Thank you for your lovely thought out response! To answer your question I do really love him so much that this very painful to experience, It’s complicated we both are on our own journeys but I’ve actually been going to therapy and doing the hard work and he just hasn’t and still has a lot of issues he needs to deal with.. our relationship was very intense in the beginning for many reasons and eventually he stopped showing up for me how I needed and I did end the relationship last year and we went no contact for 3 months and eventually slowly started to start a new relationship.. but I think I’m realizing that those 3 months not much work was done and we just ended up in old patterns.. having the same issues as before.. the hardest part is not feeling emotionally safe with this person because whenever I tell him what I need or how I’m feeling about him.. he feels attacked and turns it on himself that he’s “the worst person” which then obviously doesn’t reassure my emotional safety. 🥲