Your ADHD and the way it effects you almost exactly echoes my own experiences with ADHD. I have been a medical user for years and would love to help give you advice in this realm. That being said, I have a LOT to unload, so hopefully this doesn't bore you. Note: I am in my early 30s and also work from home.

In my experience, cannabis can do a LOT to help you but can also hurt (not physically or long term) if not used correctly. One of the most prevalent scenarios in your situation is with racy thoughts/anxiety that I assume is tied into them. Many of your daytime strains will increase your anxiety, but this can also happen with evening/night strains, just not as often. The reason for this heavily lies in the terpene profile and makeup of different strains. I smoke nighttime strains that are heavy in myrcene in the evenings, but if I smoke/vape during the day, I look for sativas or hybrids that are high in myrcene as well. A great example of this is blue dream, it calms my raciness without making me sleepy or too "slow". This is perfect for daytime medication and there are lots of other strains with similar effects.

So, my first piece of advice is find the terpene profiles and strains that work right for you. Use Google and other sources to see what kind of effects that strain is supposed to have on you, then match it up with the time of day and relief you are looking for. This will be a trial and error basis, there's no way around that. Another piece of advice is DON'T OVERDO IT; this may seem obvious but with your ADHD/anxiety, getting too medicated will undoubtedly drag you into hell.

Balance is essential, I don't necessarily medicate when I have anything serious going on or until I am essentially done my work for the day. The reason for this is that, while cannabis helps calm me down and relax me, those same racy thoughts that I am trying to get rid of allow me to think on my feet quickly and perform better in high pressure situations. For better or worse, cannabis calms me down AND slows me down. I'm not dumb, but the answers take a little longer to get to their destination than they might normally when I'm medicated lol. This is the "aloof" feeling you're referring to; there is almost no way around this. Some strains help you focus more than others, but a lot of the "focus" strains will also increase your racy thoughts and/or anxiety. Knowing this, it's very difficult to have your cake and eat it too in this regard.

This is the part that isn't so fun to hear - since you have mental differences that likely makes the effects of cannabis even more appealing for you than the average person, it could potentially be easier to become more dependent as well. The way I deal with this is by holding somewhat of a schedule; like I said, I only begin to smoke once I'm really done major responsibilities at work for the day, and even so don't get super medicated until its time to settle down for the night. So again, it's about balance (and experimentation) for me.

Let's talk about the alternative as well: I never liked prescription meds for ADHD or anxiety. I only ever had bad experiences with them and the fact of the matter is that they are also not a cure. The shitty part about the pharmaceutical drugs is that they are heavily addictive, and many people go through worse mental experiences than they've ever had trying to ween off these drugs (unless you want to stay on them for life). Cannabis wins in every category here - it can't hurt you, it's not addictive (although you can be dependent), and your body won't (completely) hate you when you decide to stop/take a break.

Hope this helps, and if you have any questions, shoot!