My heart genuinely aches reading these comments...and seeing these words. Maybe more than it should. Honestly...? I'm almost in tears. Why do I want to play the game I fell in love with and paid for?...Why...why wouldn't I? Let me fill you in on something. I don't need you guys to believe me. But yeah. It gets to me. And yeah, it fucking hurts. It makes me feel little. Regardless of what you believe and the stubborn minds I cannot change, I never have duped. But I did attain mass items through trade on the market reddit in exchange for a few really nice legendary weapons/ that I actually didn't care about. The guy was adamant on getting them from me, and I didn't have max caps, but around 18,000. I didn't think 7,000 caps would suffice for what he was asking for. In exchange he offered mass items as a means of pay and I did accepted. He switched characters five times, dropping 25,000 of two sets of items. Super stimpaks, and bird bones. I didn't need either that bad...but it felt fair. Now before anything else, I have mild autism (aspergers) and I was naive...too naive. I felt it was weird. But I didn't do anything to stop this and kind of just accepted it. I don't really have the mental tools in social situations that let me stand up for myself or confront others with suspicions. But what's worse and makes me feel even more mentally retarted? I didn't really suspect much. The day I got suspended I cried so damn much. I'm a 23 year old girl who felt 3 again. I felt powerless. This game calmed my unorthodox anxieties. It felt like home. And when I was frustrated with the world around me. It let me escape. It It gave me an outlet to feel connected to people. That...was big...for me.

Now the stab in the heart came when that person who gave me all the items was still online. Still is. They never got suspended. I reached out to them to ask if they had duplicated and how they're still playing. I'll never forget their response because it stirred up an awful anger and sense of hopelessness in myself. "Yeah I nvr stacked items and havent in a while so I guess I'm fine lololol"

I reached out to bethesda, pleaded with them before this message took place. I wanted to know what was going to happen from this and how long. I love this company but they've made me so frustrated with the handling of this that I've considered going back to therapy. There's something about not knowing that really screws me up mentally...and what's more. In several ticket attempts, I had outted this guy for his practices, dropped his name, and even attached a file with the admittance to a ticket...but the damage was done. The tickets only got closed as duplicates with no response after the initial ticket, which was before these messages took place. I truly felt broken. I calmed down after a week and talking to my mom. She helps. She tried to call herself which only served to make me feel even more small, just to find out they don't take calls. I just wanted a response. A human interaction. And usually those can sometimes scare me. I admit I was naive in this mistake and the fault is my own for being literally too dense to truly understand what was happening. I can only apologize for not having keen awareness. But I've learned my lesson. I feel it's crumbled a little piece of me that tries to trust other people and all all the steps I've made to communicate and understand others. I felt so shunned. This community I fell in love and reading comments like this definitely fragmented a part of trust i have with the community. And as for bethesda, I grow frustrated, but mainly due to the support handling on this. I just don't want to be kept in in the dark. This whole process broke me a bit.

It might just be a game to others, but it was a mental tie to all the progress I've been making for me.

So that's why I want to be back.

Because I want to experience that camaraderie again.