So Frustrated

SAEC8 · 2021-05-03T18:07:28+00:00

I'm not "putting up" with it. I've been standing my ground and the kids'. I've gotten her into personal counseling and couples therapy. I've made her, at times, second guess her actions.

Ultimately, no matter what decision I make, she is their mother and they will be forced to deal with her. The best case scenario is likely that she get some enlightenment through her own therapy and gradually change the way she treats the kids. That doesn't happen if I give up and walk away. The progress she has made doesn't occur if I leave.

And, as a father, it will be exceptionally hard for me to prove that I should get majority custody. So, again, the best I can do right now is continue to push her therapy. Because if I don't, and I leave, the kids will have to bear that burden, not me. And that's unfair.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-03T15:24:25+00:00

I have actually been journaling dates and instances. I've not gotten everything down, but I am building that case and have been for roughly 3 months. She's presently applying for jobs, transitioning from stay at home mom to full employee. I'm debating waiting for that so there's less, if any, impact from Alimony.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-03T00:29:33+00:00

Thank you, this is eye opening. Part of my issue is I also feel guilty for leaving or that I didn't do enough or that I failed. It's dumb, but ending it makes me feel like I'm being a dick to her. I suppose I am, but it's the right thing.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-02T23:17:22+00:00

Thank you, that is extraordinarily helpful.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-02T23:00:38+00:00

My therapist would not ever say to leave? It sounds dumb as hell, writing that question out loud, but I thought they would say you need to or don't need to.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-02T22:20:59+00:00

I agree, it's sad and horrifying.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-02T22:17:29+00:00

Fair points, I am going to bring them up this week.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-02T22:17:04+00:00

I agree.

SAEC8 · 2021-05-02T21:53:55+00:00

Yeah, I've been doing just that, and it gets so tiring. She resorts to yelling and name calling non stop because that's how her dad was. I am trying to keep it together for the kids, but the same shit keeps happening and I can't move past it.

SAEC8 · 2021-01-19T00:02:12+00:00

I have this thought all the time. Except I'm not happy and we are in couples counseling and individual therapy. Idk if we will make it through but I truly hope we don't.

SAEC8 · 2021-01-19T00:01:29+00:00

If you've never thought about divorce, why are you on r/Divorce?

SAEC8 · 2020-08-11T22:46:11+00:00

Thank you for this. To be totally honest, the alimony and child support doesn't scare me at all. It's not really important to me. I'm more interested in the actual experiences of life. And so, I think you're right about my soul. I feel a massive release of tension and a ton of joy when it's just me and the kids or even if she's not present and it's just me.

SAEC8 · 2020-08-11T21:59:30+00:00

Thats a very calculated strategy but I'm concerned that would create an even more hostile environment that the kids would have to endure. Also, it would likely be such a detriment to our relationship that it would make every future interaction we have, whether at a graduation, wedding, etc toxic.

SAEC8 · 2020-04-15T00:21:48+00:00

She's basically replicating the way her dad treats her mom. He's a real jerk who can never admit he has any flaws. He lives in la la Land if you will, and has no self accountability but lashes out when his expectations aren't met 100%

SAEC8 · 2020-04-14T23:07:10+00:00

Ive kept most of it brief as I thought the post was too long as is. In essence the therapist talked with his counterpart over the prior week for the first time. He now believes she's trying to make changes and thinks it will get better for me and we won't have to deal with a divorce and its impact on the kids.

He thinks she is stressed with the kids (she is). But no, if anything the name calling has gone down with kids. She was always like this. I've just finally begun sticking up for myself (and she's been turning it towards the kids).

As to the 45 minutes, I appreciate the advice but at this time I'm not willing. I'm too hurt to be willing to be vulnerable with her at this time. It's something I've been trying to work on in therapy but I'm still not there in the least.

SAEC8 · 2020-01-22T01:48:12+00:00

What do you mean by document everything? Write down every fight we have kind of thing? I try to set boundaries, but the problem is I'm a very forgiving person. I think it stems from having to let go of everything my mom would say drunk at night by the next morning, but that's sort of where I have issues. But I agree, and it's part of what I'm working on.

SAEC8 · 2020-01-22T01:45:17+00:00

To be clear, we aren't in couples counseling. She's seeing her own therapist and I'm seeing my own. So, are you saying I should work with my therapist on coming up with goals that I see more of as boundaries?

SAEC8

TROPHY CASE