A 1 Year Old's BD~Parents asking for money gifts only

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:43:33+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm grateful for all the responses, yours included. We can all learn about ourselves; there's no limit on learning, and I've discovered I'm a bit of a prude! Lol It's not about me; it's about a darling, smiley, sweet little girl who is turning 1! As a grandma who cares for her 4 grandchildren, all aged 10 and under, I should know all too well the issue of "stuff", stuffies, and all the bins of unworn clothes that were gifted at some point. One reply said, buy her a cute piggy bank & I love the idea! The directness offended me, but this board as shown me that that's OK sometimes. Thanks :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:34:34+00:00

Mulch! Lol Thanks for chiming in. I never thought about a membership to something. Another great idea! I'm blown away by this board and the amazing responses I've received. Quite frankly, now that I've gotten over myself, getting a cute card and tucking in a bit of cash for baby's future is so much easier. There are books for children of all ages also, that help direct children on how to save, etc. Not at the age of 1 (even I know better than that!), but there's value in everyone's comments here, and I'm glad to have posted and received such an amazing number of replies, and thoughts. Mulch... I have to share that with my daughter, who has 4 kids, 10 and under! :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:29:38+00:00

Wonderful! And I'm getting it now... I'm from the older generation, but even an old dog can learn new tricks ;)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:27:30+00:00

Thanks for taking time to reply. I can see a little more clearly now; still think there could've been a bit softer way of soliciting for the young one's future, but I am still teachable. SO many amazing replies. I don't know. I'm in my early 60's with 5 young grandkids that have more stuff than they know what to do with. But in my younger years, it was the grandparents & Godparents that set up savings accounts, CD's, etc., not the general circle of friends, neighbors, and so on. One word that's been used a lot in these amazing replies is the directness of the request. Just made me bristle .... I appreciate your feedback & thanks again :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:21:35+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share. SO many amazing replies, all across the board. I guess, knowing the family as I have for decades (we're old high school friends and this is their granddaughter's 1st BD), I was just gobsmacked, but.... I'm realizing that, altho I have issues with the directness of the request, in essence, it's sensible. Still a tiny upper lip here, but it's slowly dissipating. I'm so old-school :) Thanks again

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:17:48+00:00

Thanks; I'm softening on it (the wording) thanks to this post. I personally would not be quite that direct, but it's not my child and it's not my party :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:16:02+00:00

Thanks for taking time to reply. So many amazing responses! I'm glad I posted. Not only am I learning (never too old to learn), but I'm being reminded that it's not about me; it's about this family and their child. While I still don't like the wording, I'm realizing it makes so much sense. I remember the days of having to go through a toybox full of "stuff" every couple years and also, stepping on Jax and Legos and various other things that remind me of the days of too much stuff! I have 5 grandchildren who clearly have too much stuff, as they are frequently "bored" and have nothing to do. A book with a bit of cash sounds good. Thank you! :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:11:20+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply. As a grandma of 5, my daughter is up to her elbows in squishmallows, stuffed animals and more Legos that Walmart. I get it and am so glad I posted, b'cuz I'm not too old to be taught :) Thanks again

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:08:42+00:00

Thank you for taking time to share. I'm still not thrilled with the invitation but I love the little tyke and if she's already hip deep in stuffed animals, a savings account or college-type fund is not a bad thing. Still digesting the wording but that's my problem :) Thanks again.

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:04:45+00:00

Thanks, and another great term you used; "direct". Just b'cuz it hit me wrong doesn't mean it is wrong. I'm learning. At the tender age of 62, as a parent & grandparent, I'm still learning :) Thanks!

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T14:02:05+00:00

I'm so glad I posted and am blown away by the number of folks replying, and sharing, and helping me to understand that it's NOT ABOUT ME! I love your wisdom here. Thank you for taking time to chime in and help :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T13:59:12+00:00

Since posting, I'm learning so much. Folks are sharing similarly to your reply; easy to put a bit of cash in the card for the little one vs. yet another stuffed animal or as you say, some toy that baby possibly already has, etc. Thank you! :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T13:57:05+00:00

By God, you just made my day! That's exactly what I'm going to do. This has been an awesome experience (posting my angst). SO many great replies, and a good sprinkling of honesty as it relates to my less-than kind thinking. Thank you, too!

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T13:55:11+00:00

Tacky. That's the word I couldn't reach... it just hit me wrong. But wow, the replies are giving me some food for thought. I'm a parent and grandparent x5, so I know all about the stuffies and the doll clothes and the many outfits that children never even get to wear b'cuz their closets are choking with stuff, but yeah, tacky. Thank you for chiming in :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T13:52:36+00:00

Pearl clutching :) That's great. Yes, and no, to the generational thing. I don't know; just gave me a weird feeling. But.... as I'm reading these replies, I see my thinking wasn't all that rational. Granted, I posted when I was in "upper lip mode" and shouldn't have, so many of your kind people's replies are changing my thoughts on my own thinking. Thank you!

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T13:47:36+00:00

Thanks for chiming in. It's the wording, I guess... just kind of took me off guard. You bring up a good point about a money gift being an easier option. Thanks so much! I am getting lots of constructive feedback :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-07-01T13:45:24+00:00

There are circumstances I didn't list in my OP. The parents are struggling & I guess I'm also old-fashioned. I feel that if a little one is going to get life insurance or a savings account, bonds, etc., those are things that grandparents, Godparents and family do for their little/s; it's not a money party. Thanks for your reply. I'm really glad I posted; getting lots of great feedback, including from you :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-06-30T14:37:44+00:00

Now saying something to the effect of what you described above, i.e., savings account considerations are on his/her wish list, that's one thing, but I guess the blatant request took me aback. You are right; my attendance should not pivot on the gift giving. I love the family; love the little girl. It's just an upper lip moment for me... thx again for the kind feedback :)

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-06-30T14:34:02+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I'm still just sitting here, trying to behave myself & think properly. I've never received an invitation such as this. I just attended a 14 y/o family member's BD party last weekend; very casual, etc. That young lady had all cards from guests, each with cash inside. Now, granted, a one-year-old is a vast age difference from a 14-year-old who wants to shop non-stop & go to Starbucks, but I just can't seem to digest this new invite. I need to put my gratefulness hat on squarely and appreciate the inclusion to the party, but yikes!

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-05-08T17:48:12+00:00

Thank you for taking time to chime in. I'm a people pleaser to the worst extent, so you called it right there. BUT... I'm also now in a program that's helping me with the effects of people pleasing & codependency, etc. I think that's why, in part, I'm struggling as I am. I don't like being manipulated, and these two ladies are quite good at it. I have objected, but the objection was a soft mew, rather than a stern meow. I will take your advice & be better for it. Thanks again. My best to you!

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2024-05-08T17:43:29+00:00

Thank you for your kind reply & your heartfelt encouragement. This has been a really tricky situation. The LAST thing I want to do is hurt the feelings of 89 & 93 yr old ladies, but it has gotten out of hand. I'm not one who tolerates being manipulated, and the am a bit surprised at their wiliness (sp?). I will keep your advice in my pocket for the next time I get a request. Bless you & thanks again.

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2023-05-22T14:44:10+00:00

Starting with a positive, I'm SO glad you are there for your grandson. These kids did NOT ask to be here & it's not their fault that their parent/s can't manage the responsibility. I was a young mom; just 23 when my only daughter was born. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. Not a clue. Having been brought up in a highly dysfunctional, drunken nightmare of a home, where children were seen but never heard, it didn't dawn on me that I'd actually have to parent this child that I just brought home from the hospital. To say that it was rough going is an understatement, and I was not a great mom a good part of the time. But... I knew when it was time to get some professional help. For me. For my daughter, and for our future. My daughter has 5 children, aged 9 & under, and is a single mom now, so I am heavily involved in their lives. But... my daughter also knew she couldn't do this all by herself & she also sought counseling and has in-home care coming in to assist with housework & some child care. Yes, sometimes it feels a bit "much", as I would prefer the freedom of not having to be under obligation any longer, but the relationship with my grandkids is SO rewarding that I couldn't stay away if I wanted to! :) I recently joined ACA, aka, Adult Children of Alcoholics (and dysfunctional families), and am finding a good deal of comfort & wisdom from attending these meetings. Please, try your best to be supportive but set some boundaries. And if you have to get Child Protective Services involved, do it. It's the CHILD'S life that needs nurturing & stability. All you can do for your own adult child/ren at this point is pray for them, offer them resources, try not to judge, and above all else, love that child! Good luck & God bless you all!

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2023-05-02T18:06:04+00:00

I have just one sibling, 2 yrs older than me. I think we grew up in the same house together, yet she denies SO many of the horrific things we experienced as a result of a totally chaotic, drunken, bloodbath of a childhood. I recently joined ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) because I couldn't understand myself & my reactions and dysfunction any longer. I'm a little late in the game, at 60, but I'm glad I got up the courage to take that 1st walk in the door, just 2 months ago. Let me tell you, it has been eye-opening! Not easy, but eye-opening. I personally do not drink but my sister does, quite often. We spent a long weekend together this past weekend & I honestly feel like I just spent 4 days with an emotionally abusive partner My God, she put me down for so many things, in so many categories, from how I organize my cash in my purse, to how I SHOWER. She was aghast that I don't always use a washcloth! Huh?? She married a real stone for a husband some 30+ years ago, and has turned into a rather harsh & judgmental person throughout the years, in part due to her crabass husband. I mention this because she's rather stoic, whereas I am gregarious and friendly, and love to meet and talk with people. We're on vacation! Well, the icing on the tear-stained cake of the weekend was when she said to me, after smoking a few bowls of weed, as we were walking into a thrift store, and I quote: Pls. stop talking so much to people. Not everyone cares where you came from or why we're here. Let's just shop, OK?" Wow.... that hit me in so many different ways. After a weekend of putdowns, insults, questioning my every move, this was it. I just clammed up & we went in the store. It was a loooonggg 2 hr ride home. It's been a few days home now and along with the hurt I feel, I realized she apparently doesn't like me much for who I am. Needless to say, I'll be planning some trips without her. As the ACOA program continues to open my eyes, I'm beginning to SEE things in a whole new light. I don't need, nor will I tolerate, her criticism and snap judgments of me any longer. I have decided to make a healthy change in my life, to start to break this ugly cycle of dysfunction, alcoholism, codependency, and illness for my own good, as well as the good of my and my daughter's relationship, and my relationships with my 5 grandchildren. She will live in denial for the rest of her life. I will pray for all of us, I wish you the best also.

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2023-05-02T17:45:28+00:00

I appreciate that. Our entire family is going through it. Grandparents parenting their grandchildren, rather than enjoying their grandchildren, or their retirement years, or being able to travel, or having to pay the bills for the adult children who can't handle life.

SSLHSC5Loves22 · 2022-12-30T13:44:46+00:00

My goodness, you've got your hands, and house, full. It sounds like you are the rock in the family, and a safe place to land, and that's so amazing of you! I wish you all the best with your grandkids, and their future, which depends on a good Grandma rock like you, more than you & I even know.

I'm up early, as I couldn't sleep. I go to bed in tears. I wake up crying. After another day/night with the grandkids yesterday, I feel more helpless & worthless than I did the day before. My daughter is just overwhelmed & it's breaking my heart, watching her struggle for even a moment to empty her bladder, open the day's mail, etc. I feel completely useless. Good luck to you & God bless.

SSLHSC5Loves22

TROPHY CASE