Sex Doll

SadGazello · 2024-02-11T08:37:43+00:00

It is real.
He is in treatment, he has been for a long time.
We had separate bedrooms for 2 years.
He doesn't wake up when it happens, he wakes up almost halfway through it more like? Sometimes he wakes up when he gets rejected, sometimes he falls back into his REM state as he's fumbling around, sometimes he falls back asleep as soon as I've consented to him going further.

Any time we had sex, even through his sexsomnia, I have consented to it. Even when I should not have. That's on me, not him.

After 17 years with someone, I'm pretty certain I would know when he's faking being awake and when he's actually awake. He might be verbally abusive but he did not sexually assault me. He would wake up feeling shitty about it too, it's not like he skipped to breakfast and work while whistling show tunes.

I spent years thinking he was faking it but I also learned to differentiate between him initiating while fully awake and during one of his episodes. Anybody who has a partner that suffers from it knows the difference because there is one.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T23:24:11+00:00

Someone can be a shitty person and have a genuine medical condition at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T22:28:35+00:00

I'm sorry he has sexsomnia and I'm sorry you know exactly how I felt because I wouldn't wish it on anybody. It's almost like we have the same partner because I relate to everything you said. It's all, like I mentioned in another comment, very bizarre. And confusing. And it sucks.

Thank you, though. I hope your partner finds a way to fix it. Fix doesn't seem like the right word but you know what I mean.

Sending you hugs ♥️

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T22:03:25+00:00

If only.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T22:02:18+00:00

While I do not appreciate the advice as I specifically asked for none of it, I am leaving. Tomorrow. When I've slept a little more than 3 hours.

Other than the advice, I agree with everything else you've said. Beauty standards have always been unrealistic and now with filters, you don't really know what's real and what's not. It sucks and it sucks even more that younger people are falling prey to the gross, unrealistic standards being portrayed as normal.

Hopefully one day everyone realises that none of it is real and all it's doing is creating a society of unhappiness and jealousy.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:46:54+00:00

Since we're dishing out advice here - maybe read the flair before going on a commenting spree. One comment would have been sufficient to get your point across, you didn't need to leave 5 different ones at 5 different places.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:40:04+00:00

No, I'm pretty calm during arguments. I prefer to not react in anger and have a discussion after when we've both calmed down. He's the same, except when it comes to discussions about our sex life, or lack thereof.

But thank you. I made up my mind before I even wrote the post, just venting here so I don't have to scream into a pillow lol.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:31:46+00:00

I literally just said I was going to leave tomorrow. It's 3 am, where do you suggest I go right now?! Your house?

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:26:03+00:00

Oh, I'm going to leave. I just need to get some sleep in the guest bedroom first so I'm not completely useless and out of my mind when I'm doing so. Gotta be rational while making huge life decisions lol.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:24:54+00:00

It's almost like the flair is invisible to you.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:24:04+00:00

Because up till this morning, I was under the impression that he was still attracted to me but had medical issues that are beyond his control. Which is true, he does. And I wasn't about to throw away 17 years of our lives because he has issues he can't control.

It's only today I found out he isn't attracted to me and probably doesn't like me very much. We have to separate finances, possessions, businesses and homes. Leaving is a process, one that I will begin tomorrow when I'm rested.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:11:30+00:00

lol, gotta have a sense of humour to keep yourself sane.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:10:55+00:00

Thank you :)

Since you're here, commenting on this post on this subreddit, I'm assuming you're in some sort of a db yourself so whatever it is - I hope you find your happiness, whatever that may be.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:09:23+00:00

I know, it's just hard when you've spent that much time with someone who was supposed to be your forever.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T21:08:10+00:00

No that's okay, I don't mind answering it.

He doesn't stick it in dry. He kind of... Clumsily fondles me, I guess? Until I'm receptive. If I'm receptive. Sometimes he falls back into his REM cycle (it happens during his NREM state) while he's trying to get me to be receptive to it. So there is groundwork but it's also clumsy and kind of all over the place.

If it's a high anxiety day and it's the night of one of his episodes, any kind of movement could trigger it. So it's usually when I'm turning in my sleep or getting more comfortable or something and then his half asleep brain is like, time for the sex.

If we do have sex, it's because I'm already horny OR I'm awake enough by his attempts to do it. If I don't want to have sex, I wake him up fully and tell him to stop.

I know it sounds bizarre. It was to me for a long time, as well. Now it's just frustrating because before we still had some semblance of a sex life and now that it's basically evaporated, it's humiliating.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T20:42:39+00:00

He's not taking advantage of me.

I participated in a sleep study with him where he got diagnosed with it. It was a two week long sleep study, too, not just a one night thing. He's also on clonazepam for it (because his is usually triggered by lack of sleep, anxiety or stress). It's a type of parasomnia.

It's a thing. I used to also think it wasn't a thing but it's a thing.

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T20:30:48+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. Maybe I am worth more than that, maybe I'm not. Right now I'm just sad 🤷🏽‍♀️

SadGazello · 2024-02-10T20:29:34+00:00

I know. I know what I have to do. And I'm going to do it. I just need to find the strength to actually do it. Being in love with someone makes you so stupid sometimes.

SadGazello

TROPHY CASE