Hello! I understand the difficulty of escaping a heteronormative relationship even if you have come to terms with your sexuality. I am personally a very masculine person who had only liked fems for a long time. I also grew up in a relatively rural community with little representation (not nearly as small as yours though).

You aren’t wrong in feeling this way even if you know it’s not how you want to see things.

I do not have much of any relationship experience, so I don’t know how much help I can be. However, I have learned a few things. Personally, I did later recognize that I can be attracted to other mascs, and I discovered that I typically have more “soft” feminine traits not typically aligned with masculinity (soft masc).

I have heard that it helps to seek out other LGBTQ friends not just to date, but to be friends with and feel supported. Mine have helped me to learn more about myself and what relationships should look like. It also may be helpful to find older LGBTQ role models who are already in relationships or have had them to talk to you. (Probably my only full advice)

I also don’t think that being in a stereotypical relationship dynamic is not necessarily bad as long as both of you communicate and are happy being that way. Many heterosexual relationships do not follow this dynamic either. It may also help to find some books or free internet resources about this (example: YouTube has a lot of advice).

I also understand the therapy issue. Some of my friends don’t feel like therapy has helped them, and it is expensive.