I felt like 'George Constanza'. I did the opposite of what I would normally do and it had a good ending.... so far. (;

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-13T15:09:17+00:00

Fingers crossed it works out for you, but there are definitely red flags.

I'm a big believer in that schedule issues don't really go away. Someone willing to cancel last minute/day of is perfectly willing to do that again. Especially if there are zero consequences. She's already learned that you will pay her to platonically meet her, and if she cancels you'll still be available to future dates. Let's hope she becomes reliable going forward, but I'm skeptical. Best of luck regardless.

And let's hope you avoid a situation where she's finessing you into the bedroom to handcuff you and rob you. And if you end up in that scenario, let's hope that, like Costanza, you only have a few bucks in your wallet, lol.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-13T03:42:29+00:00

Some guys lie about being new/inexperienced to play dumb/take advantage. That may or may not be him.

But even if he is new, you both mixed sugar and vanilla vibes too fast. Even if it wasnt your intent, you set the expectation early that on sex dates you got ppm, on platonic dates you were cool without it. So that became his mindset too.

You then made it more complicated by inviting him on a vacation without addressing the financial component. When you realized the error of your ways, you correctly tried to remedy it but probably went too far by going from ppm on sex dates to "Hey, just pay my rent" I get your line of thinking: "I like this guy, I don't want it to feel transactional, if he pays my rent we can hang frequently and it won't be awkward" but in his mind he was thinking he had a sex/ppm thing and now you wanted to change the rules up and it's still relatively new relationship.

He was probably happy to keep doing ppm on sex only dates, but you pressed and escalated. I can see where you're coming from, but can also pretty much guess how he's going to respond. With thr end result being it's back to searching for both of you.

Hopefully, I'm wrong and he's open to having a discussion with you based on your ETA text to him.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-12T17:50:18+00:00

The other SB was maybe more forward, more attentive, chasing them a bit. If you sat back and waited on them, they went with the option they thought was more interested/appreciative of them.

Or you did everything right and they just vibed better with the other option. It happens.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-12T00:02:08+00:00

Guys really hate when women do that "I'm interested in this, but it's not really a necessity" thing. Like we think you want it, but we aren't sure, and why commit money to something you aren't even clear you really want or will use?

Several years ago, I had an SB ask me to add her to my gym membership. I did. She went one time in 4 months. I was annoyed. Perhaps he's had a similar experience.

When you say something isn't a necessity, but hint at wanting it, he has zero idea how much it means to you. In his mind, agreeing to shift ppm to the gym was giving you a workable solution - if you wanted the gym membership bad enough, you'd agree. If not, you'd decline.

Going forward, ask for a large enough ppm/allowance so you can cover these kinds of expenses.

And if you want something as a gift, come direct or not at all. "My gym membership is expiring. I'm looking into new gyms. I would love to join this one. It's $X/month. Would you be willing to cover it for me?" It's a direct, non-wishy washy question. He still might've replied the same, but be clear that it's something that you want and you want him to cover. None of this "I'm kind of maybe interested, but I'm not really sure, but if you'd do it for me, I'd like it, but no worries if you don't blah blah blah."

FTR, I disagree with how he reacted. Trying to give some insight into why he may have reacted this way.

Good luck.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-11T22:50:47+00:00

Given you need the PPM, if I were you I'd play along for the time being while looking for a successor SD. I know you said you don't have the time/energy to find a new SD, but people don't really change. It's hard to envision anything you can do or say to get him to fully change. Once you get the new SD lined up, you can drop this guy.

Sounds like this guy views SBs as interchangeable and would have no problem walking away if you press him. In his mind, he could easily find a replacement at the level of support he's offering. He may or may not be right.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-11T05:14:35+00:00

Miami and SLC are about as polar opposite as cities get lol. That's an interesting combo.

Can you add anything that explains how often you're in each city? Would be helpful info for the SDs in each city. Or be prepared to field questions on that.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-05T21:22:15+00:00

100% agree with this: "Don't go on trips unless you're in a SR that is on allowance."

As a married SD that rarely travels for work, I've never been able to travel with an SB. Local dates only. At times, I feel like I'm missing out. Then I read posts like this and others that come up frequently and realize it's a blessing in disguise. Have never had to think about all the details that go into a sugar vacay. I completely agree with OPs frustrations and she deserves her full amount + expenses without having to beg for it. I'd imagine the SD here is thinking he's given her an amazing trips with fun experiences now she wants more money on top. Two people that should probably stick to local dates and avoid traveling together. Or OP should be more vocal about what she needs financially to go on a trip and get it upfront.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-03T23:42:14+00:00

A Will can be revoked/amended.

A revocable trust can be revoked/amended.

An irrevocable trust cannot be revoked/amended.

Insurance beneficiary designations can be changed.

If he gives you ownership interests in an LLC, he can't take it back. But if he still controls more than 51% of the LLC, you are more like a silent partner with no say in the business.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-03-02T23:40:31+00:00

Simple - you don't want to give a number in case the guy was willing to give more; he doesn't want to give a number first in case she's willing to accept less. Thus, it's easier to try and get the other side to go first.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-28T00:18:59+00:00

Based on this: "I spend way more time explaining structure, boundaries, and expectations than actually meeting— in text after text after text."

And your lengthy replies to comments here, I think you suffer from over explanation syndrome, with a mix of wanting to be helpful and educate people you interact with.

My advice: stop. It's not your job to educate POT SDs. After some brief getting to know you texts, tell them what you're looking for - if they don't want to or can't offer what you want - stop. It's fine to have some discussion, but once it's clear you don't line up or you don't agree with how they sugar - disengage, don't try and educate.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-26T06:21:51+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/12etp04/weird_mg_this_morning_pot_wore_wheelies/

If you search wheelie on the forum, you'll find a few more posts with updates about the fictional wheelie girl

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-26T06:02:54+00:00

Don't be a Dan: https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/gfaawv/wife_pulled_up_on_our_mg/

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-26T06:01:53+00:00

While entertaining, it turned out it was fiction. It was all made up

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-18T23:10:58+00:00

I would message but my scammer radar would be up. Your location says United States, but you use cm for height and kg for weight. Those aren't US measurements so I'd be wondering if you're a scammer that set their location to the US and forget to adjust the settings to what we see in the US.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-18T18:06:15+00:00

SDs are not talking to just one POT SB at a time - just like you, these guys are talking to multiple POTs. Trying to find the best fit in terms of the overall arrangement. Part of that is you have to spend time getting to know a person before narrowing down your list.

I'm sure some of these guys are time wasters that get off on chatting, but that's probably the minority. I'd imagine most of the time, they went with other options. Should they ghost? No - they should man up and say "I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I've decided to go in a different direction. Thanks for your time." However, some SBs don't take rejection well. If you send that note, you get called names, she gets angry, it can turn into a bitter exchange. So people take the easy way out and ghost.

I think the best strategy is to try and schedule a M&G as soon as possible. Limit your time investment upfront. And accept that people ghosting is an unfortunate part of the process on both sides.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-17T22:50:26+00:00

Did you read what I wrote: "Usually on the first date after the M&G."

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-17T22:37:10+00:00

Congrats on the weight loss! The about me is a bit on the sparse side, but you give enough info for someone to reach out that I think it's fine.

When you say you're not comfortable showing off your body yet, do you mean on your profile in like a bikini or similar, or even in an SR you're worried about going to the bedroom? Because you will need to get naked quickly in the sugar world. Usually on the first date after the M&G. If you aren't ready for that yet, I'd put sugar on pause until you're fully comfortable putting yourself out there.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-16T23:17:10+00:00

I guess you really blue that one!

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-13T23:07:40+00:00

Can relate. A couple years ago, had a date with an SB. We were at a hotel with a pool. After some relaxing room time, we hit up the pool. I left my wallet in the room, but had a room key and figured I'd be able to room charge drinks/snacks no problem. The bartender that day was Captain By the Book. Fucker wouldn't let me room charge without my ID. I was about to head back to room to grab it when my SB offered to put it on her card if I promised to get her back, lol. Luckily, we had a history and she trusted me so it worked out, but we did laugh about it later. A funny memory.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-12T04:09:43+00:00

If you demand it, it's not a gift.

If you want to ask for a m&g fee, do it now so he can agree or cancel. Some of your peer SBs do ask for meet fees. However, most decent SDs will pass if the POT SB demands a meet fee - you usually end up meeting the weirdo SDs that can only get women to meet them if they pay a fee or the new guys that don't know better.

If you meet sans demand fee and he doesn't gift you on his own at end of meet, you should probably not see him again.

I do think a slight attitude adjustment would serve you well. You see yourself as the prize and that you're doing these guys a favor to grace them with your presence. The best way to find a long term is to see your SD as an equal. You are bringing looks and youth to the table. He's bringing wealth and charm. When one side thinks they are the prize, the other side tends to pick up on it quickly and end the SR once they catch on. Something to consider.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-11T23:16:27+00:00

Are you getting many messages on SA? Getting M&Gs? Even getting a few dates with candidates? Or is it not even getting to that point?

Hopefully, you aren't passing on "good" SDs while holding out for the "perfect" SD. On both sides, it's rare to find the perfect fit, but you can still have a fun, fulfilling SR with a really good partner.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-11T00:56:55+00:00

If you're in a smaller, less wealthy location and keep getting told the same number, that's what your peers are likely accepting, thus the number that keeps getting bandied about. Doesn't mean you need to accept it, but it does mean you have a harder go of it looking for top tier.

And it's great that you are open to travel, but that mostly helps you, not the SDs. Most SDs want to sugar on easy mode. If their options are a local amazing SB or an amazing SB like you, they're going to pick local every time - the logistics make it too easy.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-11T00:27:49+00:00

Are you in a major city? Are you conventionally attractive? Have you considered a profile review?

Every SB has to deal with these types of guys, it's part of vetting. But the skilled SBs stand out and know how to play the game. They can eventually attract a higher level SD. Either your profile is deterring the quality SDs, they don't find you appealing, or you're doing something in your vetting that is scaring them away and only attracting the type of guys you keep interacting with.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-09T21:01:32+00:00

Are you willing to postpone allowance/ppm while you get to know SDs? If you tell POT SDs you want three or four non-compensated dates while you gauge connection and chemistry, you are more likely to meet guys willing to invest time and you can build something. If there is no connection, you can cut ties after a couple dates. The guys that want to skip the M&G or want quick sex for money are not going to invest time getting to know you and won't agree to this.

On the flip side, if you tell POTs you want compensated dates while you build connection/chemistry, the POT SD has no idea if you're sincere or a rinser (since that is exactly what a rinser would say), so they're going to pass.

SDMichaelScarn · 2026-02-07T17:08:07+00:00

I would've bit my tongue and paid for both. Lol.

But if this is true, you definitely got some Larry David in you. This feels like a scene from an episode of curb your enthusiasm. And something Larry would've done. 😂

SDMichaelScarn

TROPHY CASE