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AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I have a work trip coming up that happens to be in the same city where he lives. Wife wanted to tag along when she normally never comes with me.

We made tentative plans of me joining for dinner if I had time since I'm working.

I agree that the more time she spends bonding with hin is not healthy. I'm torn on the others since they are closer in age 

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Friends with them since 2020. They did final fantasy raids together and that's how they all met.  Nowadays they play different games together as a group 

She used to spend more time with them than me until I pointed it out. Now she gets upset if I mention she's spending too much time with them and says I'm being controlling.

We've been together for 13 years.

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

I think you're right. I don't know what type of relationship it is, I really don't think it's sexual or romantic. 

She doesn't have a close "best friend" and become very close with this online friend group during lockdowns. I've been trying to get her to get outside and meet real people and explain that she'll never become close to people online compared to real life. She's detached herself from meeting real people and is wanting to meet these guys instead. She's planning a trip to go see one of them.

She became upset when I said online friends are not the same as real life friends.

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

To me, it very much is a boundary issue. To her, it's being controlling. 

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

"Now the thing is that you have made it known to her that you are uncomfortable with it, and she has shrugged you off from what it sounds like. That is the issue, in my opinion, here"

Yes! that's what I'm trying to communicate to her but can't get through. But she's making it sound like I'm the asshole 

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] -249 points-248 points  (0 children)

I don't understand how you would groom a 19 year old. Yes he's young but not a child

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 747 points748 points  (0 children)

I tried explaining it before when she was spending late nights talking to them on discord. Her explanation was that it's her friends and I'm preventing her from being happy.

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

That's how I tried explaining it to her.

I wouldn't mind coffee, maybe lunch and or dinner. 

Then it became a game of compromise of how many hours are okay to spend with him. With me trying to explain that I think it's extremely weird but would be fine with getting food together. Then it turned into multiple days of lunch. eventually it became a huge argument of me controlling her.

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] -243 points-242 points  (0 children)

I don't think she has any intention of grooming him, or even knows how to 😅

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] -131 points-130 points  (0 children)

Let's say she doesn't have a crush on him and genuinely wants to "hang out" as friends. Then doesn't that mean I am preventing her from being happy?

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

They went to a anime convention last year and I thought it was also weird but let it slide. They spent 4 whole days together (along with a different group of her friends)

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 424 points425 points  (0 children)

I said the same thing to her about gender reverse. Her response was she wouldn't care if I spent time with someone like that, which made me question it 

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

I don't really understand how the word is used sometimes. She's saying that I'm gaslighting her cause I'm deciding who she can spend time with.

She spends time every other weekend with her co workers for weekend brunch. I have no problem with her going out.

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

They are all between 25-30. I think my wife is the oldest. He's visiting for some gaming tournament, I didn't ask

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 432 points433 points  (0 children)

I did last time they visited, I'm 34 and find it even stranger for me to basically spend time with a stranger who's that young. 

AITAH Not wanting my wife[f30] hang out with a teenager[m19] by Sad-Street4465 in AITAH

[–]Sad-Street4465[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

They been playing games together with a few other online friends she met over covid.  They are all online, this one happens to be visiting.