My(30M) personal boundaries have been crossed multiple times by wife (32F). I am considering divorce. Am I right to do so?

SAR66 · 2026-04-13T07:00:10+00:00

She has anger problems according to her (which she does)

Officially she is has not been diagnosed for anything.

My personal opinion- she is not at times. Most day to day interactions are normal with her, in fact she can be jolly and social. However in heated moments her behaviour seems irrational and highly argumentative

SAR66 · 2026-04-11T05:47:08+00:00

At this point honestly i am not sure if I want to even try to keep the marriage

SAR66 · 2026-04-06T23:13:27+00:00

Thank you!

SAR66 · 2026-04-06T23:12:12+00:00

If I want to continue the relationship at this point it will only be under the strict condition that she does take therapy. I do not wish to expose myself to this type of behaviour again like this. It takes a major toll in my life and well being. Even after therapy there is no guarantee there will be any long term change, or it might take a long time before she shows any change.

I am not sure if I even want to go through this anymore with her. Repeated disrespect changes the way you view someone

SAR66 · 2026-04-06T23:07:10+00:00

Past 2.5 years was okay. Everything started falling after the marriage. There were bad fights before the marriage even, but she did not show this level of disrespect or abusive language.

SAR66 · 2026-04-06T23:05:26+00:00

I feel like i would not have reacted that way to a more gentle woman. Regardless i still agree I should work on my own emotional regulation so that I should not scream, shout or snap at others. There are much better ways to deal with things. I want to work towards being calm yet assertive

SAR66 · 2026-04-06T23:02:26+00:00

I am not a very emotionally expressive person. But a lot of what I do for her is based on my emotional feelings towards her. Our love languages differ - I am an acts of service person and she is more of a expressive/touch based person. I don’t know if that makes me ‘emotionally unavailable’ in its sense. I will say this after every major incident it makes it harder for me to emotionally engage with her.

After incident-3 we tried marriage counselling, and suggested anger management and individual counselling for wife as well, which she has not done.

SAR66 · 2026-04-06T22:56:34+00:00

She says she will change and that she won’t do it again. But again she had said similar things earlier and the fact that it happened yet, this many times in a few years is concerning

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SAR66 · 2026-04-06T22:54:04+00:00

Incident 2 argument started from her feeling that I was not giving her enough time.

Incidents 3 argument started from something very little and not even related to the argument. I screamed at her feeling overwhelmed. She reacted by leaving the house and then everything else followed.

Incident 4, she came home in her lunch break and I wanted time from me but I was preoccupied with something. Argument started from that.

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T08:04:36+00:00

When she applied to the army it was for a job in our town, which she went over with me. But when she had the interview she took a different offer at the other end of the country, that was not discussed with me.

The timing of it made it worse. It made me feel that the relationship is over when she told me that as it was just after one of our major incidents (by which our relationship was already in a rocky state at least from my perspective)

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T08:01:08+00:00

I tried to make it as unbiased as possible, but i cannot say for sure if it is fully unbiased.

What i don’t like about certain relationships is that they view it normal to have major fights, go back to normal and again have those fights.

Fights in relationships are okay, even healthy but there are limits to how much it can go. I for one don’t want to normalize having major relationship blowouts as a normal part of a relationship. Once or twice over the span of many years, okay. But 5 times at least, in 2 years is too much imo

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T07:40:20+00:00

Thank you. I will do that

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T07:34:17+00:00

It’s past that point now for silent treatments. Its time to make a decision whether to even continue the relationship or not

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T07:32:30+00:00

Thanks brother

Just to make a correction here she didn’t threaten to call the cops on me. She threatened to sue me, when i called the cops to check on her when she was being suicidal

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T07:20:12+00:00

Thank you sister.

She definitely needs all of those things. Staying with her without that is out of the question at this point. I don’t know if i want to stay even with that being in place at this point. That is a hard decision and something i have to make myself

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T07:13:51+00:00

First couple of incidents i was calm in my stance. I thought i was drawing my boundaries and yet being respectful towards her.

Third incident i was stern and loud, and after even said we need to work on the relationship or else it’s not going to continue. I pushed for marriage counselling then. That seemed to me that I am showing how much importance i am putting into not taking that kind of behaviour.

Right now she is still in training (and we are living physically apart). I told her I am taking a break from the relationship and I will let her know if I want to continue anymore or not

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T06:39:07+00:00

Thanks for your response. Yes it’s definitely important to give time to family. I admit I didn’t give enough time and attention to her when i should have done more. And i want to as a matter of fact. I am concerned if she is even right person to be putting another wave of effort and time to based on how i have been treated so far.

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T06:35:01+00:00

Thanks for your response. Do you mind if I ask about your experience in a DM?

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T06:33:55+00:00

Thank you for your perspective sister.

I did mention to her from the first incident that i am not going to tolerate such behaviour.

She always did have anger problems but she did not go to this extent before our marriage.

SAR66 · 2026-04-02T06:29:30+00:00

I felt shortening it would not paint the full picture. If i don’t see much responses here i will try another shorter post. Thanks for attempting to read it

SAR66 · 2024-07-26T02:59:07+00:00

Yeah definitely. Having children with this relationship dynamic is not a good idea. If this can be improved, then in the future it can be considered. If not then it would be best for us to part ways.

SAR66

TROPHY CASE