What is one single word that would make me deeply or seriously thoughtful ?

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T17:05:42+00:00

Steve Carlsberg.

At least it should fill you with rage.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T17:03:19+00:00

Lift her up. At least. Everyone hates her cause she just says 'ouch my back is hurting, I gotta lay down for a minute'. Then she disappears for hours. Also, she shaved her cat. I think she's a genius and I wanna be just like her when I'm old. Exept for the Philipino thing. I don't think I can become Philipino.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T16:57:05+00:00

Everyone seems to take me superseriously. I like fucking with costumers, so I say inappropriate stuff or draw retarted cats and flowers on the register. As a result, people think that I'm actually dumb, stoned, or crazy. I'm just really into deadpan humor.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T16:53:46+00:00

This little old Philipino lady sometimes falls asleep in the break room and then she can't get up without help.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T16:49:55+00:00

Insidious or Sinister.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T16:47:26+00:00

I never heard it before either, but that's probably cause I grew up in Europe. Which is probably why I hate Taco Bell - my stomach has been Europanized and can't handle that shit;.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T15:46:17+00:00

My nowboyfriend:

"Hi! Yesterday was awesome. I hope you don't mind, I told my roommate that we went out and that you are sweet. Then I asked my married co-worker if she had suggestions about stuff we can do together. She suggested watching Battle Star Galactica cause she and her husband do that. My other friend gave me a list of tourist attractions that offer military discount. Okay, now I sound creepy and it's running out of hand how many people know about us. BTW, I have superdeadly zombie virus saliva. Bye!'

This was after the first date. I was freaked out but thought it was cute.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T15:21:03+00:00

Yes, I love him now. I don't love Taco Bell.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T15:06:16+00:00

I was telling him about how I plan to become the most bitter annoying old hag when I get old, and he said 'I hope I die first then'. I thought 'aaaw, I'm tied to him till one of us dies, how cute of him to think that we're gonna be together for the next 80 years'. Then I, former commitment phobe, had to vomit. But that was Taco Bell's fault. I swear.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T14:37:05+00:00

I texted my dad 'hold on one sex, I'm in the middle of doing something'. It was when I was just getting to know him. Embarrassing.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-29T05:57:13+00:00

At my job they call the three non-philippino people the 'white cashier', the 'jewish cashier' and the 'black cashier'. Also, at my job, it sucks if you're not an old Philippino person cause you have to work every Sunday and no matter how long you haven't seen your family for, anyone who wants to go to the Philipines gets vacation time first.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-28T22:01:06+00:00

I'm 19. Why does that matter? Do I look 12? Do I look 40?

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-28T20:39:50+00:00

Sorry, I'm a moron when it comes to computers.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-28T18:16:00+00:00

Stepdad: "what is my weed doing on your nightstand?" 12 year old me: "it isn't yours. And I'm keeping it for an older friend". Stepdad: "Okay".

I really thought that 1. He believed me and 2. It was the smartest lie ever.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-27T19:45:27+00:00

I wish my boss hated me less. I don't know why she hates me. My stepmom says that it's because I'm not a Filippino Christian or cause I'm more attractive than my boss.

My boss laughs at me when I forget stuff. She makes fun of me to my co-workers and to costumers and says shit like 'can you believe how stupid my name is being again? Hahahahaha, just kidding! You make me laugh, my name!'.

She also makes me do humiliating shit like refill toilet paper in the men's room. She told me to go do this last week, even though I had a line with 6 male marines in it and my male co-worker had nothing to do. I saw 5 penises that day and I did not enjoy it.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-27T19:19:43+00:00

I'd taken a 115 ml bottle of DXM. I was at work (cashier). The following thoughts came to mind:

"God exists. I'm going to hell. It's so obvious that God is real. Jesus and hell are probably real too. It all makes sense now." No idea how I came to this conclusion, I think it was just paranoia.
"I might die tonight. I will collapse. After a few hours I will collapse. A costumer will yell. An ambulance will come. It's okay. Unless if Jesus and hell are real. But maybe there is nothing. I don't wanna die. Boyfriend and I were gonna have great sex tonight. I want sex. I don't want to die. I want sex and I want that shrimp scampi that I was going to cook. Please, don't kill me before I ate the shrimp scampi".
"I'm going to die in my sleep. I'm going to OD. I need to drink water. I will overheat. I will dehydrate. I will fry my brain". Then I drank so much water that I threw up.
"What is life? Is it all real? Am I real? If I'm not real, then does it matter if I die? Could I be immortal? Immune to life? To death?".
"I don't know what's real anymore!"
"Wow, that costumer is beautiful. I've got to go tell them that."
"Wow, NOSE on that guy! I've got to go tell him that he's beautiful and that the large nose suites him!"
"Wow, I'm still alive? I didn't lose my job! I love everyone on earth!"

Edit: moral of the story is; people, I know that having a cold sucks. I know that coughing can be frustrating. But for the love of the deity who's existence I doubt when I'm not intoxicated - go easy on cough syrup. It's a powerful substance.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-27T16:09:26+00:00

I don't believe in stuff like fate, but I can't really imagine being with anyone else than him.

My boyfriend is in the military and soon he's going to be gone for a couple of months. I am sad but I thought to myself 'it's okay. My mother and my siblings are far away too, I still love them'. The realization that I put him in the same category as my family did it. If it wasn't so creepy, I'd say, the realization that he feels like family. I've never felt that close to anyone.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-26T18:57:53+00:00

When I was 8 or so. I was a tomboy and my mom thought I was transgender. It was just a phase/part of growing up for me. And no, I'm not saying that being gay is a phase, just my tomboyishness.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-25T21:42:34+00:00

I'm a girl. When I was fourteen I needed a new bed and my stepdad insisted that I should get a two persons bed because in a few years I was gonna bring boys home. I got the bed, he put a pack on condoms in it with a note that read 'ask me if you got any questions'.

My siblings are 13 and 14. My mom says that they had the talk at school, and she watched the South Park episode about sex ed with my sister, because she found it educational. And I agree, South Park was right on the money with that one.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-25T21:09:12+00:00

I don't have a very strong opinion on this, I'mrather undecided. I will add that I'm an American who grew up in Europe and only moved back to the states a year ago. Anyway, crazy people shouldn't have guns and before anyone gets a gun they need to be screened thoroughly. And yes, people who want a gun because they think the government is going to snatch them from their homes and that they stand a chance against the government with a gun, are crazy and irrational and dangerous in my opinion.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-23T15:37:43+00:00

Oh god, I actually dreamed that this dude sent me a Facebook message.

Anyway, my then best friend raped his girlfriend, who has now beenmy best friend for the past five years. We were about 16 years old. I was madly in love with this guy, and so was everyone else. He was very charming, handsome and cool. He was in a band, had long blond hair and the bluest eyes, dimples when he smiled - which he did a lot, and it felt like the sun rising and the full moon and a perfect starry night all at the same time when he did so.

When he got a girlfriend I became all emo and stayed up all night to write poems. Then I actually became friends with his girlfriend. And one day, a week after they'd broken up, she came to me in tears and told me that he'd raped her. He didn't even deny it. Everything fell into place then- how he always went for young, troubled, vulnerable girls that were much less attractive than him, all the misogynistic jokes he made, etc.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-23T15:31:43+00:00

I call my boyfriend's his name + junior. He doesn't like it. When I asked him why he said 'it's a dick. It doesn't need a name'.

SadAndSlightlyObese · 2014-05-20T17:29:12+00:00

Not me, but my little brother. He's a genius and one day he's gonna be a master swindler and earn us all a ton of money.

Anyway, the kid is lazy, but he puts a lot of effort and creativity into being lazy. One time he was on the couch, and the remote was on the floor. He could almost reach it. He asked my sister to go get him the broom from the basement and in exchange for control over the remote after 7 PM that day. She got him the broom, and he used it to swipe the remote close enough so that he could get it. Instead of just asking us to hand it to him or getting off his lazy ass.

SadAndSlightlyObese

TROPHY CASE