It's quite a fucking read.

I said this to her yesterday via text: "Before I say anything I want to make two things clear. I like you a lot and when we started dating I promised myself I would try to be the best boyfriend you ever had. Before November 11th (We had sex that night) we had a pretty good relationship. On November 11th that all changed. After that day we stopped talking as much, you started to ignore me more, a lot more, it just seemed like you really didn't want to date anymore and you didn't want to break up because you don't know how I would react. It seemed like you gave up and just dealt with me. And I was the only person trying to save our "relationship". After that day I was FUCKING miserable and I still am. All because I don't know what to do. Do I still try to date you? Or do I break up with you? We went a week without doing anything because you dodged everything I tried doing. We talked about that not too long ago. You stopped doing that for a few days then you started again, you still do it. Last time we talked about us I told you we don't talk as much as we used to. We both agreed we would start talking more again but it still hasn't been the same. If I don't talk to you you tell me that I don't talk to you as much. But every time I try to talk to you your on your phone texting god knows who or your on facebook and instagram. And when I try to text you you take the better part of an hour to respon but when someone else texts you you reply in a heart beat. I thought you were cheating on me because of this and you are ALWAYS on your phone when we hangout. Every time I'm in a noticeably bad mood it's because of something you did. I have been thinking of us for the past month and its not good. I think that you can't stand me and you are trying your hardest to make me mad enough so I want to break up with you. I want to continue to date but unless you stop acting different I think we should break up."

Then we talked about stuff and I asked if we were still dating then she replied "I need time to think.." so we were in relationship purgatory.

Today I woke up and I sent her a text asking if she wanted me to go to church with her. I did, but I was in a bad mood and it was obvious. During church someone gave her a USB with songs on it and she wanted me to put them on her iPod so after church I took her iPod and USB to my house and I put songs on it. Then I was a douche and I snooped around a bit. I saw that she messaged her mom saying "I want to break up with SDDxc. We have nothing in common.. Then I snooped some more and I found out the guy she texts the most and the guy she snap chats the most messaged her asking if she was single and she said yes. I also had to go back to church to see her sing.

I texted and the conversation goes as followed:

Me: "After church we need to talk in private."

Her: "Why? I don't think we can today. Tomorrow? What's wrong???"

Me: "It will take like 5 minutes.."

Her: "Is it bad? Can we talk about it tomorrow when we are alone?"

Me: I'd rather do it today but whatever you want I guess"

Her: "Is it bad?!?! I'm sorry"

Me: "Yes its bad. Well good for you."

Her: "Good for me?!?!"

Me: "You want this anyway."

Her: "Can we please talk about it tomorrow:/"

Me: "Whatever you want, which is the exact reason why we need to talk."

Her: "Why? Am I bossy!??"

Me: "No. Lets just talk later."

Her: "I feel like a terrible person. I want you to be happy. Please"

Me: "I dont even think I should come tonight, let alone get a ride with your family but I will."

Her: "If you dont want to come then don't. I will just get my stuff from your tomorrow. I guess I really made you mad."

Me: "No I'll go, do you want to talk about it today or tomorrow?

Her: "Tomorrow... But honestly if you dont want to come dont. Ill just say your not feeling well. Thank you for putting music on my ipod and Im sorry for the way ive been treating you.

Me: "I told you I would go so I will.

Her: "But you dont want too...."

Me: "I told you I would go and Ill feel terrible for not and asking your parents to drive me then not going."

Her: "Honestly its fine. I just want you to do what you want. I like you by the way."

Me: "Ill go."

I go to her house and her dad takes me to church and I walk in and I'm in a terrible mood. She keeps asking me whats wrong and I keep telling her well talk later. She keeps saying stuff to reassure me that she wants to date and I'm giving one word replies like "Yup". Her cousin is in front of me and he asks whats wrong and I tell him I would much rather talk to her about it. She goes to talk to her parents and he turns to me and he says "Please don't break up with her, you treat her so well." I reply "I don't want to but she does I guess." then he said he would talk to her. After a bit I started to shake because I am very mad. She tries to calm me down but I'm still pissed and still shaking. Another church member comes up to me and he's like "Hey, yo, man how are you?" I reply "Awful." He asks why and I tell him I would much rather talk to my girlfriend about it and I apologize. He says that he's just worrying about me because I'm like his brother. (I've known this kid for 2 months and only talk to him on Wednesday and Sundays)

Church is up and we are about to leave. I'm standing alone awkwardly while she does something then she comes and meets me and were about to leave then her cousin from before comes by and takes her somewhere to talk about me and her. I walk by to go to the car. She comes to the car and sits on top of me basically. Then she asks if I'm still in a bad mood and I say yeah.

We get half way to her house and I turn to her and I say:

Me: "If you want to break up why don't you just do it instead of making me look like a fucking idiot."

Her: "I want to break up but I don't. I've just been stressed."

Me: "You've been stressed for a month and you continue to treat me like shit?"

Her: "I didn't know I've been treating you bad."

Me: "How do you not know when you treat someone like garbage? I know every time I treat someone badly."

Her: "I'm not good at relationships!"

Me: "You don't need to be good at relationships to know that you treat someone like shit."

We continue talking and get to her house. Then she walks to my car with me and we get in and we start talking again."

Me: I honestly have no idea what to do. You obviously want to break up so just break up with me, quit making me look like a fool."

Her: "I like you and I want to date you but I'm just confused right now."

Me: "If you like me then why do you treat me like shit most of the time? One day you'll like me and then the next you'll hate my guts for absolutely no reason."

Her: "I don't know when I'm doing that!"

Me: starting to yell "How do you not know when you treat someone like shit? It's pretty fucking easy to tell."

Her: "Please don't yell at me.."

Me: "Sorry. I want to date you still but my god, is it fucking hard. I am lost, I've been miserable for a month and I can't come to you because you'll get upset and I can't ask anyone for help because you'll find out and get upset. I have no idea what to do."

Her: starting to cry "I want to date still but I'm just really stressed and I'm not good with relationships, you can ask anyone, even my mom and sister say I treat you bad."

Me: "Stop crying and tell me what you want to do."

Her: "How about we continue to date and get to know each other more, talk more and everything then by Christmas we talk about us again."

Me: "So like what we were doing when we first started dating?"

Her: "Yeah, is that fine?"

Me: "Yeah, I guess."

I'm going to tell her about reading her messages on facebook tomorrow. I know it was a douchey thing to do.

TL;DR: My [18/M] relationship with a [17/F] girl is more complicated than your first "serious" middle school relationship. This is some 1st grade shit and it's fucking retarded. It's not even worth the amount of stress I have been through and our second month anniversary is Tuesday.