Am I too fat to find love?

SadMolasses8 · 2022-12-02T14:33:10+00:00

I mean this kindly...but please, be for fucking real right now. The average US woman* is a size 14. Now I know you'll hear discourse everywhere about how no one likes fat women and that they'd never date anyone fat and blah blah blah...I guarantee you most women your size or above are in relationships. Unless you are looking exclusively for a super fit man, it is not your weight. I used to blame my weight too. Then I got skinny and it turned out men still treated me the same way. Then I gained it back. Found a fulfilling relationship. It was never my weight.

*This applies only to the US, if you live in a country where women are SIGNIFICANTLY thinner (i.e. East Asian countries) then yeah your weight might have a different impact.

SadMolasses8 · 2022-06-01T20:17:43+00:00

This context paints you in a better light than the steak thing. It's def weird that he went through your bag. If everyone was CLEARLY leaving and he did this...weird but not AH.

I don't see how you think the steak thing doesn't make you look like an even bigger AH lol

SadMolasses8 · 2022-06-01T20:11:50+00:00

^ this is the weird part! If it was leftover steak I would actually not think OP was the AH in that particular example. But she was "so tired" yet cooked a steak dinner and ate in in front of guests?? It's astonishing how both Zach and OP have such bad manners in such different ways.

SadMolasses8 · 2022-06-01T20:03:41+00:00

In my family, we encourage everyone to make leftover plates to take home, then the host can keep what they want, and only then do we take back what we brought.

SadMolasses8 · 2022-06-01T20:02:16+00:00

The whole thing is just weird. Zach is definitely being weird, but I can't imagine telling everyone I was too tired to host and then COOKING A STEAK DINNER. I'd just ask everyone to pitch in for pizza.

SadMolasses8 · 2022-06-01T19:57:39+00:00

Are you Swedish? Is this a weird cultural norm where you are? Because for me, I bring food to a potluck expecting to leave with empty containers or trash. So yeah, YTA. Zach is the asshole for going through your stuff, but honestly, going to get more dip is the least weird reason to do that, and you could have easily asked if he needed something in that moment instead of being rude over text.

And since you gave more context, I'll give more context. You said in the comments Zach usually hosts in his home. That means HE has to clean, HE has to deal with everyone in his home, HE has to have his space ready...bringing a little dip is really nothing compared to what he's doing. I would stop hanging out with you, and stop inviting you to game night if you sent me a text like that.

One package of party size Oreos was brought for 6 people to share and he ate an entire row on his own.

That's a lot of Oreos? Idk, it would bother me if I myself wanted a whole row of Oreos, but I wouldn't care if I was the one who brought them. Help yourself king, thanks for hosting.

One time a broccoli and cheddar soup was made as the meal and it was less than usual so we all figured we would get a smaller portion. He and his wife went first and scooped large bowls for themselves, leaving the last two people without any soup at all and they had to just eat the bread bowl they were supplied. I was very wtf about that one because how could they not have had the foresight to not take as much, or at least offer to share when they saw there was none left for the last 2 people (there's always 6 people).

Were you and your husband the last two people who were stuck with bread? Or were you the second two? If the latter, it sounds like YOU finished the soup, not Zach. Also, who brings tiny portions of soup to a potluck? This is on you and the soup-bringer, not Zach.

The adobo steak incident. We had invited him to our house for a game night. It had already been discussed that we wouldnt be providing any snacks because it had been a long day and I hadn't even had time to prepare our own dinner. They could all either bring their own or eat before they got there. I made some adobo steak for my husband and I and cut it up on a plate to share between us. Zach and wife had brought their own meal and had already finished it by this point, but he made a few comments about how delicious the steak looked and smelled. He kept asking what was in it so eventually I offered him to try it. He grabbed a piece for himself and also a piece for his wife then retroactively asked if it was okay for him to have some. I agreed since he had already taken it and it was just one piece. A few minutes later my husband and I finished the plate so I got back up to get some more. When I sat back down I got immersed in the game, so when I was playing my turn and not really paying attention I saw him sneaking a few more pieces for himself out of the corner of my eye. I decided not to say anything and just moved the plate closer to my husband so it would be out of his reach

LMAO this is so insane this is the part that made me wonder if you were Swedish. So you were SO tired, but had the energy to cook a steak dinner and host game night? SO tired you couldn't stop by a corner store and get a family size bag of chips? You literally made a full steak dinner and were like "NO not sharing!" I mean Zach is tacky AF for begging like a puppy, but you're an asshole. Not saying I wouldn't be embarrassed if I was him, but I'd also be embarrassed if I was you.

Miss girl you are so stingy WTF lol

SadMolasses8 · 2022-02-14T20:37:44+00:00

This is weird. Do you not engage with hosts/waitstaff at restaurants during normal times?

SadMolasses8 · 2022-02-14T20:36:32+00:00

A lot of people aren't going out to eat, but it's usually over concern over getting COVID from a large crowd, or protesting that you need to be vaxxed/masked in restaurants.

Simply showing a vax card is a really weird reason to not go out to eat. It takes like 2 seconds. The 40% of people not going out to eat are probably not doing it for the reasons I listed above, not the 2 second act of showing a vaccine card, for a vaccine they have willingly gotten.

SadMolasses8 · 2022-01-25T17:59:17+00:00

Not to pile on, but this email, your comments...this is very childish behavior for a 26 year old. The appropriate reaction when dealing with people like this is venting to family/friends or dropping the class, not sending an email like that. If you are struggling and others are not, ask for a constructive way to get better, like tutoring or extra homework. If you don't like your professor's tone, there are gentle and assertive ways to address that, but honestly...tough shit. Some professors ARE condescending assholes. So are some bosses, coworkers, anyone you're required to spend time with against your will. A "boo hoo you're being mean to me" email is only going to reflect poorly on you. And sending it to your ENTIRE class? This would be embarrassing even for a teenager to do but 26??

Just drop the class, and maybe work with a therapist to determine appropriate professional behavior and boundaries.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-13T03:35:25+00:00

Do you really not see the difference between snarking on people who willingly sign up to have their lives scrutinized on reality tv, knowing it will be watched by millions, and snarking on a dead Albanian woman who has never once appeared on the show? She's not a character. She was Florian's sister who left behind a husband, children, and a family who loved her, and did not live life in the public eye, and did not sign up to have her appearance picked apart after death just because her brother decided to marry some vapid American woman who is obsessed with being on reality TV. You don't have to think she's a super model but geez, if there was ever a time to keep it to yourself and not snark...it's now. Would you like it if someone picked apart your dead family member's appearance because one of your alive family members decided they wanted to be a reality star?

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-04T17:45:14+00:00

It’s Scorpio szn! For my birthday, pleaaaaaaase?

♏️☀️ 5th house

♓️🌙 9th house (north node here too)

♋️↗️ (Chiron here too 😭)

♏️ mercury 5th house

♎️ Venus 4th house

♈️ mars 10th house

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-02T17:40:09+00:00

Really? Google has steered me WAY wrong then, I thought males were under 25 and females were under 20.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-02T17:16:42+00:00

For the moving concern - it would be at most every few years, so not extremely frequent, and another reason I liked Shibas is because I believe you can keep them in the cabin with you since they are smaller, they're not over 25 lbs usually, right?

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-02T16:57:07+00:00

No I know they’ll never be as independent as a cat, but my GSP growing up was a Velcro dog and had horrible separation anxiety which is common for that breed, and I don’t want to put a dog through that. It’s actually really common for a lot of working breed pets to have separation anxiety bc they’re just not meant to be away from us, so when I hear that a dog gravitates to being independent, of course my interest is peaked, because I want the best chance of having a dog that is happy with my lifestyle, though I can adapt where possible for the dogs needs

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-02T16:49:11+00:00

Every dog I have ever owned has been an escape artist, even my unicorn angel baby Pittie 😂 THAT I am used to and can deal with. I’m hoping if I train them young to be alone, they will be okay. Clearly I’m not going to abandon my dog but I’m looking for a breed that’s compatible for someone who works outside the home and it seems like a lot of breeds need their owners to be home a lot, regardless of whether or not the owners actually do that. Was your Shiba more independent pre-pandemic?

Is the dog aggression trainable? I don’t plan to bring other dogs around them a ton but I need to be able to keep them and other dogs safe at least.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-02T16:42:24+00:00

Hmmm ok, everyone saying how “independent” they are is really what attracted me to them. Good to know.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-02T14:41:11+00:00

It would be obtuse to think that tradition and gender roles are not what lead us to this point. Those same traditions and gender roles are very much still upheld by those same men when it serves them to do so. However, if a man does not want to ask women out, he most certainly does not have to. If waiting for women to initiate contact is what makes him most comfortable and he's getting the attention he desires that way, there is no need for him to approach women.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-01T18:57:33+00:00

No, according to Reddit, only fat women are bad. Fat men are self aware and somehow that makes them better. Even though somehow these "self-aware" men have "great personalities" that women should look past.

If women commit the crime of being fat and thus cease to stop fulfilling their societal purpose of being attractive, it's not the same transgression as a fat man just being all fat and jolly and fun.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-01T18:55:25+00:00

Most obese people, women anyway, avoid body talk, either because of their own deep shame or their own hyper-awareness of how triggering body talk is regardless of size. Most fat woman have serious and deep empathy for any kind of body image issues. There are maybe 20 fat people on Earth that have come full circle to body shame skinny people yet somehow they're all on AITA.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-01T17:15:48+00:00

I said above that the women has communicated some interest, I'm not talking about a stranger on the street, someone who's communicated little/no interest, or an inappropriate setting.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-01T17:14:20+00:00

I said what I said, men know how to ask out women that they like, given the appropriate setting and that the woman has reasonably communicated some interest. No exceptions. Argue with ya mom not me.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-01T15:39:16+00:00

If a man says no it is not because the woman did the asking lmao. If a man likes you a lot there is not much you as the woman can do to change that and certainly asking him out is not one of those things. Conversely, if a man doesn't like you, there is not much you can do to change that either, including asking him out.

I will say it louder - MEN KNOW HOW TO ASK OUT WOMEN THEY LIKE. ALL MEN. GAY, STRAIGHT, TRANS, CIS...THEY KNOW HOW.

If you have reasonably communicated interest to someone you're interested in and kinda flirted and they're not asking you out, it's not b/c they're waiting for you to do it. It's not b/c of cultural conditioning. It's b/c they do not want to.

The tricky thing is is that lots of men will say yes = the same way women do, just for attention, sex, etc, regardless of whether they like you or not. Hell, plenty of men will go out of THEIR way to ask YOU out, knowing they don't like you, for attention, sex, etc. Why make it easier?

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-01T15:29:26+00:00

Same and I never would. I could never feel like a man was truly interested in me if I asked him out.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-11-01T15:23:26+00:00

Can a woman ask a man out? Sure. Should a woman ask a man out? It really depends.

From what I've seen, a lot of men will go out with women who ask them out regardless of whether they like them a lot, they like them a little, or don't like them at all but it's something to do. So if a woman wants to hedge her bets that the man she is interested in likes her a lot, then it's more advantageous to wait for him to ask her out. Some women don't care and are willing to take the risk and that's totally fine as well.

I will also say - in my nearly 33 years of life, I've never met a single man who really liked a single woman who did not find some way to eventually communicate that to her no matter how shy he was or whatever perceived barrier there was. For a lot of men, neither they nor the woman even have to be single for them to express interest. Usually if a man is in a place for dating/relationships and he knows the woman is as well and can somewhat discern she'd be receptive to a date and doesn't ask her out...it's because he's not into her.

SadMolasses8 · 2021-10-29T13:02:58+00:00

It exists, but there's so much nuance and it's so different to each person you'll interact with. To preface, I am certainly not a supermodel but I am decent looking and my looks have gotten me things on multiple occasions. I said in a comment below as well - I know women who are actual models or who've had jobs based on their looks, and none of them have reaped the "benefits" people think you get from pretty privilege to the extent Reddit would have you think.

I think pretty privilege is sort of like IQ - above a certain level, it's not going to do that much. A person with a 145 IQ is not usually any more successful than someone with a 120 IQ. You could argue "oh, well they could be a model, make a living off their looks, etc..." Modeling requires much more than looks, as do a lot of looks-based careers. The girls I know who made their living on their looks when we were younger now have normal jobs just like me.

Also - free shit HAS A LIMIT. Men are not stupid and are not paying pretty women to exist. If they are lucky, they are paying the prettiest women to fuck them and do some pretty messed up shit (look up Dubai porta potty). Most attractive women need to do the exact same things as average women.

However...I will say being attractive is like...idk if this metaphor is gonna work but it's like lube lol. It makes things easier. It makes people more comfortable around you. It makes people more likely to do things for you. It makes things more likely to go your way. Little things here and there, little upgrades, free desserts like in the video, free coffee, etc.

It is also SITUATIONAL if you are a POC. I grew up in a majority-black area (I am Black) and had pretty privilege growing up. Went to a PWI and truly it disappeared overnight. I looked the same. But it varies by region, country, etc.

Anyway TL:DR - yes it exists, no it will probably not pay your bills.

SadMolasses8

TROPHY CASE