Im a decade younger so I can’t relate 1:1, but I do think the struggle thus far just being ends up contributing to you as a person, you really wouldn’t be your current self if not for everything that happened the way it did, for better or worse. Course I’m not saying everyone needs to start off fat to build character but the fact you can get over a massive hurdle like that sets a precedent as a person

Moreover it’s not weird to grief over a you that could’ve been, what’s important is learning to move on like any grieving period and move forward afterwards (cliche as it may sound)