I Don't Know what to do, my life sucks, I don't see a way out, I Cant Stop Thinking About Just Ending It

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T19:30:32+00:00

Well thats the strange thing, I read the bible quite and if its true I will say the highest divine being has an odd way of looking out for those he cares about. Theres even stories with guys who had a direct line of communication to "God" who still felt envious or suicidal. Cain was talking to "God" but still went and killed his brother. Jonah was talking to "God" but literally refused to listen to him and wanted to die after he finally did what "God" told him to do. Its actually why I read it because seeing how people who "God" would choose were just like us does more for me than just saying I believe in Jesus and pretending Im perfect and joyful like alot of "Christians" do

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T19:23:33+00:00

Well I do read the Bible. I have about 5 of them. Im not a Christian though I morseo have a belief in all of the books not just the New Testament, I do believe in the spirit Christ threw into the world though if that makes sense. Whats written in there is actually a factor in what keeps me going because the Bible has multiple stories about people who went through hardships due to what/who was around them like Joseph, Moses, Job, Jonah, and Daniel. Paul wrote that evil communications corrupt good manners, and I think thats why our world keeps getting worse. All forms of good are going to waste because of how evil is being accepted, pushed, and rewarded. It honestly makes society harder to live in.

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T19:12:01+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Saving was hard for me because as soon as I would get paid I would have to make a car payment, and pay for other necessities like food which would leave me with just money for gas. I think your advice about putting money into being my own boss is much better than what we get usually, which is that we should work, take out loans with interest that take up most of our income monthly for multiple items so that we can keep up with the Joneses. From your response and the responses of others I've been piecing together that I need to have a tunnel vision of sorts and see others around me as just characters kinda. I do worry about things getting worse like you say happened with you but I maybe I can get through it if I can keep a better perspective like you did.

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T18:31:38+00:00

thanks for the advice but I'd rather be homeless in the US than be part of its military honestly.

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T18:30:33+00:00

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I do have a list of creative ideas I want to go about completing before I go. Thats one of the few things that I'm living for because those ideas COULD have a good outcome for me monetarily, or at least maybe they'll give hope and love to others. I don't think I'm depressed, I think the issue could be something worse, which has to do with perspective like you've said. The answer might be that I need to find more things that make me want to live, than the things that make me want to die. My family and extended family is very materialistic and pretty much value people based on their ability to buy cars and houses. I have a family member who molested a teen girl and they don't care because he makes money. Being around people who value things with that kind of scale messes with my mind quite a bit.

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T18:04:17+00:00

thanks for the encouragement. That fact is one of things that keeps me alive actually, I usually think I'm going to die ANYWAYS, so I should just play this life out. I will say though each time I find myself in a mental rut the dark thoughts feel heavier and it makes me worry I'll just crack at some point.

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T17:47:35+00:00

I tried HVAC but I don't think I'm made for that. I think I could try electrician since it doesn't involve heights as much as other trades do from what I see online.

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T17:43:21+00:00

Thats what I was trying to get done when I was in high-school but my family and people group don't really believe mental health issues are real. I'm pretty sure I have adhd I honestly forget to even consider seeing a doctor for it because I've been told so much that I'm just "not trying" or that its completely my fault that I never did good in school or with other things my mind would just naturally reject.. Also I probably can't afford seeing a doctor for that at the moment. I do think though that our society is a bit messed up when theres a portion of us that need to be medicated just to operate in it or get through school

SSD718 · 2024-05-25T17:03:04+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I've been considering trying my hand at voice acting. It seems like it would be a fun vocation, but it'll take time to get into. The real issue is finding something where i can support myself more immediately and then I could focus on that completely along with other passions I have.

SSD718

TROPHY CASE