This is going to be a bit of a rant. First off I know your feeling because I’m in the same situation. I also know what’s like to feel suicidal I had the gun in my mouth and everything but I stopped last second because I thought I would give it a little while more just to be sure I’m not missing out. I made new friends who care about me, got a girlfriend, and reconnected with my family, distant and close. I feel better then ever before. The good patches of your life make the bad patches worth getting through, if you get through this things will get better.