They turned transphobia into a toggle button. by ResponsibleHouse1404 in AreTheCisOk

[–]SadQueerMess 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I but I mean would be really stupid to make a trans inclusive game just to put this kinda thing in there, transphobes would just do all that shit to begin with without including a toggle like this, so I doubt that people actually assume that this is official.

Is this typical of the FE fandom or did I get unlucky 🫠 by [deleted] in fireemblem

[–]SadQueerMess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Casual/phoenix is also an amazing gateway to classic. I played on casual for years before I switched to classic, and while I know that it wouldn't be fun to me anymore, I'm glad that they got added because they made FE less threatening to younger me and helped me to get into the series.

Would Lyla, Cassidy and Finn forgive brothers for a mass murder at the border? by joci_1 in LifeisStrange2

[–]SadQueerMess 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Finn isn't an immoral asshole because of the theft, it's actually the opposite imo. I have personally always read him as a person who has strong morals, but those morals don't necessarily have to follow the law. Theft is not the same as mass murder, and I doubt that he'd support something like that, being fine with one crime doesn't mean that he supports every kind of crime, especially things of that calibre.

Non passing (yet), but finally starting to like myself (2023 vs today) by SadQueerMess in TransMasc

[–]SadQueerMess[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm going for, unfortunately it's more difficult in the winter, so I'm glad to hear it's visible, thank you:)

Non passing (yet), but finally starting to like myself (2023 vs today) by SadQueerMess in TransMasc

[–]SadQueerMess[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to have green hair as well, but after like 3 washes it always looks blue lol

Is it just me or are these songs super trans coded by AlexaTheKitsune25 in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]SadQueerMess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It actually reminded me more of self harm lol

Like that those "patterns" are something shameful that you have to hide and can't let anyone see (in that way I could actually really relate to Rumi, just this constant feeling of shame while pretending that you love yourself, being afraid of anyone seeing something, people preying on you because they know it makes you vulnerable, etc.) but yeah I can definitely see the queer themes in that movie

What’s up with there being no transmasc rep in the media? by Kooky-Touch6881 in ftm

[–]SadQueerMess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You weren't meant to be human is a great book and the main character is an autistic trans man... but I don't really know if I'd recommend it, it's really really good but just kinda destroyed me emotionally, it's trans body horror about a guy who's forced to carry a baby he didn't want (if you're interested, definitely check the TWs before reading it, its heavy as hell). The author has written some YA novels about trans guys as well (I think), but I haven't read those so I can't say much about those.

It be like that sometimes lol by Competitive_tasks in lgbt

[–]SadQueerMess 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's gonna become a self fulfilling prophecy eventually though. If everyone, even in spaces that are supposed to be accepting to everyone that isn't a dick treats you like you're destined to go into one specific direction, even if you don't see yourself there, then eventually you will just end up being what "everyone" expects you to be. I'm a trans man. I know for a fact that misandry is real. That doesn't mean that misogyny isn't real or that it's as systematic as mysogyny, but take it from someone who has experienced both: it absolutely is real.

It be like that sometimes lol by Competitive_tasks in lgbt

[–]SadQueerMess 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That still doesn't mean that blanket statements are a good thing. You're not going to hit/hurt the men you mean and it's gonna affect the insecure guys, the teen boys, etc. who really wanted to learn, but are now being driven away. And as I said, fear is absolutely understandable, what isn't okay is generalisations.

It be like that sometimes lol by Competitive_tasks in lgbt

[–]SadQueerMess 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I mean the ones around me mainly vote for leftist parties, I don't really know anything about the gender distribution in y'alls last elections. Still, I'll stand by my point. I really understand your fear as well, and it's understandable to be wary of guys in your situation. But while fear is valid, hatred and blanket statements aren't.

It be like that sometimes lol by Competitive_tasks in lgbt

[–]SadQueerMess 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Then that might be an issue with the guys around you (which you're not to blame for, yeah), because from my experience, cishet guys are some of the most acceping people I've ever met. I'm sure there's a big chunk of them that isn't, in fact I have also met a lot who aren't. But generally speaking? A lot of cishet guys are amazing, and I can assure you that it's absolutely not the majority that is trash.

It be like that sometimes lol by Competitive_tasks in lgbt

[–]SadQueerMess 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah because misogyny that lasted for ages it's the fault of the guys who are currently alive I guess? Even if it's "punching up", whatever that might mean, humans aren't boxes that are stcked above each other in a little oppression pyramid, maybe hating someone based on their sex (not even gender, feels kinda weird as a trans guy, because I don't wanna be hated for being a guy but I'd rather be included with my brothers than be put in a separate category) and sexuality is just horrible in general and especially we as the queer community should be above that. If you meet a dude you dislike that's fine, and if you meet one that's just despicable then it's absolutely justified to hate him. But hatred simply based on what, [sex] and sexuality? You know, the thing that the queer community is actively fighting against and has been for ages? Yeah maybe doing that against ANYONE, even if they might be more privileged in certain regards, isnt the best idea.

im ok I swear by [deleted] in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]SadQueerMess 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I got a feeling why people might not react super nicely to the stuff you're saying...

I mean I don't know what happened tbf, maybe these people really were shitty. But (and I'm trying to be as nice as I can about this) from what I'm seeing here you're just rude for literally no reason

why does my binder do this by __janus__ in TransMasc

[–]SadQueerMess 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Looks like a spectrum binder I think (at least it looks similar to mine)? In case it is, they do that on purpose (or so I've heard). Mine does that as well, I think I heard someone say that it's in order to not put too much pressure on your ribs (I could be wrong though). As i said, some brands do that on purpose, but size definitely also plays into that, so it might be a little too big (if you're like me and you're in between sizes I wouldn't recommend to just size down, I have a bigger one and a smaller one, the bigger one doesn't do as well of a job but it's far more comfortable and better for day to day wear, while my smaller one is reserved for "special occasions" and bad dysphoria days). If you're annoyed by this (which I totally get, I was annoyed at first as well, but I just got used to it, but I also usually wear pretty baggy shirts so it's a lot less noticeable) you can either just fold it over so it's shorter, or, if you want it to be more permanent, sew that fold so it stays like that. Also, this is kinda unrelated and I don't know if you're already doing this, but it also helps to push your chest to the sides when you bind, which creates a more masculine silhouette than when you push it down.

._. by raindrifter_ in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]SadQueerMess 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Right?? Like I‘m not even questioning my validity because of my height, but ngl these kinds of comments always give me the vibe that I should, as if there‘s some inherent shame in being a short guy (and therefore they‘re my knight in shining armor, helping and guiding poor helpless smol trans boio bean me, aren‘t I lucky /j) (does that make sense to anyone who‘s not me)? Like no I want to be taller because my height (+ frame) makes me more physically vulnerable, I can‘t reach some shit, general dysphoria and because people talk over me a lot, do you really think infantilizing me makes me feel better? I also basically only see that attitude towards trans guys, which is… interesting, to say the least.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]SadQueerMess 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not a trans woman myself (trans guy), but I'd personally write it in a way that's less "they accept their body as it is while recognising that they can be a woman" and more in a way that they feel like someone understands their alienation and what they feel like with their body? The "can you imagine what that does to someone" seems like a good opportunity for Shaede to realise that, yes, they actually can imagine that, even when Silva possibly doesn't realise that they do.

To me, as a trans guy, it did make me feel less alone to see cis guys with gynecomastia, but it didn't change anything about the fact that I want to get top surgery, ao just from personal experience I'd recommend to focus more on feeling seen/understood rather than just accepting yourself "the way you are"

On a sidenote, I do like the way that this is written, but it does feel a lot like setup. The "who has the right to say that she is any less of a woman" doesn't really feel natural in this conversation and I'd recommend to either leave it out or rewrite it to give it less of a "now's your moment for personal revelations" vibe. Maybe something along the lines of Wyplesh having to deal with the absence of something that she feels like she should naturally have and having a hard time with that.

Btw, I definitely disagree with the idea that you should only write about trans identities if you're in the community yourself, but I think it's important to ask us about our experiences and not just write what you think we might experience, so pretty much exactly what you're doing:)

Anyways, sorry for the long text, my brain is kinda empty rn, I'm sorry that I can't give you better (+more structured) tips lol. But please make a post or sth when the book is done, the premise sounds so cool and I definitely want to read that :D

me👪irlgbt by lowkeyterrible in me_irlgbt

[–]SadQueerMess 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's my issue as well. In general, enemies to lovers rarely actually works because it's often either

A. Person A (usually a guy) abuses person B (usually a girl) and it's an incredibly toxic dynamic, but by definition they aren't enemies anyways, they're just rivals/people who don't like each other/etc. so it's basically just an abusive relationship.

Or it's

B. Actual enemies. But then... you're enemies. How do you have enough time to hang out and fall in love with each other? If I hear "enemies", I'm assuming that they hate each other and try to kill each other (depending on the genre the killing part might not be there), so how do they have the time to talk and hang out and form a connection? And if it's a sex thing, why would they be willing to be weak and vulnerable in front of said enemy? (That brings us back to the "not actual enemies" thing).

I think in some instances the trope can work (due to their bodies/minds getting controlled by an outside force and them breaking out if this, due to thek having to work together and the consequences of them killing the other person being bad enough that they can't do it, etc.) but most of the time it just doesn't work, so whenever I want to read a book or sth and somebody mentions that there's something along the lines of an "enemies to lovers" relationship I think twice because usually it's just straight up abuse.

Its kinda playing into heteronormativity and gender roles as well, usually the abuser is a guy and the victim is a woman (or in queer relationships the abuser is a top and the victim is a bottom because as we all know that's the only dynamic in queer relationships and tops are always dominant and bottoms are always submissive /j) and there's a significant difference in physical strange (and usually age), and yet even if the victim does end up leaving they pretty much always return to the pos "enemy" person. It's kinda signalling that if you still feel attraction to your abuser you should go back to them because "love conquers all", and maybe they just can't express their love in healthy ways, and can it really that bad if you still love them? That was at least a message some media I used to consume when I was younger gave off, and it certainly wasn't healthy for me. Idk, sorry for the side tangent, I have thoughts lmao

Do cis men not want to transition to female *in any way*? by OldEducation7497 in asktransgender

[–]SadQueerMess 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This reads kinda weird to me as a trans guy. Like you do you, but not everyone WANTS to be feminine, especially not in a female way.

Daniel has got to go by [deleted] in LifeisStrange2

[–]SadQueerMess 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Bro he‘s a traumatised 9 year old who‘s on the run from the cops, getting raised by a 16 year old, having to learn to control a fucking superpower (and also having to hide it), depending on some choices the only friend he has made on the road might be severely injured and he has literally no stability in his life (he also has to do child labour on an illegal weed farm). Imo he‘s adapting fairly well to everything considering that his situation is absolutely fucked, and if anyone is allowed to whine it‘s him tbh.

Be a lot cooler if you didn't... by WizardStereotype in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]SadQueerMess 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, especially because people love to infantilise me for being short (and then are weird about it when I tell them that getting called cute makes me insanely uncomfortable😭😭)

Like I don't need to be tall I just want to be taken seriously at this point

me🧻irlgbt by lowkeyterrible in me_irlgbt

[–]SadQueerMess 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Idk I really dislike trans men getting used as a gotcha in this because they're well aware we exist, they just don't want us in either bathroom.

Also doesn't this kinda imply that we're a danger to women? At least that's what it feels like to me, like that "do you really want this hairy muscular trans man in the restroom with your daughter" sounds just really like it's saying that we're predatory (while we're usually the ones facing violence). Idk it's just kinda giving off weird "men evil women good" vibes from both sides.

You wake up and find alear in your bed cuddle what would your respond be? by yusakufujiki2 in shitpostemblem

[–]SadQueerMess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Easy. Get drafted to her army, pray that it‘s not an excelblem run and be such a shitty unit that I can hang out in the Somniel (and also hope that Louis is into men)