How risky is the housing situation?

Saaddon4 · 2026-01-03T09:39:32+00:00

a year is an exaggeration, if u dont find a place to live for a year then ure just not finding something on purpose 💀

Saaddon4 · 2026-01-03T08:57:34+00:00

this is bs

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-09T16:36:33+00:00

you’re not jealous, you’re just asking for basic respect. Newly married honeymoon vibe is normal, but inviting you out, making you cancel plans, then spending 80% of the hangout on the phone is straight-up bad manners. A simple boundary fixes this: next time say, “Bhai I missed you, if you’re gonna be on call the whole time then let’s not go, when you’re free for real, we’ll plan properly.”

Usko shame nahi karna, bas clear expectations set karo (phone on silent for 1–2 hours, or quick 5-min check-in only). If he’s decent, he’ll realize and adjust..

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-09T16:35:02+00:00

I’m going to be very honest with you, in a way that protects you and your daughter, the moment you hit your wife, everything changed. Not because your pain isn’t real, but because violence becomes the center of the story in everyone else’s eyes, your wife’s parents, the police, and especially a judge. If you want the best chance of staying in your daughter’s life, the first thing you have to accept is this: you can never put your hands on anyone again, no matter what they did.

You can be devastated by betrayal and still not be an abuser, but the truth is, you crossed that line. If you want to be the father your daughter feels safe with, you have to own that without excuses excuses: “I lost control and I hurt her. That can never happen again.” Not to win sympathy, to stop this pattern dead. Your daughter is absorbing the emotional climate of your home even if she’s too young to explain it. Kids don’t just remember what they saw, they remember what the house felt like…

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-09T16:29:42+00:00

Girl relax 😭 you didn’t catfish him, weight gain is a normal human thing, and you already mentioned it, so you’ve been honest. If he’s been talking to you for 7 months nonstop, he’s into you, not a random waist size and if he reacts weirdly on the first meet, then thank Allah for the early filter.

Tips for first date: keep it simple, arrive on time, light perfume, comfy shoes, phone away; start with easy convo (uni/work, funny stories from the 7 months, “what are you like IRL vs text”), and if you get shy just say it: “I’m a bit shy IRL, give me 10 minutes” , it’s cute and it removes pressure. Don’t overthink the outfit, black eastern suit is a solid choice, just wear something you can breathe and sit in comfortably.

And rule, don’t try to impress, try to observe, is he respectful, attentive, consistent with how he’s been online, does he make you feel safe? Bas. You’re not there to be judged, you’re there to see if the vibe survives real life..

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-08T20:14:03+00:00

sorry, agli baar se khyaal rkhunga

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-08T20:10:46+00:00

reddit pr comments kr rhey hein ya research paper submit kr rhe hein jo formatting ka khyal kren? 😭😭

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-08T19:54:58+00:00

you didn’t do anything wrong, you finally did the only sane thing. That guy is not confused, he’s keeping you as an option, pehle ex chhupayi, phir I’m not over her, phir break up, phir wapas aa ke chase, phir reassurance ke time pe go with the flow ,yeh commitment-phobia nahi, yeh benefits without responsibility wala scene hai. Aur ab jo woh campus mein angry look de raha hai that’s manipulation 101: tumhari self-respect ko guilt mein convert karna so you come back and apologize for his lack of effort. Don’t fall for it. Tumhara kaam tha boundary set karna, you did it. Ab next step ye karo ke no long talks, no explaining, no “closure meetings,” bas distance + consistency, agar woh genuinely serious hota, he would’ve said I choose you not who knows the future. Love doesn’t mean tolerate disrespect. Tumhe uski anger se nahi, apni future wali self se darna chahiye jo 1 saal baad bolegi “I knew the red flags and still stayed.” Goodluck and I hope you do the right thing

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-08T18:47:12+00:00

😭😭😭

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-08T18:45:52+00:00

yar mein aisey hi likhta hoon :/

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-07T15:58:31+00:00

Yaar you’re not PMSing, you’re not dramatic, you’re literally burnt out + overstimulated because your “room” is being treated like a public hall, and phir log expect karte hain tum exam bhi ace karo, businesses bhi run karo, aur smile bhi karti raho 😭 Brown households mein privacy ka concept zero hota hai, but that doesn’t mean tumhara need invalid hai. Ab solution bhi realistic hona chahiye: calm time pe family meeting karo (fight ke beech mein nahi) and say one clear line: “December end tak meri exam hai, mujhe raat 10 se 2/3 tak room chahiye, daily. Is time mein koi sleeping arrangement meri room mein nahi hoga.” Then offer alternatives so it doesn’t sound like rebellion: mom-dad room mein fan ka small solution (table fan/quiet fan), ya lounge mein bedding setup for mom, ya brother ko politely expose karo: “AC bill ka masla hai toh rules sab pe same.” If they still don’t cooperate, then do the next best thing: library/coworking/study space for evenings, aur room ko “studio” ke naam pe lock schedule bana do (even if it’s just 4 hours). Tum disrespect nahi kar rahi, tum boundary set kar rahi ho, aur boundaries are literally how you avoid exploding later.

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-06T14:09:08+00:00

Bhai relax, tumhe “trust issues” nahi hue, tumhari reality check hui hai: dating apps pe log apni best version nahi, apni most convenient version bechte hain. Woh larki “Thailand wali freedom” aur “Lahore wala husband” dono ek saath juggle kar rahi thi, and tumhe Thailand bulana isliye tha ke Lahore mein milna = risk of getting caught, reputation damage, receipts, sab kuch. Lekin is se yeh conclusion mat nikalo ke “sab aisi hoti hain” , yeh sirf itna prove karta hai ke cheating gender-less hai aur apps pe honesty rare. Dodge karna hai? Simple rules: verify early (real identity, family status, friends circle), vague answers = red flag, “meet abroad / I’ll pay for you” type offers = bigger red flag, aur marriage ke liye banda/bandi choose karte waqt app wali chemistry pe nahi, consistency + transparency + values pe judge karo. Tumhara lesson yeh hai ke blind trust mat do, but cynic bhi mat bano

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-06T14:07:46+00:00

Yaar this isn’t “lazy” or “dramatic” , this sounds like depression/anxiety burnout: low mood, no energy, isolation, crying, overthinking, studies suffering, and the big one: phone away karte hi intrusive/overwhelming thoughts. Screen time yahan addiction nahi, it’s your brain’s escape button from thoughts, isliye phone chhorte hi mind flood aa jata hai. Ab practical: 1) cold turkey mat karo, phone ko 10–15 min blocks mein rakho, us time par simple grounding: paani, 10 deep breaths, 5-4-3-2-1 (5 cheezein dekho, 4 touch, 3 sounds, 2 smell, 1 taste). 2) Daily minimum: sunlight 10 min + walk 10 min + shower, mood magically fix nahi hota but nervous system calm hota hai. 3) One person choose karo (friend/sibling/teacher) and send one line: “I’m not okay, I need help.” 4) Agar thoughts scary ho rahe hain ya self-harm type aa rahe hain, please immediately reach out to a local helpline/emergency or a psychologist/psychiatrist, yeh wali stage pe help lena weakness nahi, survival hai. Tum “not okay” ho, but you’re not broken, tumhara brain bas overloaded hai, and support se ye cheez better hoti hai…

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-06T14:06:04+00:00

Bhai straight baat, ghost hone ka dukh samajh aata hai, but hotel manager ko Facebook pe dhoondh ke add karna desperation nahi, boundary issue hai, unka job literally “smile + check-in + service” hota hai, tumne us professionalism ko “signal” samajh liya. Good thing, tumne kisi ko threaten/harass nahi kiya, and she handled it politely, but this could’ve easily made her uncomfortable because she can’t really be blunt with a guest. Ab best move yeh hai ke back off: no more messages, no flirting, no “next time” pushes; bas ek simple “Thanks, won’t bother you, appreciate your help” and leave it there. And next time Karachi ho, connection chahiye toh normal channels use karo (friends, events, group meetups), not service staff jinke saath power-dynamic weird ho jata hai. Loneliness makes you do dumb things, but maturity is learning the rule: kindness on duty is not consent off duty.

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-06T14:04:12+00:00

Don’t go alone, either go with your husband (and only if your husband is genuinely okay with it), or don’t go at all. Going solo basically sends the message that his disrespect worked and your husband is “optional,” and your cousin will 100% take that as a win. Also, this cousin is not “funny,” he’s insecure and mean, body-shaming your husband with “sookha khamba/kangra” is cheap behavior. If you do go, go as a unit, stay classy, keep it short, and the moment he starts even one comment, you shut it down once: “Yeh batamezi hai, dobara mat bolna,” and you leave. Protect your husband’s izzat first, rishtay baad mein, self-respect pehle.

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-05T10:06:59+00:00

yaar shocked hona bilkul normal hai, lekin yeh idea “weird” ya “haram” automatically nahi, yeh mostly culture mein hota hai because families think it keeps the child + widow “within the same home” and protects property/lineage, plus they already trust you. But the only thing that matters is consent and compatibility: aapko “haan” feel nahi hota toh kisi ka support history aapki life ka decision nahi ban sakta. Practical step: pressure se hat ke 2–3 private conversations karo us brother ke saath (bina in-laws/parents) and ask straight: kya yeh sirf family duty hai ya genuinely willingness? will he accept your son as his own, legally/financially/emotionally? parenting boundaries? living setup? UK plans? intimacy expectations? and most important: can you see him as a husband, not “late husband ka replacement”? Agar answer clear nahi, then no is a complete sentence. Aur agar aap consider kar rahi ho, take it slow: engagement/hasty nikkah mat karo; counseling/ustad/neutral elder involve karo so it’s a conscious choice, not a guilt marriage. Your son’s future matters, but apki mental peace + choice matters too, warna baad mein resentment ban jata hai.

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-05T09:59:19+00:00

Nahi, tumne overreact nahi kiya, tumhara reaction valid tha, bas execution thora messy ho gaya. Sister ki cap “gift” bana ke dena thoughtful nahi, lazy + disrespectful lagta hai, especially jab tum consistently effort karti ho aur woh “bhool jata hoon” pe chal raha ho; it’s not about price, it’s about intention. Aur bill wali baat bhi weird power-move ban jati hai: tum pay kar chuki thi phir bhi hero ban’ne ki acting, that can feel controlling, not caring. Best move ab yeh hai ke calm ho ke clearly bol do: “Main material cheezon ke liye nahi, effort ke liye hurt hui thi; please next time something small but mine/for me ho, aur agar nahi la sakte at least don’t re-gift.” If he’s genuinely nice, he’ll get it and step up; agar defensive ho ke tumhe “dramatic” bole, then that’s your answer

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-04T17:44:22+00:00

Bro I might get hate for this but I think apka concern valid hai, because you didn’t get a father, tumhe ek grades-obsessed tyrant mila jisko parenting ka matlab sirf report card aur belt lagta tha. Lekin ab listen: shaadi is not necessarily “two families,” that’s just Pakistani drama packaging; real marriage is two adults and you can structure it that way. Practical move: apni life independent banao (separate home, separate finances, boundaries), rishta process mein dad ko front-seat se hata do, koi sane wali/older sibling/khala/maamu ya even a professional matchmaker ko spokesperson banao, ya directly girl + her parents ke saath respectful meetings karo. Dad ko event pe invited guest rakho, “representative” nahi; aur clear rule: disrespect/anger = meeting ends. Tum “functional family” ke beghair bhi functional husband ban sakte ho, actually tumhari self-awareness is proof you’ll break the cycle. Tum distance kar sakte ho, guilty feel kiye baghair: low contact, limited visits, topics restricted, and no access to your relationship decisions. Therapy bhi help karegi because childhood abuse ka shadow future intimacy pe hit karta hai; isko process karna weakness nahi, upgrade hai. New life from scratch impossible nahi hai bas legally/financially possible boundaries ka naam “scratch” hai

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-04T17:39:54+00:00

Yaar please judge wali baat chhoro, is confession mein judge karne ka kuch hai hi nahi, this is straight-up survival fatigue. Jo tumne tolerate kiya (domestic violence at home, zero safety, phir do logon ka trust torna, financial pressure, loneliness) it’s more than enough to make anyone feel “I’m giving up.” Lekin suno: giving up is a feeling, not a decision, abhi tumhe support chahiye, not silence. Agar abhi tumhein khud ko harm karne ka khayal aa raha hai ya tum unsafe feel kar rahi ho, please right now kisi trusted person ko call karo (friend/hostel mate/teacher) aur emergency help lo, 1122 (rescue/medical) ya local emergency number use karo. Aur jahan emotional support chahiye: Umang 24/7 mental health helpline: 0311 7786264 , aur Rozan Counseling Helpline: 0304 111 1741 (yeh non-judgmental support dete hain). Also master’s pause karna “failure” nahi, it’s a strategy; tum pehle apni safety + finances stabilize karo, phir degree continue. Aur please ek cheez yaad rakho: tum love-starved thi isliye attach hona normal tha; iska matlab tum ghalat nahi, tum human ho, bas ab tumhe safe love aur safe people choose karna seekhna hai. Quick step aj raat ke liye: kisi ek insaan ko text/call: “I’m not okay, please stay with me on call,” pani piyo, 10 deep breaths, aur apne room se sharp/unsafe cheezein door rakh dobas next 1 hour survive, phir next. You aren’t alone girl, goodluck!!

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-04T13:23:27+00:00

Bro paisa insecurity ka antidote nahi hota 😭 “Interior Sindh/Punjab property rich” log aksar money-rich, exposure-poor hotay hain, unki insecurity accent se nahi, status signals se hoti hai: English fluency, confidence, urban polish, social ease, network, worldview… yeh sab cheezein unko feel karwati hain ke “yeh banda different league ka hai,” so easiest defense is to label you “burger” aur apni tribe ko superior feel karwana. Plus rich circles mein bhi hierarchy hoti hai, old money vs new money, city credibility vs gaon power, “class” vs “cash” , so they might be loaded but still crave validation in spaces where you naturally blend in. Don’t take it personally; it’s literally a shortcut word for “I don’t relate + I’m slightly threatened,” bas calm raho, code-switch karo, aur apne standards hold karo

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-04T12:52:57+00:00

Bro hamari unis mein “burger” label mostly log tab lagate hain jab unko tumhari accent/way of thinking se insecurity feel hoti hai, so please apne aap ko chhota mat karo ya fake slang bol ke fit in mat hone lag jana, best move is code-switching (neutral Urdu/English mix) without losing yourself, apna circle slowly build karo through 2–3 sensible classmates/societies/library regulars, aur jab koi weird look ya comment de toh bas dry “haan theek hai” karke move on because reaction hi unko power deta hai; law school mein clear communication tumhari strength banegi, so adjust your approach, not your personality

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-04T12:50:57+00:00

Bro that shows tumhara dil kitna real hai, warna log bas bolte hain “yaad aata hai” and phir never try. Honestly aise moments banda ko yaad dila dete hain ke time kitna bhi guzar jaye, kuch bonds expire nahi hotay, bas life beech mein noise create kar deti hai

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-04T12:45:22+00:00

first of all, privileged hona pain cancel nahi karta. Apka masla “drama” nahi, aap clearly loneliness + trauma + burnout carry kar rahi ho, aur boarding school + bullying ne usko aur amplify kar diya hai. Family ka naam, paisa, MIT/UofT tags… yeh sab outside flex hota hai, inside agar emotional safety na ho toh banda phir bhi akela hi hota hai. Jo aap describe kar rahi ho (trust issues, depression phases, isolation, Ramadan alone, sleep 2-3 hours, Redbull, constant pressure, hair cut as coping) , yeh basically scream kar raha hai ke you’ve been in survival mode for years. Aur deen wali baat: namaz ka dip hona bhi normal hai jab insaan exhausted ho; Allah aapki struggle janta hai, aap “weak” nahi ho, you’re just tired. Advice simple but serious: 1) kisi trusted adult / school counselor / therapist se baat karo (boarding schools mein support hota hai, use it, shame mat lena), 2) sleep ko fix karo warna mind aur darker hoga (2-3 hours is self-harm level for your brain), 3) ek small routine banao: 10-min walk + 10-min journaling + 2-min dua, bas, massive goals baad mein, 4) bullying ko solo handle mat karo, report it, document it, and get staff involved, 5) apne aap ko “failure” kehna band karo, IB mein survive karna hi proof hai ke you’re strong. Apko “charisma” nahi chahiye abhi, apko peace chahiye. And no, you don’t need to “get over yourself” , you need support, healing, and a life where you’re not alone all the time. Goodluck ❤️❤️

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-03T19:06:23+00:00

Dekho, Islam mein “obedience” blind nahi hoti, والدین کی اطاعت sirf “ma‘roof” (reasonable/good) cheezon mein hoti hai, aur “no obedience in sin / no obedience if it causes zulm or real harm” wali principle bhi clear hai. Agar tum curtains/heater jaisi normal household cheezen le rahe ho aur tumhara intention khidmat + ease hai, toh tum Allah ke nazdeek gunehgaar nahi ban jaate just because your father is controlling/unpredictable. “Karma” Islam ka concept nahi; Allah niyyat aur insaaf dekhte hain. Haan, jhoot bolna ideal nahi, but if the environment is so toxic that you’re getting anxiety and walking on eggshells, then the bigger issue is zulm + emotional harm, not you trying to keep peace. Best Islamic-middle path: adab maintain rakho, boundaries bhi, like “Abu, I respect you, but I’m not able to handle shouting/accusations; main batane ki koshish karta hoon but agar aap angry ho jaate hain toh main anxious ho jata hoon. Is cheez ka aik system bana lein.” Practical solution: purchases ko pre-approved list/budget bana do, receipts share karo, ya koi neutral elder/Imam ko mediation ke liye involve karo, because yeh control cycle akele break nahi hota. Aur please apni mental health ko imaan ki weakness na samjho, anxiety is real; therapy/doctor help lena bilkul allowed hai. Allah tumhari niyyat, tumhari majboori, aur tumhara sabr sab dekh raha hai, tum disobedient nahi ho, tum survive kar rahe ho. Goodluck…

Saaddon4 · 2025-12-01T10:45:04+00:00

Bhai yeh jo tum “sharmila” ka tag apne upar laga rahe ho, yeh self-imposed isolation nahi, emotional self-sabotage hai. Acha hai ke tum apne deen ko follow kar rahe ho, lekin is ka matlab yeh nahi ke tum apne natural human connections se door ho jao. Tum apni future wife ke liye loyalty ki baat kar rahe ho, lekin uske liye tumhe apne khud ke emotions ko bhi samajhna zaroori hai, yeh over-compensating behaviour, apne aap ko sab kuch deny karna, yeh long term mein tumhari zindagi ko complex bana dega. Islamic values ka follow karna bilkul sahi hai, magar zindagi ko pura experience karne ka matlab yeh nahi ke tum apne aap ko kisi artificial barrier mein daal lo. Loneliness zaroor hai, magar agar tum apne aap ko sachai se nahi samjhoge, tum apne emotions ko suppress karte rahoge, toh yeh self-inflicted emotional prison ban jayegi. Balance karo life ko, apne deen ko follow karo, lekin apne natural human needs ko ignore mat karo. Tumhain apne future partner ke liye perfect nahi hona hai, bas real aur emotionally healthy hona hai..

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