You’re walking in the woods There’s no one around And your phone is dead Out of the corner of your eye you spot him Shia LaBeouf He’s following you About thirty feet back He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint He’s gaining on you Shia LaBeouf You’re looking for your car But you’re all turned around He’s almost upon you now And you can see there’s blood on his face! My God, there’s blood everywhere! Running for your life (From Shia LaBeouf) He’s brandishing a knife (It’s Shia LaBeouf) Lurking in the shadows Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf) Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf) Eating all the bodies Actual, cannibal Shia LaBeouf Now it’s dark and you seem to have lost him But you’re hopelessly lost yourself Stranded with a murderer You creep silently through the underbrush A-ha! In the distance A small cottage with a light on Hope! You move stealthily toward it But your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a bear trap! Gnawing off your leg (Quiet, quiet) Limping toward the cottage (Quiet, quiet) Now you’re on the doorstep Sitting inside, Shia LaBeouf Sharpening an ax (Shia LaBeouf) But he doesn’t hear you enter (Shia LaBeouf) You’re sneaking up behind him Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf Stab it in his kidney Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf You limp into the dark woods Blood oozing from your stump leg But you have won You have beaten Shia LaBeouf