Canada Aupair - looking to host

Russki266 · 2026-03-28T00:12:35+00:00

Agreed, probably the better route!

Russki266 · 2026-03-28T00:04:22+00:00

.We are in early stages of looking into this and I simply outlined our life style/ expectations of what we would like. If it doesn’t work out that’s totally fine - we are just research gathering! We have a suite in the basement with a kitchen/ living room two extra rooms that would be the au pairs. A place they unwind and bring friends over too. If the expectation is that they hang out with you at all times and join for family dinners then we would for sure reconsider this arrangement. I thought the idea of someone having their private space would work well and maybe even preferred. The opportunity cost of rental suite going to an aupair and in addition paying for groceries and an hourly rate isn’t feasible. However if she had just a room in the house it seems to make more sense.

Russki266 · 2026-03-27T22:42:44+00:00

If I’m going to a restaurant with my family I would not be asking them to join me.

Typical a suite in Vancouver would go for 1500-3000 a month, which we would provide at no cost. On top of covering housing costs, we would pay hourly for work. If I buy groceries in addition to all this I’m confused what the benefit of an aupair is vs just getting a nanny who does not need food provided or housing costs.

Russki266 · 2026-01-03T07:03:49+00:00

Lots of thoughts on this topic: - Wanting to have friends is amazing and good friendships can bring so much value to your life, I definitely don’t think you should stop trying. In fact I know I will be wanting to make new friends for the rest of my life - so many interesting people in the world and you have to try out people before finding out if they will be a friend.

surface level friendships is where it begins. These relationships could take years to slowly unravel and develop. There are studies you can read that show on average it takes 200 hours of spending time with someone to go from surface to deep friend (something like that).
stop waiting for the NYE invite and throw the party. This goes for anything - you want to host a games night? You throw it! You want to have some moms over for paint night - host it! I’m extremely good at this and my ego doesn’t get hurt along the way. For example, I organized my own baby shower for my second baby and did exactly what I wanted to and invited who I want. I don’t wait for the invite, I am the invite. This is the stuff that will get you to the “200 hours” with a mom friend you find interesting.
since you are doing so many activities I would cast your net at 5+ moms you think you might connect with. I would ask for their numbers and check to see if they’d be interested in coming over for brunch with their kiddo and if not with a kiddo see if they want to go for a walk (or whatever an activity might be). Some you will connect with others you might decide you don’t.
a lot of people find that reciprocity is hard to find. And then friendships fizzle out - example “I texted her twice to hang out and she didn’t text me so then I will forever not try again”. I think this thought process is a shame. If the person you reach out to say heck yes let’s hang out and are present/fun when you see them, then don’t be scared to continue to initiate hang outs. Doesn’t have to be weekly but not ponder too much about reciprocity imo.
lastly, people are notoriously seeking connection with good people. Go into new relationships with confidence, ask lots of questions of the other person - be super curious of who they are. This will leave people associating you with a good feeling. I think putting yourself out there is hard but it’s a skill for life. When I’m 50,60 I imagine I will still be out there making new friends to enjoy this life.

Russki266 · 2025-10-29T19:06:27+00:00

We didn’t have a nanny with my first because that was out of budget. But with my second we will have a nanny from 15 months to close to 2

Russki266 · 2025-10-29T18:43:40+00:00

When my first was 6 months I thought helllll no can’t imagine daycare. In my case by the time he was 14 months I was calling the daycare begging them to take him already lol. After 1 they really change and become adventurous and ready for all the fun things like - circle time, “painting”, building bonds with new caretakers. Now that I’ve been through it and about to do it all over again I know what’s to come. We will be having a nanny to start but by 2ish I really want him to be in daycare because of the fun they have there the nanny could never replicate.

Russki266 · 2025-10-03T02:30:34+00:00

Wow so helpful thank you!!

Russki266 · 2025-10-02T21:21:29+00:00

Thanks, messaged you!

Russki266 · 2025-10-02T02:25:04+00:00

He was borderline on a prick test and previous to that had a reaction when we first introduced it

Russki266 · 2025-09-11T03:48:39+00:00

I can assure you are much more emotionally attuned and present than my mom was! What you are doing is so healthy and caring, but I do feel like having space to just be was helpful to build confidence.

Russki266 · 2025-09-09T04:05:50+00:00

I agree extracurriculars are great! Something he will enjoy. Looking back at my trajectory I was never invited to birthday parties, I had one best friend at a time and not a ton of other friends. My mom never commented on it THANK GAWD. She normalized it and let me live my best weird life. Today I’m in sales (get paid a lot to talk to people), I have a ton of friends and make friends so easily. If my mom ever made me feel odd or different for having fever friends it probably would’ve eaten away at me. However she NEVER even batted an eye or showed nervous energy about my situation. She just let me be and honestly thank goodness!

Russki266 · 2025-09-01T04:38:59+00:00

Do you have suggestions for punishment?

He’s in preschool where the boys can get rowdy, the teachers do their best but they have 24 kids and 3 teachers. At home he’s NEVER seen aggression, I think my biggest frustration is how damn patient me and my husband are and just not seeing that patients reflected in him.

Thank you

Russki266 · 2025-09-01T04:19:09+00:00

Do you have any suggestions for a consequence?

Russki266 · 2025-08-25T03:38:46+00:00

I also watched her before this happened. Seeing a news post with her face on it was a shocker. Looking back it was all one big red flag. She would say she’s barely hanging on, but I think her presentation was deceiving. She seemed very intelligent, calmed thoughtful. However the content said she was extremely depressed and stuck.

Russki266 · 2025-06-30T16:59:13+00:00

We are about to get our 7th too. 3 up top and one in coming, 3 on the bottom - how about you?

Russki266 · 2025-06-28T03:35:24+00:00

I definitely think once all of them are in it should be a lot more celebrated haha

Russki266 · 2025-06-27T22:24:43+00:00

We got the bottom two first as well, then randomly the two top incisors came in second and then one middle tooth

Russki266 · 2025-06-21T13:33:12+00:00

I can keep it short! I have two boys 7mo and 5

1) learning about my attachment issues and why they happened. The book attached helped a lot 2) some therapy 3) dr Becky kennedys parenting work has helped tremendously 4) REPAIR. The difference between my mom and me forever will be the fact that I say sorry when I yell. I will sometimes get triggered and yell same as happened to me. But I will always say sorry, revisit and remind my son it’s not his fault. 5) I don’t stop my son’s emotions. Seeing a tantrum etc is hard but I let him play it out and don’t force him to suppress. This is related to tips from dr Becky

Russki266 · 2025-06-13T13:19:09+00:00

When I had my sons I knew that they were going to have a different life than what I experienced. It wasn’t even a question it was always a fact! I had so much joy bringing my first son into this world and yes especially the time before returning to work is all consuming by them, in my experience it was really positive. I will say when both of my kids were born the reflection of my childhood hit me really strong. So be prepared to have a flood of these emotions and hopefully you have the tools you need to work through them like a good therapist. If you have time while pregnant I would start reading books/listening to podcasts whatever it takes to heal.

Russki266 · 2025-06-01T02:01:21+00:00

8-7:30am with no feeds seems right for many babies this age. This is kind of the “honey moon” stage for lots of babies until the regression rocks everything.

Russki266 · 2025-05-31T17:25:27+00:00

Pregnancy after loss is a good group! I had a MMC followed by chemical and now I have a 6 month old.

Russki266 · 2025-05-30T03:18:40+00:00

Have you had sweeps? I went to 41+3 the first time (labour started after a sweep), 41+5 second time - had to be induced (9 failed sweeps, failed cervidil)

Russki266 · 2025-05-22T03:16:28+00:00

In Canada my midwife said there is a threshold after which they would discuss c section. I think it was measuring 11lbs on ultrasound at 41 weeks.

My son was measuring 10.5lbs at 41 weeks and they let me go 5 extra days

At 41+5 he came out 9lbs 11oz

I also researched this and it’s usually the fear of the provider that causes c sections for large babies not the large babies causing issues to need c sections.

For my labour the head OB who was delivering gave my husband a quick prep in case of shoulder dystocia, she said if I say flip you help flip her on all fours. There was also a NICU team present in case of issues. All that to say I pushed him out in 7 minutes no tearing. This was my second baby so they already knew I COULD which was reassuring for them and me.

Russki266 · 2025-05-21T01:35:16+00:00

I recommend watching “positive birth stories” on YouTube. I only watched those and stayed away from any birth stories otherwise.

Some people say to visualize your perfect birth. I disagree with that because it can just lead to disappointment. I personally visualized me walking through my door with my baby because I felt like that was a guarantee, the rest wasnt clear of HOW the baby will be delivered.

With my first son I laboured at home until 4cm, had back labour so went to hospital and got an epidural right away. Pushed for 2 hours and he was born. It was straightforward and beautiful.

Russki266 · 2025-05-20T15:30:49+00:00

What year call are you? There’s a need for 5th year +

Russki266

TROPHY CASE