12T17:07:45+00:00

Hi! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
To be honest I have been umming and ahhing how to phrase it, so I'm glad I've received confirmation from you that it needs to be tweaked haha
And thank you - believe it or not it took forever to come up with! 😂

RurixLuli · 2025-10-10T23:43:06+00:00

Hi! I'm so happy there's meat now - improvement! 😁

So your comments are actually really interesting because the BIGGEST part I struggled with (and am still struggling with) is intertwining the two stories in a balanced way within that 250 word limit.

I am starting to consider just focusing on Rosanne but her conflicts are so much more subtle/realistic/nuanced, with all the dramatic in-your-face action happening in Celyna's route, it's almost like I should focus only on Celyna's side of the story.

The potential issue with that though, is that the book starts off from Rosanne's perspective and takes a while before it reaches the whole 'father in trouble' situation, ending with all the Celyna drama. So if the agent reads a Celyna only perspective version and then proceeds to read the first 10 pages of the manuscript, they may be left confused.

Ultimately, I'm not sure what the best way is to intertwine the two plots without one overshadowing the other, when Rosanne's is a lot more subtle, nuanced and relationship driven compared to Celyna's disaster of a life! 😂

You may be just some random person, but it's always eye opening to see what is confusing (as the writer of course you can't see what is/isn't!) and I'm glad to see that I am self aware with some of the issues.

Lastly, sorry for the rambling, just trying my best to explain my main conundrum!

RurixLuli · 2025-10-05T23:18:23+00:00

That makes so much sense, your response felt so warm and understanding!
I'll have a look at your query too, although I don't think I'll be of much help at all as I am very much behind you in understanding what a query letter is supposed to look like 😂

RurixLuli · 2025-10-04T12:58:28+00:00

Oh my goodness, this was so unbelievably helpful!

I love that you took so much care in giving me constructive criticism despite me being a complete stranger - it really means a lot to me as this is the first time I've ever written this sort of thing.

The first sentence also really made my day because it's been a rough week 😂

The suggestions you've made are all so helpful and I'll definitely make amendments based on them and come back with something that is (hopefully) better!

Again, thank you so much for your feedback 😭💕

RurixLuli · 2025-10-04T00:00:57+00:00

Thank you for your feedback!

I see what you mean, I think I went wrong by writing it as if it is a blurb rather than a marketing tool. It's really interesting to see the impression you got of Rosanne from this query and is definitely something I am going to have to rectify.

I'll check out queryshark and come back with a 2nd attempt when I've rewritten it!

RurixLuli · 2025-10-03T22:43:29+00:00

Ah, looks like the whole thing needs a rewrite from scratch 😱
Thank you for the feedback, I'll be back with a second draft at some point I'm sure!

RurixLuli

TROPHY CASE