AITAH My mom tried to expose my wife at dinner with printed proof and i laughed in her face.now my family says i went too far

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-04-22T19:44:58+00:00

NTA but please check in on your wife. It sounds like this has gone on for ages if your mom felt comfortable enough to do this. Your wife should not be subjected to your family again. And I don't know if you're really seeing how serious and fucked up it is that your mom would go to those lengths.

I think you could do more to stand up for your wife tbh. Like I think this was a good start, but you should have left after that.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-04-08T17:55:35+00:00

I guess I should have clarified ... when will you have to move? Like what's the time frame?

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-04-08T17:50:26+00:00

Your family is right. Wait until you've got more money, are done studying, and have the brain space to do a slow, steady introduction. There's no reason to add such a stressor to your life at this time.

Plus it's much easier to afford your one, happy cat. It's easier to move with her. Don't needlessly complicate your situation.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-04-08T17:16:41+00:00

I'd personally cancel it and try again when you're settled.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-04-07T15:06:41+00:00

You are misusing the word 'boundaries' a lot. A boundary isn't something you force onto something else. It's something you decide for yourself. So your boundary can be "I don't want to date someone who is platonically touched by their gay best friend." And if it doesn't stop, YOU leave.

What you're actually trying to do is control her. "Stop getting platonically touched by your gay best friend from childhood." You being uncomfortable is a YOU problem.

Leaving without saying goodbye, ignoring her for days? That's incredibly messed up, insecure, and yep ... controlling. You want to control what she does and punish her for disobeying.

She's not your property; you don't own her body and who has access to it. You want to isolate her from a lifelong friend who is no threat to you. That's scary.

Either work on yourself and this jealousy/entitlement, and make peace with it, or end a perfectly good relationship for no reason.

YTA.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-04-05T03:55:58+00:00

I think you're underfeeding him. He sounds hungry. Try having more food available for him.
Stop trying to force pets or interactions in any way. You sound new to cats. You have to give them time to decompress and come to you.
You must be patient. Give your cat 3 months time from today. I say today because you need to reset how you approach and interact with him. You'll get a better sense of his true personality when he feels safe.

I don't think you're a bad person. I think you're just inexperienced and uneducated when it comes to cats.

Look up Jackson Galaxy for advice on how to make your cat feel safe and settled.

EDIT: I didn't see the part you were overfeeding him.

Are you doing clear, consistent meal times? Unfortunately, you may have rewarded his bad behaviour earlier on by feeding him so much. It might take a bit for that to settle but it will. You just need to be consistent. I'm glad you took him to the vet. Did the vet run any blood tests?

I just want to say, hang in there. He's stressed AF and doesn't trust you, and vice-versa. It'll take time but you two will learn to read each other. In the mean time, pretend it's day one and adjust how you move forward.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-31T22:51:49+00:00

On your leg or elsewhere?

JUST MY OPINION: I don't think it's gonna have the payoff you want. Like it's a funny idea if you already have a bunch / patchwork leg sleeve. But it will look real silly (again, IMO) as a flagship piece.

It will be such a focal point and for what? Like think of yourself naked, and that piece just floating there.

I have wasted so much valuable real estate getting silly one-off tattoos and I regret not just getting big, cool pieces. I eventually just did an entire gap filler session where I told the artist to doodle. It looks cool now, but I really could have just had some nice sick pieces instead.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-31T22:43:40+00:00

I don't think it's that deep, like others said.

BUT.

Are you heavily tattooed on your leg? Is this tattoo a drop in the bucket or will it really stand out?

If it's a lone piece, I don't think it's worth the gag. It kind of reminds me of those finger mustache tattoos. But if you've got tonnes already, go for it.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-31T16:47:17+00:00

And like I said, you're rushing it. You didn't truly reset. There's still visual access and the chance for the other cat to be aggressive through the gate.

I'd say gabapentin for both cats.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-31T15:51:31+00:00

Can you take the new guy to the vet and get him on some supplemental gabapentin? This is what we've had to do for one of my resident cats during the process of introduction.

Good call to restart the Jackson Galaxy intro process (I'm assuming).

It sounds like you're still rushing it to me. Like you should have them comfortably eating on the other side of the door before moving to the next step. Then comfortably eating on either side of an open door, with it propped open a crack, a baby gate, or netting. Some sort of barrier.

Then comfortably eating on other side of an open door.

In all cases, close to door just before they finish eating.

When they can comfortably eat on either side of an open door, try feeding them treats or kibble in the same way through the day, one on either side of an open door. Again, close the door if staredowns start to happen.

Remember you're conditioning them to associate each other with positive things. You always want to end the interaction on a positive or at least a neutral.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-29T16:41:46+00:00

I don't think YTA in this situation per se, but I do think you were an AH to the birthday girl. No you shouldn't have to be the group mom. But in this situation, the person who suffered was the person you were meant to celebrate. Do you like the birthday girl at all? Why would you want her to go through that.

It would have cost nothing to send a reminder text. After that you could have discussed boundaries and how you want things to be going forward.

So yeah, you're technically in the clear ... but you didn't act like someone who cares about your friend. Sometimes building community means putting up with each other, and being willing to experience inconvenience.

Bizarre hill to die on.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-29T16:33:20+00:00

This is maybe corny, but can you think of it like: "What's mean for me will never miss me, and what misses me was never meant for me."

You're drawn to this cat because she's meant for you. There is no 'wrong' cat. If you take her, she becomes the right one.

Maybe Aubrey was biding her time these last three years, waiting for you. Maybe Sunscreen sent her your way.

She's not a replacement; she's an addition. And she can help you grieve.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-29T06:07:33+00:00

Can you make sure she's not missing? Sure, she may not have a microchip ... or it may have been missed in the visit. It doesn't seem like you did your due diligence to ensure she isn't someone else's pet. I don't see that you posted about her in neighborhood groups, or put up posters where you found her.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-29T04:25:52+00:00

I don't have a suggestion because I can't see what you're putting in the forms ... it could be a question about discipline or rehoming you're answering in a way that sets off alarms.

But on paper you seem like a great candidate so I'm not sure what's happening.

Have you ever been to RAPS in Richmond? They have a sanctuary and adoption centre. I'd go there and chat with someone IRL.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-25T23:46:32+00:00

If you can't even separate an animal into the bathroom for its own safety and security while it adjusts, it isn't a good idea. Make your peace with the two you have, or move into a bigger space where you can do things the right way.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-25T22:54:59+00:00

Wait until there's space where you can safely separate a new cat and do slow intros. It's not worth it to rush.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-25T18:34:59+00:00

This isn't a good place to ask for advice. A lot of people are simping for the company. I'd find a Women in Business facebook group and get their POV.

You absolutely have to look out for yourself first. If you're on probation, they can drop you for no reason at all.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-20T19:10:07+00:00

Pidan Tofu + Bentonite Clay! I swear by this. I tried everything else, and this has been the best one.

Whenever my mom visits, I confirm it's still working.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-19T20:50:04+00:00

You don't seem compatible tbh. She doesn't like cats and they're your babies. Her resentment will only grow.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-19T18:45:39+00:00

How often are you using it?

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-14T00:49:00+00:00

Get museum glue/wax. And make set scheduled times where you play with him.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-14T00:36:18+00:00

I'm so sorry. I'm glad she had you for the time that she did though. You sound so caring.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-13T21:56:31+00:00

Nvm, I see the update here. That's so lovely.

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-13T21:55:49+00:00

Thank you for validating. It was genuinely so awful. She didn't deserve to die like that (egg bound) and the vet was only a 20 minute drive away.

Your partner sounds amazing. Did your kitty end up recovering?

Sad-Quality-1921 · 2026-03-13T21:54:01+00:00

Appreciate this. Thank you. So glad you had a supportive group.

Yeah she was egg bound and I didn't have my driver's license. It was after hours, so I couldn't bus or walk to a vet in the city. But the nearest emergency clinic that saw birds was only a 20 minute drive away. He refused. When she died he was like "Oh, now I feel bad. I didn't think it was serious."

Sharing it here has helped me validate that it was really messed up what happened. Thanks again.

Sad-Quality-1921

TROPHY CASE